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just as a warning this is a really long and stupid journal entry that I just wrote in order to vent and I do not expect anyone to actually read this and didn't even post it for the purpose of others reading it...like I said...I was just overwhelmed with some stuff and wanted to get it off my chest. Well, in all honesty I just wanted to scream...
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I remember a million years ago when we were still best friends, you told me that you just wanted to find a man to be with and "just be". I know, working full-time and going to school full-time is hard. That's why I dropped out. I know that you're a stronger person than me because you have your priorities in order and you just go and do whatever it is that you need to do. You aren't considering not going to school as an option. That shows some serious strength and character, because even I couldn't pull that one off.
I know, you probably hear this all the time, but try not to think so hard about pleasing everyone else around you. You know that Jonathan loves you. You know that your friends love you. You know that I love you. We'd all do anything to help you feel better about yourself because we hate seeing you down like this (ask anyone). I guess all I'm trying to say is, don't focus so much on changing because change is drastic and it's bringing you down in a big way. Work on what makes you happy before you start stressing about how Jonathan or anyone else feels. Don't disregard his feelings, of course, but make it known that you're in a low spot and him making you feel like a whiny bitch when you're obviously under stress is not helping. If he helped you feel good about you, you'd be able to reciprocate those feelings to him.
Love is not a one-way street, and other cliches like that.
Circe
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