Pack a vest for your Jimmy in the city of sex...
My title is from a Tu-Pac song...aren't I cool? Jon taught me some of the words yesterday on the way home and from these lyrics I learned that a "vest" is a condom..and your "jimmy" is your penis...wow...I feel so cool and dirty...lol.
So this weekend was Heather and Shane's wedding. It was so amazing to have the entire weekend off. I haven't had an entire weekend off in...like two months. So the wedding was amazing. I bawled like a little girl. It was so cute. Shane was watching Heather walk down the aisle and he was crying...ISN'T THAT SO CUTE?! And then they did the passage about "love is patient, love is kind"...I don't know what passage it is...Jami knows...ask her. Then..OMG...I started like sobbing when they lit the unity candle because they played that "It Feels Like Home" song. AND IT WAS SO AMAZING! I'm not an emotional person..but I was crying so much...Jon was like "are you ok?".
So anyway...Jon and I went and checked into our hotel room before the reception...that was fun because I tried to rape him in the elevator. So then we went to the reception...It was ok. It was just wierd because really the only people that we knew there was Heather and Shane and they were so busy we were just sitting at the bar...sipping our drinks like...k...So we left because I was hungry...so we went back to the hotel and Jon ordered me a pizza like the wonderful man that he is. And I was trying to stay awake and he was like...if you wanna take a nap it's ok..I'll wake you up when the pizza gets here. So he woke me up and it was SO CUTE. Because ok...It's not like I don't like the crusts of pizza but like on thick crust pizza it's like I just eat it because I don't want to be wasteful...So I was laying on the bed and handed my crust to Jonathan...offering it to him and he goes "you don't like the crust?" and I'm like "meh..not really" and he was like..."wow you are so perfect" and like went on this big rant about how amazing I am because all the thing I don't like and wierd things about me that most people wouldn't like are perfect for him and I'm like..."wow...I love you". So..we headed back to the reception...Maggie once again back in her dress and heals...(ow :() and so we got there and there were about five people there and they said heather and shane had just left. So we were like..ok...they said they'd be here til one...but that's cool. So then we went back to the hotel and found out they were in the same hotel in the room next to us...but we let them have their privacy. So we went back to the room and I was like "hey..let's get high"...Jon and I got SOOO high! It was Amazing...I love being high...it's just so cool. I don't think Jon and I mesh well when we're high though...cuz he want to just sit and chill and I'm like I love you so much I love you so much...and he's like..you're on me...what are you doing...you're making me nervous and I'm high so I get all like offended and stuff...it's crazy...but I'm getting so much better. But yeah..so when I was high on Saturday...I told Jon "why don't we just get engaged...I mean...I know I'm gonna marry you..and you know you're gonna marry me..." :/...oops...no more pot and weddings...back mix. At least he was too high to respond with something similar. So we slept and got up and ate breakfast and showered and it was so fun...and Jon...he's just so fun...he does the cutest things. He's getting like really comfortable around me naked...which is good. Because I like REALLY feel like it's good for a couple to be naked around each other alot. I mean..I dunno. I just do. I love that man.
One thing that's been bothering me...I don't understand the strip club thing. Jon's like..oh..so you're going to tell me I CAN'T go to a strip club. You're gonna start telling me what I can and can't do...so if I'm with my friends and they wanna go to a strip club I'm gonna have to say..no, my girlfriend won't let me.
Me: No...well..yeah. No...yeah...no..DAMN IT!
It just makes me physically ill to think that someone else is arousing my boyfriend. That he's looking at someone else...that she is..that he is...not that...I mean...it's just a casual strip club...but they dance..and the boobs...and the..and the LAP DANCES! OH HELl NO NOT ON MY MAN! I'm sorry...but last night he was all like...jokin around and was like "yeah let's go to a strip club together" and I'm like uh..that wouldn't work out well and he's like why and I'm like...because if I saw someone else give you a lap dance I would probably accidentally beat the shit out of her. And he's like..you've got jealousy issues...I can't explain myself to him so he'll understand. Whatever...why does it matter? He's always right anyway...I dunno...sometimes I feel like..i dunno...it's just he mentions that and I get sick and so angry and just want to cry...and I CANNOT EXPLAIN IT! and he just can't seem to respect the fact that even though I can't explain WHY I feel so strongly about it..I do...he just doesn't care...he says he'd do anything for me..but...i mean...I really don't want him to do this...and he just doesn't care...he just says I'm wrong...just acts like I'm being rediculous...I'm not trying to put him down or say bad things about him...I'm just looking for anyone who maybe understands how I feel. I would feel TERRIBLE if I went to a male strip club...it just doesn't seem like something I shoud do...look at other men. It's wrong...it's disgusting...do i not turn him on enough that he needs some sort of outside stimulation...Maybe I should just go to a strip club...maybe then I'd understand...maybe..but should I have to? Why can't he just love me enough to respect how I feel...oh well. What does it matter...he could sleep with a million other women while we're dating and I wouldn't leave him...why? Because I need him...which scares me...I love him...but because of him...or because of some fear I have of being alone...of not being loved...of not loving someone...This is all total nonsense..I'm sorry.. I love him...I know I love him. This is all just completely stupid. I just feel so helpless inside my stupid insecure mind sometimes. Just..so..stupid. Anyway...Whatever.
