boys (1/X)
I 
It's a sad statement that my first livejournal post...EVER...is going to be about a boy. Sadder still is that this won't be the last of its kind. Oh well...I'm boytarded. I can't help it.
So. I did a bad thing. I kissed a boy that I swore I was not going to touch; he has a significant other and it was agreed that, while there is a mutual attraction (one might even say "crush"), there is a mutual disdain for the shittiness that is "cheating". It was a bittersweet moment of confession followed by "wow...this sucks". I thought I would be tough, and I was, until the drinking began :) Now, I may not be a "good" girl in the boring, play by the rules sense, but I pride myself on being a "nice" girl, and kissing someone else's boyfriend is NOT nice. I was so morbidly intoxicated that I was unaware that I was doing it at the time and remember only parts of it now. I remember enough to know it was a very nice kiss and, if the situation were different I would gleefully do it again. But the following two days were spent being physically ill with guilt over what had happened. I finally vowed to never let it happen again and to pretend I didn't remember it had ever occurred at all. But. This weekend, while intoxicated once again I ended up having a heart to heart with this boy about what had transpired. He was worried that I was mad at him, which I am not, and I was worried that he was mad at me, which he is not. I confessed that I did sort of remember us kissing once when we shouldn't have and he laughed.
"We kissed at least three times" he tells me.
What? I kissed him three times and I don't even remember one of those times clearly?! This is terrible. I sinned and don't even have the pleasure of remembering my sin. I am steadfast in my resolve to not let it happen again but I feel ripped off. I feel like maybe I should get to do it just one more time...just so that I know what I'm missing, for reals. And maybe it's better that I don't remember, but I can recall enough to assume it was/is a kiss I would really enjoy.
Being nice sucks.
It's a sad statement that my first livejournal post...EVER...is going to be about a boy. Sadder still is that this won't be the last of its kind. Oh well...I'm boytarded. I can't help it.
So. I did a bad thing. I kissed a boy that I swore I was not going to touch; he has a significant other and it was agreed that, while there is a mutual attraction (one might even say "crush"), there is a mutual disdain for the shittiness that is "cheating". It was a bittersweet moment of confession followed by "wow...this sucks". I thought I would be tough, and I was, until the drinking began :) Now, I may not be a "good" girl in the boring, play by the rules sense, but I pride myself on being a "nice" girl, and kissing someone else's boyfriend is NOT nice. I was so morbidly intoxicated that I was unaware that I was doing it at the time and remember only parts of it now. I remember enough to know it was a very nice kiss and, if the situation were different I would gleefully do it again. But the following two days were spent being physically ill with guilt over what had happened. I finally vowed to never let it happen again and to pretend I didn't remember it had ever occurred at all. But. This weekend, while intoxicated once again I ended up having a heart to heart with this boy about what had transpired. He was worried that I was mad at him, which I am not, and I was worried that he was mad at me, which he is not. I confessed that I did sort of remember us kissing once when we shouldn't have and he laughed.
"We kissed at least three times" he tells me.
What? I kissed him three times and I don't even remember one of those times clearly?! This is terrible. I sinned and don't even have the pleasure of remembering my sin. I am steadfast in my resolve to not let it happen again but I feel ripped off. I feel like maybe I should get to do it just one more time...just so that I know what I'm missing, for reals. And maybe it's better that I don't remember, but I can recall enough to assume it was/is a kiss I would really enjoy.
Being nice sucks.