Schooling and work and kids...the conundrum
I am so torn about this whole school issue for ds. This whole summer I have been contemplative about school options, trying to think about what would be best for him....at six years old, I think he is an absolute genius (of course, I know all mothers think that), but perhaps not in the conventional sense (is still not really reading, writing a whole lot yet).
He's the kind of kid that at age 4 discovered addition on his own, and in a Eureka! moment, stood up on the chair with the kitchen table, arms in the air, and shouted out at the top of his lungs, arms in the air, "3 and 3 is 6!" At five he discovered maps, and decided he would really like to visit China, to see the Great Wall and Mulan's world, and at age six, last month, told me he wanted to be a superhero...and not just any run-of-the-mill mass-marketed superhero...no, a cool one...SuperTree.
Yes, that's right, the superhero created of his own invention, after we ascended the hill from the valley where we lived, and passed by a once-beautiful tree-lined windy road that marked the end of suburbia into pristine farmland. Passing by, he gasped in horror. "Mami, it's sooo ugly!" "Yes, mijo, it is ugly," I said passing the naked, barren landscape and 45-degree dirt hill created by "professionals" who flunked Treeology 101 - that Trees prevent erosion. (Hello, McFly??)
"Mami," he then told me, "I want to be a superhero when I grow up."
"Me, too, mijo. What kind do you want to be?"
"A TREE superhero. I'd fly around and suck up all the poison in the air (a reference to CO2 - we had recently talked about how trees breath in CO2 and give us oxgygen) - and plant trees everywhere."
If this wasn't enough to make me feel I'd earned my proudest parent badge...it got better...
"And you can make me a suit. Green body, brown legs, with a cape, and it'll have a Tree and the letters ST on the front. But I can't be it for Halloween this year because I'm going to be Batman, but I'll be Supertree for Halloween when I'm 7."
Now I know I have succeded as a parent - if nothing else, I have passed on to him my most essential values - an environmental ethic. =)
...But now Supertree has to go to school. And I am concerned about the whole standard public education for him...not as a conservative, concerned about the "worldly influences on him" nor anything inherently negative about public schools....but about the tendency for schools to push kids to the status quo...to essentially make them "average." The factory model of education (okay, it's evident I've been influenced by the education critic John Taylor Gatto)...which teaches kids to stand up, sit down, shut up, and pay attention.
Then again, those are skills kids need to know. And it's important for kids to read and write. But inside of me is just this hesitation...is it right for him?
He told me yesterday, after visiting his teacher at the Before-school Ice Cream Social (who by the way, I did have a very good feeling about), that he was "scared" to go to first grade. That he thinks he's "too young" to do a lot of "writing".
At Kindergarten, of course, they're not expected to be able to do a lot of writing. But by first grade, it's full-on speed ahead to get them reading and writing, because of course that 3rd grade WASL looms in the future, and George Bush's No Child Left Behind Act threatens like the Grim Reaper over every teacher to make sure her class meets the standard. Then again, he's only six years old after all, and a young six at that. But I remember at age six, I had already been reading for years, and of course was already writing. So my fear is for him to get "pegged" as remedial - just because it takes him a long time to write his letters...even though he can build complex K'NEX constructions designed for 14-year olds.
Of course, I know that boys often aren't 'ready' for such skills to a few years later....which is one reason people choose homeschooling, to let their kids progress at their own pace. And I love the idea of that, and try to incorporate unschooling ideas and philosophies into our daily lives when he is not at school. I feel like he's grown a lot this summer, being free of the Power Ranger influences from school, and has received more one-on-one map lessons, history lessons (he knows about the US.- Mexico War of 1848, that the US took away part of Mexico), science lessons (Pluto is actually just a big ball of gas), and so much more. But still...it's a privilege to be able to do that, and goodness sake, how can I afford NOT to work....when we can't even afford a stinkin' washing machine right now, and I am driving my PARENTS' car because I need a new clutch for mine....(and yet I still insist that I need to buy my son Hannah Anderssen clothes for school right now, because I only want to buy the best quality).
(PLUS, my self-esteem is suffering TERRIBLY from not having achieved my "full" potential...from not having truly pursued a career at all...and being afraid that if I don't do it soon enough, that I never will. Of course, I've covered up the gaps in my resume with the "Market Manager" promotional management jobs that I do - only a few days a month or so, recently- but the smoke and mirrors is cleared when I have to write down on government job applications the EXACT weekly hours and monthly hours I have worked. Then it shows up that my work experience really ain't worth shit.)
The other option is of course, the Montessori school one town over (the one in my town only goes up to grade K) ...I visited it and LOVED it, but there's the whole catch - $6,000/year - only $600/month! And the other Montessori school to the South, that goes to grade 8, even better - only $10,000 a year! What a bargain!
The next town over does have a public montessori, three days a week, but there's a long waiting list, I'd have to get permission to change districts (not too hard, we've got connections that can pull strings), but of course there's no before/after care, there's those two other days without school, too... and that of course rules out any chance of working, starting a career, and maybe giving myself the option to PURSUE LIFE ON MY OWN, or at least have the option to, and decide if I really want to be in this relationship, and not just because I am financially dependent (yes, we are back together again, but that is another entry. Some things are much better, addictions are under control, but still...I am confused, and apathetic).
So for now, off to public school we go. I am heartwarmed by Mrs. C, the first thing she did was look him directly in the eye and complement him for "being so patient" about waiting to meet her. I told her about his interests, and she said her earth day unit usually lasts much more than one day...up to six weeks! So perhaps we have found a kindred spirit after all.
And maybe of course, he doesn't need an expensive school. Maybe he'll do just find in regular school...as long as he has a happy, fulfilled (and perhaps medicated) mother....