"blah,blah, blah..."
It's been a few days since I last wrote in my LJ. I've been so damn busy this past week. The boys stayed at my mother's house of the holiday weekend. My mom said that she had such a great time as it reminded her of when my sister and I were little. Now you'd think that as parents that Amy and I would be able to enjoy some "free" time? Yeah, right....if anything it was worse! I had to shoot a wedding on Sunday that went really well. It was the first time that Amy ever assisted me. She did such a damn good job and actually saved my ass on a couple of shots. We had Laurie, Chris, Melodie and Trey over Friday night. We pretty much just drank....and drank....and drank! It was nice not to have to worry about the boys for at least one night. We went to pick the boys up on Monday from my mothers. (Enter my Funk) I haven't seen them in 3 days and I can't wait to play with them. When we got there all they wanted was their mother. It was like they could've cared less if I was there. Well I just blew it off, no problem right? A few days ago I was at my in-laws watching the boys waiting to pick up Amy from work. I hung out with the boys in the back bedroom and they still didn't really have an interest in playing with me. Usually Nick will crawl over and lay in my lap or something but nothing. Amy's dad came into the room to get something for the girls and the boys ran over to him. Noah was all over him and Nick was pulling up at his knee's just laughing. When he left they both just broke down and starting crying. I tried to get Noah to come over to me...you know.."Daddy's here" type of stuff but nothing. A few minutes later Nicholas started playing with a toy and pretty much distracted Noah from the fact that their grandfather had left the room. Once again it was just the three of us. They still had nothing to do with me and now my feelings are starting to get hurt. Andy, Amy's brother came into the room and the boys went straight to him. He picked up Noah and he laid his head down on his shoulder...a real fucking "Kodak" moment! Andy puts him down and leaves the room...they start crying. What the fuck...I'm still here...begging practically for their attention, nothing. Finally I decide it's time to go get Amy so I packed them up and left. I think that it's the fact that I only see them for an hour or so a day and that's just to put them down at night. "Story" time is our time together...I make it a point to read them two stories and say their prayers with them. Amy says that they are comfortable with me and no that I'll always be there for them. That's why they don't respond to me like others...their used to me? I use to come home from work and they'd greet me at the baby gate...yesterday, nothing. It was like I wasn't even there....blah. If I don't work the schedule that I do then we can't afford the roof over our heads. It's a double edged sword I tell ya....fucking sucks! In providing for my wife and children I feel like I'm loosing the bond I once had with them...damned if ya do-damned if ya don't!!!