:)
So this weekend was Heather and Shane's wedding. It was so amazing to have the entire weekend off. I haven't had an entire weekend off in...like two months. So the wedding was amazing. I bawled like a little girl. It was so cute. Shane was watching Heather walk down the aisle and he was crying...ISN'T THAT SO CUTE?! And then they did the passage about "love is patient, love is kind"...I don't know what passage it is...Jami knows...ask her. Then..OMG...I started like sobbing when they lit the unity candle because they played that "It Feels Like Home" song. AND IT WAS SO AMAZING! I'm not an emotional person..but I was crying so much...Jon was like "are you ok?".
So anyway...Jon and I went and checked into our hotel room before the reception...that was fun because I tried to rape him in the elevator. So then we went to the reception...It was ok. It was just wierd because really the only people that we knew there was Heather and Shane and they were so busy we were just sitting at the bar...sipping our drinks like...k...So we left because I was hungry...so we went back to the hotel and Jon ordered me a pizza like the wonderful man that he is. And I was trying to stay awake and he was like...if you wanna take a nap it's ok..I'll wake you up when the pizza gets here. So he woke me up and it was SO CUTE. Because ok...It's not like I don't like the crusts of pizza but like on thick crust pizza it's like I just eat it because I don't want to be wasteful...So I was laying on the bed and handed my crust to Jonathan...offering it to him and he goes "you don't like the crust?" and I'm like "meh..not really" and he was like..."wow you are so perfect" and like went on this big rant about how amazing I am because all the thing I don't like and wierd things about me that most people wouldn't like are perfect for him and I'm like..."wow...I love you". So..we headed back to the reception...Maggie once again back in her dress and heals...(ow :() and so we got there and there were about five people there and they said heather and shane had just left. So we were like..ok...they said they'd be here til one...but that's cool. So then we went back to the hotel and found out they were in the same hotel in the room next to us...but we let them have their privacy. So we went back to the room and I was like "hey..let's get high"...Jon and I got SOOO high! It was Amazing...I love being high...it's just so cool. I don't think Jon and I mesh well when we're high though...cuz he want to just sit and chill and I'm like I love you so much I love you so much...and he's like..you're on me...what are you doing...you're making me nervous and I'm high so I get all like offended and stuff...it's crazy...but I'm getting so much better. But yeah..so when I was high on Saturday...I told Jon "why don't we just get engaged...I mean...I know I'm gonna marry you..and you know you're gonna marry me..." :/...oops...no more pot and weddings...back mix. At least he was too high to respond with something similar. So we slept and got up and ate breakfast and showered and it was so fun...and Jon...he's just so fun...he does the cutest things. He's getting like really comfortable around me naked...which is good. Because I like REALLY feel like it's good for a couple to be naked around each other alot. I mean..I dunno. I just do. I love that man.
One thing that's been bothering me...I don't understand the strip club thing. Jon's like..oh..so you're going to tell me I CAN'T go to a strip club. You're gonna start telling me what I can and can't do...so if I'm with my friends and they wanna go to a strip club I'm gonna have to say..no, my girlfriend won't let me.
Me: No...well..yeah. No...yeah...no..DAMN IT!
It just makes me physically ill to think that someone else is arousing my boyfriend. That he's looking at someone else...that she is..that he is...not that...I mean...it's just a casual strip club...but they dance..and the boobs...and the..and the LAP DANCES! OH HELl NO NOT ON MY MAN! I'm sorry...but last night he was all like...jokin around and was like "yeah let's go to a strip club together" and I'm like uh..that wouldn't work out well and he's like why and I'm like...because if I saw someone else give you a lap dance I would probably accidentally beat the shit out of her. And he's like..you've got jealousy issues...I can't explain myself to him so he'll understand. Whatever...why does it matter? He's always right anyway...I dunno...sometimes I feel like..i dunno...it's just he mentions that and I get sick and so angry and just want to cry...and I CANNOT EXPLAIN IT! and he just can't seem to respect the fact that even though I can't explain WHY I feel so strongly about it..I do...he just doesn't care...he says he'd do anything for me..but...i mean...I really don't want him to do this...and he just doesn't care...he just says I'm wrong...just acts like I'm being rediculous...I'm not trying to put him down or say bad things about him...I'm just looking for anyone who maybe understands how I feel. I would feel TERRIBLE if I went to a male strip club...it just doesn't seem like something I shoud do...look at other men. It's wrong...it's disgusting...do i not turn him on enough that he needs some sort of outside stimulation...Maybe I should just go to a strip club...maybe then I'd understand...maybe..but should I have to? Why can't he just love me enough to respect how I feel...oh well. What does it matter...he could sleep with a million other women while we're dating and I wouldn't leave him...why? Because I need him...which scares me...I love him...but because of him...or because of some fear I have of being alone...of not being loved...of not loving someone...This is all total nonsense..I'm sorry.. I love him...I know I love him. This is all just completely stupid. I just feel so helpless inside my stupid insecure mind sometimes. Just..so..stupid. Anyway...Whatever.
:)