(no subject)
I should be at Petsmart right now, volunteering with Save-A-Life, but I've spent most of the morning, curled up on bed, trying to still my racing heart. I had two lucid dreams last night/early this morning. The first one wasn't so bad, but it marked the first time in which I had a dream involving my family in which my mother wasn't there. I've had other dreams about my family in which mom wasn't there, but this was the first dream in which I was conscious to the fact that Mom's dead. The second dream however...was just freaky.
I usually dream in color with a great amount of detail, and I've gotten really good at remembering the majority of the details since I started keeping a dream journal three years ago. Usually that is cool, but not this time. This time I vividly watched myself get kidnapped, drugged, and raped. This dream was scarier then the recurring dream I used to have a child which which a rabid demon was chasing me around the Lucas Theater and trying to eat my soul.
The dream started out at a Denny's (no more Veggie Tales Silly Songs for me) where I was hanging out with family and friends. Oddly enough, my mother was a live in this one. Anyway, I'm approached by a guy in his middle 20's. He's Caucasian, ranger hair cut, dirty blond hair, hazel eyes, lean but muscular build, and wearing khaki's and a white dress shirt. I don't know this person in real life, but in my dream we were good friends. He asks me to hang out with him at his place. He had a very large beach side condo, it had wall too wall light blue carpet and everything else was white. So anyway, it's all good and I make my way over to a bar in the dinning room to get some water when his face changes. He gets a look in his eyes, that I'm unstable and capable of great harm look. He starts confessing his everlasting love and acting very possessive. He begins screaming "You're never going to leave me...I can't live without you...You're mine, now". He grabs me and forces a needle in my upper arm and then another one in thigh. I stagger away and try to get to the front door that is just outside of the dinning room. I'm loopy by the time I get to the door and he grabs my again. This time he shoves me against a wall, stabs a knife in my right shoulder and rapes me from behind. Next, I wake up in his bed an I know that I had been raped repeatedly over the night. This goes on for a couple of days until I start a fire and burn the place down. As the house burns, I walk down the white washed staircase to the beach where
leaper182 and Alicia are waiting for me with a blanket.
I'm surprised to didn't wake up screaming. I have only given enough of the details to describe what a scary dream that was, but man...I can still feel his hands on me. Damn, why'd I go and flush my Xanax.
So now I must buy Leaper and Alicia lunch for being my knights in shining armor. I don't want to psycho-analysis that dream, I'm just going to blame it on watching too many legal shows and reading Zutara capture fics before bed and leave it at that. (No more Cold Case Files marathons for me.)
In other news, my mother's estate has been completely taken care of. I now own the house and it is paid for, and I turned in the last bit of paper work for Mom's car on Wednesday. There wasn't really a sense of closure as I finished all of that. However, I'm very glad I don't have to deal with any of those people for very long time, if ever. Todd was named as Dad's Executor because Dad didn't want me to have to do all of this for him if he dies while I'm in law school. So yays! Todd can deal with crazy insurance companies.
We still have no word on when the criminal case will be and we just added another party to the civil suit, but more on those later.