Laugh for the Day
The job market is competitive, but the following statements should help put things into perspective. These have been lifted from actual résumés submitted to prospective employers. Last I heard, unintentional self-deprecation isn't the best strategy for getting hired. And as for proofreading, it's not yet overrated . . .
*Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty!
*It’s best for employers that I not work with people.
*Here are my qualifications for you to overlook.
*Seek challenges that test my mind and body, since the two are usually inseparable.
*Graduated in the top 66% of my class.
*Reason for leaving last job: The owner gave new meaning to the word paranoia. I prefer to elaborate privately.
*I am a rabid typist.
*I have a bachelorette degree in computers.
*Excellent memory; strong math aptitude; excellent memory; effective management skills; and very good at math.
*I worked as a Corporate Lesion.
*Reason for leaving last job: Pushed aside so the vice president’s girlfriend could steal my job
*Married, eight children. Prefer frequent travel.
*Education: Graduated from predatory school with honors.
*Special skills: Thyping.
*Never been fired, although it could happen anytime now.
*Referees available upon request.
*Previous rank: Senior instigator.
*Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty!
*It’s best for employers that I not work with people.
*Here are my qualifications for you to overlook.
*Seek challenges that test my mind and body, since the two are usually inseparable.
*Graduated in the top 66% of my class.
*Reason for leaving last job: The owner gave new meaning to the word paranoia. I prefer to elaborate privately.
*I am a rabid typist.
*I have a bachelorette degree in computers.
*Excellent memory; strong math aptitude; excellent memory; effective management skills; and very good at math.
*I worked as a Corporate Lesion.
*Reason for leaving last job: Pushed aside so the vice president’s girlfriend could steal my job
*Married, eight children. Prefer frequent travel.
*Education: Graduated from predatory school with honors.
*Special skills: Thyping.
*Never been fired, although it could happen anytime now.
*Referees available upon request.
*Previous rank: Senior instigator.