(no subject)
I stopped by Dawson again today to drop off some flowers on LC's behalf after work. The entire ride home my mind's been wandering...
Alot of the buzz about the Dawson Shootings is dying down, but I'm still affected. It's in the back of my mind, perkalating. Like there's a part of me that's still stuck there, trying to figure things out. Where to sort these emotions. Perhaps it's the peer counselling I'm doing that's making it harder. I'm taking away baggage from others, but part of it hides within me. I keep crying. I'm sensitive.
My Dad's comming into town tomorrow to take me out to breakfast. He's worried about me. He was telling me a story about how hard I cried and cried when I learnt that there were holes in the ozone layer. Apparently when he went to check on me in my room a few hours later all I could say to him was "Daddy, if it's killing us, why don't we stop?". He said for some reason he thought of this, about how completely I feel things, and wanted to come visit so I could talk to him and let things out. I guess he's noticed that I'm taking these events rather hard. He did the same thing after 9/11.
Sometimes I'm still that little girl asking "Daddy, if it's killing us, why don't we stop?"
I'm overwhelmed by all the hurt we cause each other, the same way I'm enraptured by the wicked beauty of living. I refuse to sit back and be jaded by everything, I refuse to withdraw in disgust. I will not be apathetic.
So, I'll continue to volunteer. I'll keep giving charities my money. I'll keep trying to counsel and inspire people. People may see my attempts are pathetic, or naive, but frankly, I couldn't give a damn. I'm going to keep wearing my heart on my sleeve, and I'm going to keep getting hurt. Some may consider this stupidity, a lack of learning from my mistakes... but I don't see it that way. I call it caring.
And I've seen some monumental displays of courage and caring in the past few days, so I know I'm not alone on this one. Thank you to all my friends, who are continual inspirations to me.
Alot of the buzz about the Dawson Shootings is dying down, but I'm still affected. It's in the back of my mind, perkalating. Like there's a part of me that's still stuck there, trying to figure things out. Where to sort these emotions. Perhaps it's the peer counselling I'm doing that's making it harder. I'm taking away baggage from others, but part of it hides within me. I keep crying. I'm sensitive.
My Dad's comming into town tomorrow to take me out to breakfast. He's worried about me. He was telling me a story about how hard I cried and cried when I learnt that there were holes in the ozone layer. Apparently when he went to check on me in my room a few hours later all I could say to him was "Daddy, if it's killing us, why don't we stop?". He said for some reason he thought of this, about how completely I feel things, and wanted to come visit so I could talk to him and let things out. I guess he's noticed that I'm taking these events rather hard. He did the same thing after 9/11.
Sometimes I'm still that little girl asking "Daddy, if it's killing us, why don't we stop?"
I'm overwhelmed by all the hurt we cause each other, the same way I'm enraptured by the wicked beauty of living. I refuse to sit back and be jaded by everything, I refuse to withdraw in disgust. I will not be apathetic.
So, I'll continue to volunteer. I'll keep giving charities my money. I'll keep trying to counsel and inspire people. People may see my attempts are pathetic, or naive, but frankly, I couldn't give a damn. I'm going to keep wearing my heart on my sleeve, and I'm going to keep getting hurt. Some may consider this stupidity, a lack of learning from my mistakes... but I don't see it that way. I call it caring.
And I've seen some monumental displays of courage and caring in the past few days, so I know I'm not alone on this one. Thank you to all my friends, who are continual inspirations to me.