Shields

[maelanna]

I'm going to bleach the black out of the front of my hair...now. Dunno if I'll dye it anything later, but the rest of my hair has turned bright pink on me...weird since I got it all out before going red. Well it's not that bright anymore, that's fading too...maybe I'll re-do it, I dunno.

I failed at mking rice tonight, somehow i failed at packaged rice...I think I added too much water and then too much butter...but the rice doesn't even seem fully cooked...blah...still ate it.

Finished watching United States of Tara. I like that show.

I don't like being in my own thoughts...

Shields and Walls...Shields of Walls...little bursts of crumbling...more Shields and Walls...if I let myself feel everything, if I didn't put up these stupid defenses I'd be useless...I'd just be crying in a corner over everything that's fucked up in my life.

this is stupid...

fuck

I'm just an overemotional whiny child who doesn't know how to handle the real world. My ex was right.

I severely want to punch something right now...but that would likely make a lot of noise and I don't want to freak Karen and her mom out...or break the walls...though wood paneling...

uurgg fuck this!