you've wandered so far from the person you are
apparently, I am rejoining the self-indulgent rambling fad
Drowning in the fact that my life will never be as good as Doctor Who, I found myself unable to sleep.
So I opened up the computer to find that Chels was also awake, and we spent the next couple hours complaining about all the things that are worthy of outrage that come with being American right now-- the political climate, the perceived war against the rich and how bullshit it is, Fox News, nobody understanding what feminism is, nobody having the means to address their concerns, etc etc etc.
It occured to me that I used to be so upset about all of this. I'd think about life and be depressed and angry for days. Everything was a Catch-22. Everything was stupid. No battle was winnable, so nothing was worth fighting for. Nothing was worth fighting for, so nothing was worth anything. It was oblivion. You can probably read about it in my livejournal.
Everything is more or less still true, but I'm not wallowing in sorrow and Linkin Park anymore, not for the most part. So...what changed?
Did I lose the fire in me? Since my life became comfortable, have I just been complacent? If I were still trapped without a means of escape, would everything still look as terrible as I thought it was back then?
With a negative spin, it's "losing the will to fight". With a positive spin, it's "learning acceptance". Back then I would have been outraged how different these should have been. I was 100% against the belief that perspective made any difference. I believed in universal truth.
Now I don't know anything anymore.
I'm okay with that, too.
Growing up? Or freezing over? Are these, too, really just the same thing?
In short, I am all out of fucks to give, and I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not.
Drowning in the fact that my life will never be as good as Doctor Who, I found myself unable to sleep.
So I opened up the computer to find that Chels was also awake, and we spent the next couple hours complaining about all the things that are worthy of outrage that come with being American right now-- the political climate, the perceived war against the rich and how bullshit it is, Fox News, nobody understanding what feminism is, nobody having the means to address their concerns, etc etc etc.
It occured to me that I used to be so upset about all of this. I'd think about life and be depressed and angry for days. Everything was a Catch-22. Everything was stupid. No battle was winnable, so nothing was worth fighting for. Nothing was worth fighting for, so nothing was worth anything. It was oblivion. You can probably read about it in my livejournal.
Everything is more or less still true, but I'm not wallowing in sorrow and Linkin Park anymore, not for the most part. So...what changed?
Did I lose the fire in me? Since my life became comfortable, have I just been complacent? If I were still trapped without a means of escape, would everything still look as terrible as I thought it was back then?
With a negative spin, it's "losing the will to fight". With a positive spin, it's "learning acceptance". Back then I would have been outraged how different these should have been. I was 100% against the belief that perspective made any difference. I believed in universal truth.
Now I don't know anything anymore.
I'm okay with that, too.
Growing up? Or freezing over? Are these, too, really just the same thing?
In short, I am all out of fucks to give, and I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not.