The weight of the world...
*phew* I feel as if the weight of the world has been lifted from my shoulders--well, somewhat.
In my last entry I said something about possibly writing Megan a letter to try to clear the air a little bit. I did this Monday night in the most serious way possible (for me): unlined parchment paper, ink, glass dip pen, and a wax seal. If someone gets one of these letters from me it means that I am dead serious about whatever I am telling them--or it means that I love them very much ;). Anyway, I had some of my friends read this letter to make sure that I didn't sound mad or over-dramatic or anything and they all thought that it was a really good letter. I'm not going to post it on here because it's private...but it basically said that I was not mad at her and I didn't want the awkwardness to be so thick in the air all the time. Of course, it's going to be awkward no matter WHAT I do, but I thought that could try to alleviate it a bit.
I think it worked the way I wanted it to. I ran into Megan yesterday afternoon and she thanked me for writing the letter and apologized for the awkwardness. I think we need to get to know each other better at some point. Anyway, I then walked upstairs in my dorm and passed the room of one of my friends and there was Chris. I ALMOST kept on walking without saying a word...almost. He stopped me and said that we needed to talk, which I agreed that we needed to as well. We went to my room and then spent 1 &1/2 hours talking, hugging for the first time in ages, and crying a little (yes, crying). I hate to admit it, but I really do miss him--more than I ever thought I would. We both agreed that it was impossible for us to 'quit' each other cold turkey like that after 2 years of being the only thing in each other's world. We decided that since we had never really gotten a chance to be 'just friends' that we should attempt to do that now.
I know that there are some people who will read this and think "why is she even bothering with him?". I totally understand. After the tears that I've shed for him, why should I even give him the light of day? I am because it's not in my person, my being if you will, to be vengeful or angry all the time. I enjoy peace and making peace among friends. No, we are not getting back together--not right now, anyway. But even if we did in the future months I don't want people to judge me for it. I know you all mean the best for me and only want to protect me from heartache and I really appreciate it. But I've learned that even in this fairy tale world that I live in there is going to be heartache. The heartache is what makes the happy moments sweeter in the end.
Right now, however, I'm happy to be home for a mini-Thanksgiving vacation. I say 'mini' because my family is going to moving into a new house for most of this break. Hooray. Oh well, at least I get to play with Aidan as much as I want. It's scary how much he has grown up while I've been away. But at least he still recognizes his beloved "Auntie M" (that's me :)).
Time to go eat....I'm starving!
In my last entry I said something about possibly writing Megan a letter to try to clear the air a little bit. I did this Monday night in the most serious way possible (for me): unlined parchment paper, ink, glass dip pen, and a wax seal. If someone gets one of these letters from me it means that I am dead serious about whatever I am telling them--or it means that I love them very much ;). Anyway, I had some of my friends read this letter to make sure that I didn't sound mad or over-dramatic or anything and they all thought that it was a really good letter. I'm not going to post it on here because it's private...but it basically said that I was not mad at her and I didn't want the awkwardness to be so thick in the air all the time. Of course, it's going to be awkward no matter WHAT I do, but I thought that could try to alleviate it a bit.
I think it worked the way I wanted it to. I ran into Megan yesterday afternoon and she thanked me for writing the letter and apologized for the awkwardness. I think we need to get to know each other better at some point. Anyway, I then walked upstairs in my dorm and passed the room of one of my friends and there was Chris. I ALMOST kept on walking without saying a word...almost. He stopped me and said that we needed to talk, which I agreed that we needed to as well. We went to my room and then spent 1 &1/2 hours talking, hugging for the first time in ages, and crying a little (yes, crying). I hate to admit it, but I really do miss him--more than I ever thought I would. We both agreed that it was impossible for us to 'quit' each other cold turkey like that after 2 years of being the only thing in each other's world. We decided that since we had never really gotten a chance to be 'just friends' that we should attempt to do that now.
I know that there are some people who will read this and think "why is she even bothering with him?". I totally understand. After the tears that I've shed for him, why should I even give him the light of day? I am because it's not in my person, my being if you will, to be vengeful or angry all the time. I enjoy peace and making peace among friends. No, we are not getting back together--not right now, anyway. But even if we did in the future months I don't want people to judge me for it. I know you all mean the best for me and only want to protect me from heartache and I really appreciate it. But I've learned that even in this fairy tale world that I live in there is going to be heartache. The heartache is what makes the happy moments sweeter in the end.
Right now, however, I'm happy to be home for a mini-Thanksgiving vacation. I say 'mini' because my family is going to moving into a new house for most of this break. Hooray. Oh well, at least I get to play with Aidan as much as I want. It's scary how much he has grown up while I've been away. But at least he still recognizes his beloved "Auntie M" (that's me :)).
Time to go eat....I'm starving!