Night

[maelv]

The nights seem to be slowing down, not passing as quickly. And just when I settle into that slow pattern, they fly by so quickly that I am left staggering to keep up. My nights are filled with Jesse and Avicus, our home is full of laughter. Age old bitterness is gone having been replaced by silent understanding and reflection. I don’t know why I did it, this time I went to her site and read what she had to say. I will never be allowed to forget that night, not that I have tried. I can only imagine the pain it would have caused him had I actually given in to my lusty anger.
As soon as I think we are past all such things, he comes to me and speaks of torment. Neither of us can change the past. I cannot return to Constantinople and kill her to keep him with me. It would have had a horrible effect on him as he was enamored with her from the moment he set his dark eyes upon hers. I want to feel as though this time from him was part of a destiny, perhaps not destiny but more fate. I needed to roam and be alone; it was to teach me a lesson. Only in my loneliness did I truthfully understand what it meant to be alone. I had the chance to grow and change and change I did. But not for the better.
The past is gone Avicus, only our memories remain. Let them go as I am trying to do. They do neither of us any good.