The slightly ambiguous one
Dear you know who you are,
I owe you a whole truckload of thanks, even if you think what you did was infinitely simple. It was, but it's always the little things that count. It's hard for me to say this in real life though you all see me as sporting and spontaneous, so here goes.
There I was, unsure of who to confide in about the little things that were bugging me (again, why can I never seem to link this with PMS? @_@), and you were there to listen. And you told me to let things out into the open a little more, and threw at me, almost verbatim, one of my old standards: Don't go alone. It went straight through me, and I had to smile one of those rueful smiles I smile, which you might have seen if you looked at the right times. If anyone had noticed the girl being eaten away by envy and solitude.
I remembered Shinku no En, the first of the OTPs. I remembered the old Mweeble who first started this journal, who fervently believed nobody would ever be alone in the world--the one who turned into the person writing now, who had felt sidelined for so long she'd just plain forgotten. I remembered Hoshi and QTeen and some of my really old OCs, the ones who reallly kicked ass and were even more of hopeless smushy romantics than their creator...I remembered a lot of things, anyway, including that I had every right to be where I was, and that I did have friends yet to be made. I don't know how to try any harder, but I'll have to somehow. I'm genuinely sick of sitting solo in the front row. I don't want to go alone.
Gods bless you, dear. When I'm at my lowest, somehow you always know what to say.
- M.Y.
I went skating yesterday to release a bit of tension. PMS, again. I swear, my hormones are like rabid Rottweillers nowadays, and the one thing I'm grateful for is that wonderful leash called the superego. Which reminds me, ask about that anecdote Va Nee used to describe the three parts of the personality. XD To digress - at my very smoothest I can now skate 30 steps without stopping, and at my worst...well, I skated past a group of girls, pratfalled violently and fell flat on my front, sliding about a metre or so across the ice like a giant blue hockey puck with hair. You just had to be there. My poor raglan blouse = PWNED. My left arm hurts like hell, BOTH ankles feel shot to death and my legs ache from thigh to shin, but I did feel a little more 'together' afterwards. And I only fell twice! :D Including the human snowboard schtick, of course.
The last time I went skating was definitely better than the first, in which I went backwards (my toes still point inwards, which explains my shot ankles) with no idea of how to keep upright. Or still. I swore off it for years until _deru-senpai went with me last year and gave me a quick tutorial. I went again this year, on the same day - my birthday. And clung doggedly to the wall ^^; This would probably have continued had I not stopped to see someone with her laces untied. I splayed my legs out, lowered myself to about her foot level and did the quickest lace-tying evar. Later the girl with her, a stranger in a pink outfit, saw me still wobbling along by the wall, and reached out a hand. I had a brief, wondering moment when I realised that she looked a little like the vice president of my branch of MRCS...
She proceeded to drag me RIGHT AWAY FROM THE WALL aaghnotsafenotstablegonnafalldamnyoupinktutugirl and made me skate all the way to the darn exit. It was a matter of survival. I did it. Until they resurfaced the rink, that is; filled with confidence, I stepped onto the now 3000% smoother rink and almost tipped forwards. Spent the rest of the time there shuffling slowly around trying not to let my feet wander away--but still, I'm convinced that Pyramid Ice is the place to go when you need your confidence in the kindness of strangers restored. It works for me. I don't think I'll be seeing pink tutu girl again as she was an expat on holiday, but she did do me a service, and I never did thank her.
Seems like every time I go skating I push my body a lot harder than it wants, but the pain reminds me I'm still alive, yessir. Aaaaadededede...
I owe you a whole truckload of thanks, even if you think what you did was infinitely simple. It was, but it's always the little things that count. It's hard for me to say this in real life though you all see me as sporting and spontaneous, so here goes.
There I was, unsure of who to confide in about the little things that were bugging me (again, why can I never seem to link this with PMS? @_@), and you were there to listen. And you told me to let things out into the open a little more, and threw at me, almost verbatim, one of my old standards: Don't go alone. It went straight through me, and I had to smile one of those rueful smiles I smile, which you might have seen if you looked at the right times. If anyone had noticed the girl being eaten away by envy and solitude.
I remembered Shinku no En, the first of the OTPs. I remembered the old Mweeble who first started this journal, who fervently believed nobody would ever be alone in the world--the one who turned into the person writing now, who had felt sidelined for so long she'd just plain forgotten. I remembered Hoshi and QTeen and some of my really old OCs, the ones who reallly kicked ass and were even more of hopeless smushy romantics than their creator...I remembered a lot of things, anyway, including that I had every right to be where I was, and that I did have friends yet to be made. I don't know how to try any harder, but I'll have to somehow. I'm genuinely sick of sitting solo in the front row. I don't want to go alone.
Gods bless you, dear. When I'm at my lowest, somehow you always know what to say.
- M.Y.
I went skating yesterday to release a bit of tension. PMS, again. I swear, my hormones are like rabid Rottweillers nowadays, and the one thing I'm grateful for is that wonderful leash called the superego. Which reminds me, ask about that anecdote Va Nee used to describe the three parts of the personality. XD To digress - at my very smoothest I can now skate 30 steps without stopping, and at my worst...well, I skated past a group of girls, pratfalled violently and fell flat on my front, sliding about a metre or so across the ice like a giant blue hockey puck with hair. You just had to be there. My poor raglan blouse = PWNED. My left arm hurts like hell, BOTH ankles feel shot to death and my legs ache from thigh to shin, but I did feel a little more 'together' afterwards. And I only fell twice! :D Including the human snowboard schtick, of course.
The last time I went skating was definitely better than the first, in which I went backwards (my toes still point inwards, which explains my shot ankles) with no idea of how to keep upright. Or still. I swore off it for years until _deru-senpai went with me last year and gave me a quick tutorial. I went again this year, on the same day - my birthday. And clung doggedly to the wall ^^; This would probably have continued had I not stopped to see someone with her laces untied. I splayed my legs out, lowered myself to about her foot level and did the quickest lace-tying evar. Later the girl with her, a stranger in a pink outfit, saw me still wobbling along by the wall, and reached out a hand. I had a brief, wondering moment when I realised that she looked a little like the vice president of my branch of MRCS...
She proceeded to drag me RIGHT AWAY FROM THE WALL aaghnotsafenotstablegonnafalldamnyoupinktutugirl and made me skate all the way to the darn exit. It was a matter of survival. I did it. Until they resurfaced the rink, that is; filled with confidence, I stepped onto the now 3000% smoother rink and almost tipped forwards. Spent the rest of the time there shuffling slowly around trying not to let my feet wander away--but still, I'm convinced that Pyramid Ice is the place to go when you need your confidence in the kindness of strangers restored. It works for me. I don't think I'll be seeing pink tutu girl again as she was an expat on holiday, but she did do me a service, and I never did thank her.
Seems like every time I go skating I push my body a lot harder than it wants, but the pain reminds me I'm still alive, yessir. Aaaaadededede...