Fic -- Hero of This Story (Don't Need to Be Saved) [2/9]
Katelyn only needed to sharply inhale once to get air back into her lungs and to scramble off of the cool, metal floor and onto her feet. She almost felt relieved about where she found herself. She might be royally screwed, but at least she was home. Or the closest she really had, anyway. The air felt was easy to breathe, and she recognized the people sitting in a semi circle around the floor on which she had fallen.
However, she wasn’t entirely sure that those very people weren’t about to fire her and expunge her memory, only to cast her out into the void of the world. Essentially, she knew the faces of all of the people waiting to through her into the lion’s den.
If that wasn’t home, she didn’t know what was. The least she could do was try to take small pleasure in the familiarity of it all.
The small sigh of happiness that slipped through her lips, that she would only admit existed if she were being forced to be honest, didn’t come from being back in this place that had raised her; the thrill searing through her veins was charged by what she was. When she got herself back to her full height, she felt how much she had grown upon arriving back home. She must have towered at least six inches higher than she did when she was on Earth. Her honey-gold hair hung in large, full curls down her back instead sliding down her head and sticking out in random directions. Best of all, her body filled out with muscle and sinew that would have marked her as something out of the ordinary had she tried to walk with the rest of that foreign world where she had been living for so long. She had always been certain that if they had been willing to send her to Earth this way, she would have been able to move mountains. She would have been unstoppable.
In fact, she thought with some satisfaction, while flexing the muscles in her thighs, they would have known that she was something special the moment they saw her; she looked like one of the characters out of a dumb comic book. She smirked a bit at the thought. It wasn’t like she wasn’t attractive the way they had sent her, but she blended in with the crowd. If she had gone like this, everyone would have known. She could have controlled everything she touched. Or she would have at least been able to control something.
Katelyn didn’t feel much anymore, but she felt like she was sparkling and dazzling and strong.
She continued to smile as she caught the stunned look on Erin’s face. That was until she caught sight of the rest of her and her jaw went slack as her eyebrows shot into her hairline. She hadn’t become something golden and invincible looking, as Katelyn felt she had; in fact, if anything, Erin looked smaller and more vulnerable like this. Her skin had bleached white as snow, and she appeared to have grown smaller and thinner, losing the heft she had carried at her hips and chest. No matter how bony her shoulders looked under her skin, Katelyn wouldn’t have really cared to notice, she was too distracted by Erin’s most obvious change; her hair had transformed itself into a vibrant and screaming rose red, matching the color of her full lips.
Katelyn was glad that she had her strength back because she was sure that her knees would have completely come out from under her if she had been on Earth. Her heart beat so ferociously in her body that she was sure that everyone in the room could hear it banging against her rib cage.
She coughed quietly and clenched the muscles in her stomach against the pressure that was building in between her hipbones.
She looked up at the domed, grey ceiling, trying to remember her surroundings exactly, or at least trying to ignore how Erin’s glow and fire broke up the dull, metal sheen of the room. The night sky flickered down from a skylight in the roof. If it the daylight had flooded in, as it had every other time Katelyn had been called for assignment or questioning or commendation, she might have glowed golden like some talisman or tiny trinket for a necklace. Instead, lamplight hit her from around the room, throwing deep shadows on her face and limbs.
She looked to the table, where seven men and three women sat at with straight backs, looking sternly at her. Katelyn stared at a large middle-aged man with a mop of brown hair on top of his head. His shallow brown eyes stared down at her like he might send a pack of hound dogs after her and not care whether she came back living or dead. Katelyn looked over at Erin with a lump in her throat thinking about how she had been caught in a horrible snare by that demon burning in red.
On second thought, perhaps he had already sent them. Maybe he was deciding if he would rather skin her or stuff her.
“Mister Schneider,” Katelyn said, trying to muster all of her courage.
“Miss Tarver,” he said, with a twinkle in his eye that made Katelyn want to tremble as he said her name, “you have not quite been performing up to your normal standards. In fact, you haven’t been performing up to standards at all. Quite frankly, something has to change with your behavior or something will have to change with your assignment.” The way he said it didn’t make her options seem like something as simple as a change of scene. There was something decidedly deadly in his voice.
