next time 'round I'll get it right
what a weird week. 2 KKG shows, 1 Bedbox show, a party, no, 2 parties, lotsa drinking, weed brownies, and weirdness. heck, it was friday the 13th after all.
i really felt like shit for the first time in about 2 months. I was learning paul's songs, and goddamnit, they were just in one ear, sit around for 10 seconds, then right out the other ear. Is my memory totally fried or do i just think my memory is fried, therefore causing me to forget shit easily? Or was 5 songs in 1 day just too much for anyone to learn? maybe I'm just too hard on myself. But I really felt stupid.
Then that night I experienced my supposed "depression jinx." Whenever I tell someone that I've been feeling great for so long now and I think I've finally overcome my recurring bouts of paranoid despair, guess what comes back? fuck, and on the very day of a big party at my new place, i just had to get stoned off the tiniest drag of a joint, and get totally paranoid and scared of everyone at the party, and spend the whole time hiding in my room thinking that everyone is probably making fun of me downstairs, only to find out the next day that everyone else got severely stoned too, so I wasn't alone after all. but damn, what a horrible night. sorry to charles if i was weird, but your talk about the ass was kinda freaking me out.
now I'm being terribly shy about calling and emailing important people about very important issues involving my future well-being, just because i get this way when i have to communicate with important people who scare me because i'm paranoid. i just keep pushing it back a day at a time, thinking that i'll feel confident tomorrow, but I'm just making my chances worse every day.
I think I'm really losing faith in the goodness of life. and in myself. and i've already lost faith in love. sounds like a recipe for disaster. either i'm gonna find god, or i'm gonna get my shit together and be successful, or i can't imagine what else.
its such a bloody mindfuck! UGH!
i really felt like shit for the first time in about 2 months. I was learning paul's songs, and goddamnit, they were just in one ear, sit around for 10 seconds, then right out the other ear. Is my memory totally fried or do i just think my memory is fried, therefore causing me to forget shit easily? Or was 5 songs in 1 day just too much for anyone to learn? maybe I'm just too hard on myself. But I really felt stupid.
Then that night I experienced my supposed "depression jinx." Whenever I tell someone that I've been feeling great for so long now and I think I've finally overcome my recurring bouts of paranoid despair, guess what comes back? fuck, and on the very day of a big party at my new place, i just had to get stoned off the tiniest drag of a joint, and get totally paranoid and scared of everyone at the party, and spend the whole time hiding in my room thinking that everyone is probably making fun of me downstairs, only to find out the next day that everyone else got severely stoned too, so I wasn't alone after all. but damn, what a horrible night. sorry to charles if i was weird, but your talk about the ass was kinda freaking me out.
now I'm being terribly shy about calling and emailing important people about very important issues involving my future well-being, just because i get this way when i have to communicate with important people who scare me because i'm paranoid. i just keep pushing it back a day at a time, thinking that i'll feel confident tomorrow, but I'm just making my chances worse every day.
I think I'm really losing faith in the goodness of life. and in myself. and i've already lost faith in love. sounds like a recipe for disaster. either i'm gonna find god, or i'm gonna get my shit together and be successful, or i can't imagine what else.
its such a bloody mindfuck! UGH!