The Tenacity Of Bizarre Nitwittery
The longer I live the more I see that if you really want an urban legend to survive the test of time, you have to make it as bizarre as possible. The more bizarre it is the more tenacious it hangs on in popular consciousness, and this is especially true if it's a political urban legend. And if it's really bizarre, it can cling so tightly that it keeps moving from president to president, wiping the memories of its believers when the White House changes parties.
Think about the FEMA civilian detention camp story, for example. This cropped up during the Reagan administration, and every president since then has been eagerly building secret concentration camps for U.S. citizens until such time as he felt confident enough to declare martial law. I've been hearing about chemtrails since Clinton. In every case, with a new president the story revitalizes itself as if it's brand new, and the people who spout them completely forget that they were spinning the same tale about the previous president. Or else they say the president is merely a pawn of the real players, Teh New World Illumiorder.
I didn't think there would be a bizarre story to top these, but I just ran across one that's come close. World Net Daily, your free source for all things bizarre, is trying to make a stir with a story claiming that Obama is giving away seven Alaskan islands to Russia. Oil-rich islands, no less. The islands in question are Wrangel, Bennett, Jeanette, Henrietta, Copper, Sea Lion Rock, and Sea Otter Rock.
(Adding to the confusion here is that some blogs have misspelled Wrangel as Wrangell, which actually is an Alaskan island off the southeast portion of the state near Canada. But no doubt those freaky Canadians are in on this too.)
Normally WND is written by staff moonlighting from the National Enquirer, so I can only assume that the Enquirer needed their people back for some overtime, because as it happens this story originally appeared in World Net Daily back in 2000. Why come up with some new nitwittery when you can plumb your own archives for an old bit?
Oh, did I mention that all seven of these islands are actually Russian? Even Wikipedia knows this. Of all these islands, the only one that there was any dispute over was Sea Otter Rock, and that was by private citizens--the State Department has always maintained that it was never part of the purchase.
But...but...they have American names! Well, yeah. So does Germany, which is actually Deutschland.
Here's a map (via Wikipedia) that various blogs about the "story" have helpfully included:
Notice anything funny about these islands? Only a couple of them are anywhere close to what you might consider U.S. waters, especially if you're a broad constructionist in your regard of the word "close". The people touting this fable claim that the maritime boundary was set only in 1994 and not even signed by Russia--and it's true that Russia hasn't signed it, since they claim we're laying claims on their fishing grounds, but the islands in question aren't affected. WND wrongly claims that (three of) the islands were sold to us with the Alaska purchase in 1867; the bloggers mention that a couple of others were claimed in 1881 by the United States--some are honest enough to point out that the claim was made by a revenue cutter. I won't go into all the sordid details about the problems with the 1881 claims, except that it sums up in a way Eddie Izzard would appreciate: They didn't have a flag.
(Boiled down, revenue cutters enforced maritime law--they didn't have the authority to claim territory. The modern equivalent would be the captain of a Coast Guard ship traveling into Russian territory and claiming Wrangel Island for the U.S.)
This is, as implied above, a tenacious bizarrity. I first heard about it in the mid-1990s when the boundary was (re-)affirmed, again in 2000 with the WND story, then it switched parties with Democratic bloggers claiming in 2003 that Bush was the one doing the heinous giveaway. I don't know why it took three years for Obama to get linked with it, but hey, ignorance is even more tenacious than urban legends.
And this is why I can't write Weird Fiction. Because stuff like this is so comprehensively weird it just gives me an inferiority complex.
Think about the FEMA civilian detention camp story, for example. This cropped up during the Reagan administration, and every president since then has been eagerly building secret concentration camps for U.S. citizens until such time as he felt confident enough to declare martial law. I've been hearing about chemtrails since Clinton. In every case, with a new president the story revitalizes itself as if it's brand new, and the people who spout them completely forget that they were spinning the same tale about the previous president. Or else they say the president is merely a pawn of the real players, Teh New World Illumiorder.
I didn't think there would be a bizarre story to top these, but I just ran across one that's come close. World Net Daily, your free source for all things bizarre, is trying to make a stir with a story claiming that Obama is giving away seven Alaskan islands to Russia. Oil-rich islands, no less. The islands in question are Wrangel, Bennett, Jeanette, Henrietta, Copper, Sea Lion Rock, and Sea Otter Rock.
(Adding to the confusion here is that some blogs have misspelled Wrangel as Wrangell, which actually is an Alaskan island off the southeast portion of the state near Canada. But no doubt those freaky Canadians are in on this too.)
Normally WND is written by staff moonlighting from the National Enquirer, so I can only assume that the Enquirer needed their people back for some overtime, because as it happens this story originally appeared in World Net Daily back in 2000. Why come up with some new nitwittery when you can plumb your own archives for an old bit?
Oh, did I mention that all seven of these islands are actually Russian? Even Wikipedia knows this. Of all these islands, the only one that there was any dispute over was Sea Otter Rock, and that was by private citizens--the State Department has always maintained that it was never part of the purchase.
But...but...they have American names! Well, yeah. So does Germany, which is actually Deutschland.
Here's a map (via Wikipedia) that various blogs about the "story" have helpfully included:
Notice anything funny about these islands? Only a couple of them are anywhere close to what you might consider U.S. waters, especially if you're a broad constructionist in your regard of the word "close". The people touting this fable claim that the maritime boundary was set only in 1994 and not even signed by Russia--and it's true that Russia hasn't signed it, since they claim we're laying claims on their fishing grounds, but the islands in question aren't affected. WND wrongly claims that (three of) the islands were sold to us with the Alaska purchase in 1867; the bloggers mention that a couple of others were claimed in 1881 by the United States--some are honest enough to point out that the claim was made by a revenue cutter. I won't go into all the sordid details about the problems with the 1881 claims, except that it sums up in a way Eddie Izzard would appreciate: They didn't have a flag.
(Boiled down, revenue cutters enforced maritime law--they didn't have the authority to claim territory. The modern equivalent would be the captain of a Coast Guard ship traveling into Russian territory and claiming Wrangel Island for the U.S.)
This is, as implied above, a tenacious bizarrity. I first heard about it in the mid-1990s when the boundary was (re-)affirmed, again in 2000 with the WND story, then it switched parties with Democratic bloggers claiming in 2003 that Bush was the one doing the heinous giveaway. I don't know why it took three years for Obama to get linked with it, but hey, ignorance is even more tenacious than urban legends.
And this is why I can't write Weird Fiction. Because stuff like this is so comprehensively weird it just gives me an inferiority complex.