Katelyn gulped, trying to wet her throat so she could speak when The Council finally asked for her input in her past and future. She watched the faces of every person sitting behind the desk that faced her like an opponent in one of the infinite sparing matches that she had fought in at boot camp. The only difference was that if she lost this match, she wouldn’t just be out of the bracket-she’d be stranded or dead. She looked at each face staring at her as part of the greater machine of opponents she had faced, desperate to find any weak spot at which she could aim her blows. Instead, she found a perfect unit that was ready to trample her if she made the slightest wrong move.
She’d be lucky to get out of this one with only broken bones and bruises.
He spoke again, “What do you have to say for yourself, Miss Tarver?”
Katelyn thought of anything that she could say on her own behalf that didn’t sound like a pathetic excuse. Instead of trying to explain why her statistics had been so absolutely disappointing, Katelyn decided that the best thing to do would be to apologize, grovel for a new assignment, and promise never to make the same mistakes again.
Before she could spit anything out, however, Erin was already talking, without being addressed or having the permission to approach The Council.
“You need to give her a second chance,” Erin said with big eyes and a firm line of her mouth. “She… she hasn’t been in her right mind, but I know that if you just give her another chance at this… I know she would make you proud.”
The Council chuckled collectively under its breath.
Katelyn groaned inwardly. It was exactly what she needed, some ridiculous girl, who thought she was The Council’s darling or something to stick up for her behalf and get her publicly humiliated or disemboweled or… Katelyn didn’t want to think of any more possibilities. They could only be horrific and make even more sweat roll off of her forehead. She was starting to gleam under the lamps as it was.
Dan Schneider opened his mouth yet again, not allowing anyone else sitting behind that table to get a word-or difference of opinion-in edgewise. “Why on Earth,” he said with a smirk at the irony, “would we want to do that?”
“Because,” Erin said, clearing her throat and tugging hard on her fingers behind her back, “she’s the best agent you have. Look at your statistics. She’s the best agent that you’ve ever had.”
Katelyn didn’t have time to wonder if she actually had the best record in the history of The Agency or if Erin was just bluffing and hoping to the skies that The Council wouldn’t bother to check that she was telling the truth. Another man behind the table started to speak before Dan could interrupt him. He had a button nose, a kinder face, and at least his eyes didn’t make Katelyn think about being a pig on that table with an apple in her mouth. She could hardly place him because she was so worried, but she knew that she recognized him as the man who had just been promoted to Second Senior Council member.
“Miss Sanders,” he said with a soft smile, “we will take that into consideration. Your opinion is always appreciated. And,” he paused, nodding at her, “it’s nice to meet you.”
“Thank you, Mr. Fellows,” Erin said, trying to make eye contact with him but sort of veering out to the side to catch Katelyn’s expression. They might not be friends, but both of them new better than to trust anyone who was on The Council; the only person whose judgment she could even begin to understand was Katelyn’s. Her pale skin had taken on a green tinge. Katelyn was sure that Erin was going to get sick on the floor the moment that Mr. Schneider opened his mouth.
“Yes, Erin. It’s always lovely to have your opinion; you are my shining star down there,” he said thickly while Erin squirmed uncomfortably under his gaze. He took a deep breath and checked his watch. “Well, I think it’s time we break for the evening. You’re free to go. Come back tomorrow morning.”
Katelyn let out a shaking breath and walked out of the room as quickly as her knocking knees would take her.
--
She collapsed onto her tiny bed and stared up at the ceiling of her little dorm. She couldn’t remember the last time she had been in it-the last time she had been home, back on this planet. It wasn’t much, just bare plaster walls and a thin mattress, but at least it was home. It held her the solitary picture of her family-her father and mother and siblings-that she had managed to smuggle when she had come to training as a child. She couldn’t remember the last time that she had seen them, but she couldn’t remember the way her sister looked when she was angry at her, or the way her mother’s hair smelled she hugged her. The only person she could remember seeing was her older brother, slowing trudging along in low-level politics, occasionally in The State building while she was home for reassignment.
He was the only one she was allowed to see.
Her eyes welled up with tears as she thought of leaving home the same day that her baby brother took his first steps. She couldn’t remember so many things about them, but most importantly, she couldn’t remember why she had chosen to give them all up.
She curled up in a tight ball and counted the things she had to hold onto as she fell asleep, a simple exercise that she had done since she had first moved into this damp cubicle. Right before she was pulled under by the tug of exhaustion, she realized that her fingers weren’t moving.
