When his sight goes red again
Dammit, Eddie!
Yesterday, 3:45 p.m.
I walk into Footwear backstock with Flexo, and "Better Man" is playing on the radio.
Me: AUUGH! BETTER MAN! BETTER MAN!
Flexo: What is your problem?
Me: "Better Man"! It's the Curse! Weird shit is going to happen!
Flexo: Oh, right. Who is this, again? Nirvana?
Me: Pearl Jam, Flexo. Eddie Vedder and his Curse?
Then Gary walked in, and he knew immediately: "Alaina's going home now, right? Because I don't want to be here when the ceiling caves in."
Last night, 9:30 p.m.
Me: I'm going to bed.
Yes, friends, I fell asleep before ten p.m. last night. I slept until 2:30, at which point I woke up for about an hour and a half. That brings us to...
7:15 a.m.
Kerri texts me. I respond.
Then my cell phone rings.
And I answer it, and all it is is breathy noise, as if someone had mashed his hand on the phone pad and managed to get my number while his right hand was otherwise occupied. It was a Private number, so I have no idea who it was. But that set me off for the rest of the day.
Plus, Kerri kept texting me at that early in the morning, which meant I couldn't get back to sleep. Because yes, I was still tired. I ended up sleeping about twelve hours yesterday. Insane!
Noon
I call City Hall, because I wanted to make sure I was registered to vote in Portland.
"Oh, I'm sorry, the latest address we have for you is Brunswick."
Okay, I figure I'll drive up to Brunswick before work next Tuesday, no big. Amelia thoughtfully suggested that I call Brunswick to make sure that I am, indeed registered. I had gone to the DMV with Amelia back in July to update my address and change my voter registration. Amelia did the same, but she received confirmation of the address and registration change. I did not.
Turns out, the wonderful State of Maine cancelled my voter registration for Brunswick without changing it to Portland, as requested. So now I have to truck to City Hall tomorrow, re-register to vote, and what the hell, vote, so I don't have to worry about it on Tuesday. But Jeebus Christ on a cracker, that's what I was trying to avoid back in freaking July.
3:45 p.m.
Run into Uncle Jean at work, and he picks up immediately on the fact that I'm having an off day. I tell him about my gentleman caller that morning.
Uncle Jean: You know what you should have said?
Me: Oh yeah, I had that all figured out about three hours after the fact. "I really hope you're enjoying fondling your balls, because if I ever find out who this is, I'm going to cut them off and spoon-feed them to you, so suck on that."
Uncle Jean: (Speechless) That is SO MUCH BETTER than I was going to say.
4:15 p.m.
So there's this gas savings program at work, where you sign up with something called OverRide, and for signing up you receive a card and once a week, you can save 10 cents a gallon for gas. It's up to 20 gallons a week (which, my car's tank is tiny - eight gallons at most, and luckily, I get 30 mpg), and if you haven't used the benefit in two weeks, the benefit expires. But you usually end up with about 20 cents you can use in any given week.
ANYWAY. I signed up for this back in September, and never received my card. I called two weeks ago, and they said they'd send me a new one, but I still haven't received it. So I called the good people at OverRide, and had the following conversation:
Me: (Very curt) Yes, I signed up for the OverRide program through ------ back on September 19th, and I have not received a card yet. I called two weeks ago and Lisa said that she'd get another card sent out, but it's been two weeks and I haven't seen it.
Luke: Okay, what's your email address?
Me: A L A I N A -
Luke: Wait, A I L A -
Me: No. A. L. A. I. N. A. dot. [etc]
Luke: And your address is still ----
Me: Yes.
Luke: And that's in Portland --
Me: Yes. And it's been six weeks, and I've lost about 60 cents in the past six weeks that I could have used, I expect that that will be reimbursed to me in some way.
Luke: Oh, yes ma'am, that's not a question. You won't lose that.
Me: Good.
Anyway. I pretty much used my Chain of Screaming on Luke. And I felt much better.
5:15
I call home.
Me: Hey, I didn't happen to get my OverRide card in the mail today, did I?
Amelia: Yeah, you did!
Me: DAMMIT.
Amelia: What?!
Me: Of course it would show up on the day I exercised my Pyramid of Screaming rights on poor OverRide Guy.
Amelia: Oh.
11:15
Flexo said he'd update the Holiday sheet through ShopVue. And yeah, he updated the hand-written changes on it. Did he actually go through everyone's history and update the dates the holidays were used? NO. FRICKIN' BOYS.
Halloween on Friday! Eddie, so help me God, if you Fuck This Up, you jump to the top of my Hit List.
And by "hit", I mean "kill." Not "tap" or "boink". Just sayin', so we're on the same page.
