(no subject)
I sat down today to register for classes for my final year of college. My classes amounted to some mundane general education courses I left out of my curriculum until now, huge mistake, and some advanced communication theory courses, all of which seem like minor altercations of classes I've taken in the past. Basically, I realized that through studying communications among humans for the past three years I have learned so much, and nothing at all. There is no answer to anything I've studied. There exist theories why things occur, but there is always an exception, always a contrasting opinion that an entire subculture of theorists adhere to. The knowledge of all of this really comes down to the fact that there is no fact. Humans are the most complex entities, filled with amazing variations of experience and are affected by every aspect of life: psychological, sociological, physiological and rationality. Every person is as different, (and cliche) as snowflakes, each magnificent and intricate.
I don't know where I will ever go with such degree. I fear that I will end up like every other communications major, in some company assigning tasks and following processes. But that is all there is anymore, and with such an unbalanced, open minded education I don't know how I'll ever apply what I know to life in a worldly manner... besides being a writer.
One of my favorite professors, Tepaske, ended his class with the chaos theory after we digested many theories about human activity and media effects. He brought it down to one point: there is no answer. To predict human behavior would mean to consider every aspect of every moment of life that ever existed on earth and that is unfathomable and beyond our reach entirely. Instead, we ride along with theorists who make sense to us and apply their material as best we can to this completely mixed up array of human behavior. Closing his semester on this note made me feel extremely inadequate and small, although he makes a bold point. Why is that realization so reassuring and yet terrifying?
My sister is going to school to learn how to clean teeth and prescribe medicine. We exchange our tests and laugh at the outstanding differences in our college studies. Sometimes I feel that learning a strict process would be so much easier in terms of finding a job and rationalizing why I spent irreversible debt to obtain a college education. But when it comes down to it I feel this was the best route for me, and I am blessed to have entered and almost completed this phase of my life although I have no idea where its going.
All I want to do is write and be with my soulmate. Am I lazy? Probably. But it really is my only means of escape and organization of all the shaky understandings I've come to know. My exposure to life since entering college has made me both excited to understand life, and hide away from it all, into my own security of written creation, away from the chase of understanding fundamentals of human cognition, and into my own personal perplexed, young adult mind.
I don't know where I will ever go with such degree. I fear that I will end up like every other communications major, in some company assigning tasks and following processes. But that is all there is anymore, and with such an unbalanced, open minded education I don't know how I'll ever apply what I know to life in a worldly manner... besides being a writer.
One of my favorite professors, Tepaske, ended his class with the chaos theory after we digested many theories about human activity and media effects. He brought it down to one point: there is no answer. To predict human behavior would mean to consider every aspect of every moment of life that ever existed on earth and that is unfathomable and beyond our reach entirely. Instead, we ride along with theorists who make sense to us and apply their material as best we can to this completely mixed up array of human behavior. Closing his semester on this note made me feel extremely inadequate and small, although he makes a bold point. Why is that realization so reassuring and yet terrifying?
My sister is going to school to learn how to clean teeth and prescribe medicine. We exchange our tests and laugh at the outstanding differences in our college studies. Sometimes I feel that learning a strict process would be so much easier in terms of finding a job and rationalizing why I spent irreversible debt to obtain a college education. But when it comes down to it I feel this was the best route for me, and I am blessed to have entered and almost completed this phase of my life although I have no idea where its going.
All I want to do is write and be with my soulmate. Am I lazy? Probably. But it really is my only means of escape and organization of all the shaky understandings I've come to know. My exposure to life since entering college has made me both excited to understand life, and hide away from it all, into my own security of written creation, away from the chase of understanding fundamentals of human cognition, and into my own personal perplexed, young adult mind.