There was hardly anything at all.
--
She was standing in front of The Council again, with freshly brushed hair and clothes that had been sitting in her closet so long that she had needed to shake the dust off, holding her breath as they filed into the room. Katelyn looked for any sign of her fate etched onto their faces. She caught herself almost staring at Erin’s stunning locks, but she stopped herself because as much as it hurt her to find herself desiring something physical from Sanders, it bothered her even more that she was wishing that they knew each other better. Katelyn was almost desperate enough for some security to look for it in Sanders.
Katelyn gulped hard at her thoughts as the Council Members sat.
“Miss Tarver,” Schneider started with a sick chuckle, “this isn’t a formal trial. You don’t need to look hardly so somber.”
Katelyn would have loved to climb on the table and start to sing and dance, if she had thought that it would please them. Katelyn would have stripped naked and hung from the edges of the ceiling if she thought that it would ease the torture that loomed in her fate.
She thought, while forcing a smile for Mr. Schneider, that getting naked might actually help her chances.
“Well, Miss Tarver. The time has come for us to decide what to do with you. If you’d like to know my opinion, I think that you have no business being part of The Agency anymore.”
Katelyn wanted to cry. She wanted to tear her hair out. She wanted to yank out Schneider’s straight, smiling teeth. She held her breath, trying to keep all of her emotions out of her head, praying that maybe she would lose consciousness.
“However,” Scott Fellows broke in, sending a disapproving glare in Schneider’s direction, “the rest of The Council has decided that you deserve a chance. Even if Miss Sander’s estimation of you having the best record at the academy is a slight manipulation of facts.” He shot Erin a look, and if Katelyn had been in her right mind, she would have said that she was positive that he smirked a bit at her and winked almost imperceptibly. “You are still one of the finest agents that we have ever seen. We agree almost unanimously” he said, glaring at Schneider next to him, “that you don’t deserve to be kicked out do to the last sixth months. You will, however, be on probation.”
“We’ll have our eye on you, Miss Tarver,” Schneider said with a singsong voice.
Katelyn’s head swam. She couldn’t believe this. It wasn’t just that she was not going to be killed or abandoned in deep space or have selective bits of her memories removed and shoved into a mental hospital, as was the rumor; Katelyn was getting a new position. She was getting a second chance.
She wasn’t sure why she needed one. She just knew that she did. Every bit of her was screaming for it. There was no life without the organization because it had taken every other option away from her. There was only this; the only goal was the mission.
Mr. Fellows spoke up again, “Miss Tarver, the problem we are facing is that you appear to be a sort of risk to your partner, whoever that may be. Though Miss Sanders has lead us to believe that you will be fine, that doesn’t mean that everyone is lining up at the door to spend an unforeseen amount of time with you.”
He didn’t say it unkindly, but his words hit Katelyn like rocks in the stomach. She was sure that she hadn’t always been like this-a complete nuisance and irritation to every colleague she could possible have. In fact, she was sure that before everything had gone horribly wrong, she was liked.
She thought about when everything had changed; what event had made her something so ugly? Then there was a dawning realization that it wasn’t exactly a “what” so much as a “who.”
Then there was a dawning realization that it wasn’t exactly a “what” but more so a “who.” She hated herself for being changed by her. She shut her eyes and tried to ignore how horrible it made her feel.
Mr. Schneider looked positively wicked when he spoke next, looking at Erin, “In fact, the only person we could possibly think to team you with is Miss Sanders. You’ll be shipped off tomorrow morning. Questions?”
But before either one of them could open her mouth, Schneider had walked out, taking the rest of The Council with him.
Erin looked positively ill.
--
Katelyn stepped onto the loading dock with Erin without so much as a word. As far as she was concerned, there was nothing about this that sounded like The Council doing her a favor. If anything, Katelyn was sure that she was being punished.
As she started to get sucked away to a planet that she couldn’t bare to think of, she caught sight of Erin’s knitted brow. She looked like she might like to tear someone’s head off.
--
When they landed in a tiny apartment, Katelyn didn’t bother to wonder why Erin looked so angry. She was too busy fuming over being here with her in the peeling paint and creaky floors.
Katelyn didn’t care what was wrong with anyone but herself. She walked into the first bedroom she found and bolted the door, watching the sunset and waiting for news from The Council from where she sat on the dirty rug.