Yesterday, 3:45 p.m.
I walk into Footwear backstock with Flexo, and "Better Man" is playing on the radio.
Me: AUUGH! BETTER MAN! BETTER MAN!
Flexo: What is your problem?
Me: "Better Man"! It's the Curse! Weird shit is going to happen!
Flexo: Oh, right. Who is this, again? Nirvana?
Me: Pearl Jam, Flexo. Eddie Vedder and his Curse?
Then Gary walked in, and he knew immediately: "Alaina's going home now, right? Because I don't want to be here when the ceiling caves in."
Last night, 9:30 p.m.
Me: I'm going to bed.
Yes, friends, I fell asleep before ten p.m. last night. I slept until 2:30, at which point I woke up for about an hour and a half. That brings us to...
7:15 a.m.
Kerri texts me. I respond.
Then my cell phone rings.
And I answer it, and all it is is breathy noise, as if someone had mashed his hand on the phone pad and managed to get my number while his right hand was otherwise occupied. It was a Private number, so I have no idea who it was. But that set me off for the rest of the day.
Plus, Kerri kept texting me at that early in the morning, which meant I couldn't get back to sleep. Because yes, I was still tired. I ended up sleeping about twelve hours yesterday. Insane!
Noon
I call City Hall, because I wanted to make sure I was registered to vote in Portland.
"Oh, I'm sorry, the latest address we have for you is Brunswick."
Okay, I figure I'll drive up to Brunswick before work next Tuesday, no big. Amelia thoughtfully suggested that I call Brunswick to make sure that I am, indeed registered. I had gone to the DMV with Amelia back in July to update my address and change my voter registration. Amelia did the same, but she received confirmation of the address and registration change. I did not.
Turns out, the wonderful State of Maine cancelled my voter registration for Brunswick without changing it to Portland, as requested. So now I have to truck to City Hall tomorrow, re-register to vote, and what the hell, vote, so I don't have to worry about it on Tuesday. But Jeebus Christ on a cracker, that's what I was trying to avoid back in freaking July.
3:45 p.m.
Run into Uncle Jean at work, and he picks up immediately on the fact that I'm having an off day. I tell him about my gentleman caller that morning.
Uncle Jean: You know what you should have said?
Me: Oh yeah, I had that all figured out about three hours after the fact. "I really hope you're enjoying fondling your balls, because if I ever find out who this is, I'm going to cut them off and spoon-feed them to you, so suck on that."
Uncle Jean: (Speechless) That is SO MUCH BETTER than I was going to say.
4:15 p.m.
So there's this gas savings program at work, where you sign up with something called OverRide, and for signing up you receive a card and once a week, you can save 10 cents a gallon for gas. It's up to 20 gallons a week (which, my car's tank is tiny - eight gallons at most, and luckily, I get 30 mpg), and if you haven't used the benefit in two weeks, the benefit expires. But you usually end up with about 20 cents you can use in any given week.
ANYWAY. I signed up for this back in September, and never received my card. I called two weeks ago, and they said they'd send me a new one, but I still haven't received it. So I called the good people at OverRide, and had the following conversation:
Me: (Very curt) Yes, I signed up for the OverRide program through ------ back on September 19th, and I have not received a card yet. I called two weeks ago and Lisa said that she'd get another card sent out, but it's been two weeks and I haven't seen it.
Luke: Okay, what's your email address?
Me: A L A I N A -
Luke: Wait, A I L A -
Me: No. A. L. A. I. N. A. dot. [etc]
Luke: And your address is still ----
Me: Yes.
Luke: And that's in Portland --
Me: Yes. And it's been six weeks, and I've lost about 60 cents in the past six weeks that I could have used, I expect that that will be reimbursed to me in some way.
Luke: Oh, yes ma'am, that's not a question. You won't lose that.
Me: Good.
Anyway. I pretty much used my Chain of Screaming on Luke. And I felt much better.
5:15
I call home.
Me: Hey, I didn't happen to get my OverRide card in the mail today, did I?
Amelia: Yeah, you did!
Me: DAMMIT.
Amelia: What?!
Me: Of course it would show up on the day I exercised my Pyramid of Screaming rights on poor OverRide Guy.
Amelia: Oh.
11:15
Flexo said he'd update the Holiday sheet through ShopVue. And yeah, he updated the hand-written changes on it. Did he actually go through everyone's history and update the dates the holidays were used? NO. FRICKIN' BOYS.
Halloween on Friday! Eddie, so help me God, if you Fuck This Up, you jump to the top of my Hit List.
And by "hit", I mean "kill." Not "tap" or "boink". Just sayin', so we're on the same page.