(no subject)
I must stop letting the problems of the world weigh on my consciousness.
As I lay in bed trying to sleep tonight, I realized that my heart was racing as fast as my thoughts. I am under a great deal of stress, and there really is no reason for it. I don't do anything stressful. I don't do anything at all. Sure, I play with computers, write a little, read a little. But basically, my life is about nothing. I'm not doing anything with it and I have no concrete plans for the future. I no longer have any attention span whatsoever. I can't even carry on a conversation without being distracted by some random thought. I'll get halfway done with a project and get bored and start hating it. I have a half-written letter to the editor, a half-written short story, a half dozen half-read books, and three computers in pieces on my floor. I have a guitar I dreamed about for six years, spent nearly $400 on, and never play. I have three years worth of college course books and applications I've never sent in. At least when I was in the Marine Corps I was doing something with my life, even if I hated it. Now all I do is sit in front of my computer and check my email constantly. I lie awake at night thinking about everything that's wrong with the world. I let myself get worked up over stuff that has nothing to do with me, stuff that doesn't affect me, stuff I couldn't do anything about even if it did. I wouldn't see sunlight at all if I didn't have a day job.
I desperately need to center myself and focus on something. This is killing me. Dead, dead, dead.
As I lay in bed trying to sleep tonight, I realized that my heart was racing as fast as my thoughts. I am under a great deal of stress, and there really is no reason for it. I don't do anything stressful. I don't do anything at all. Sure, I play with computers, write a little, read a little. But basically, my life is about nothing. I'm not doing anything with it and I have no concrete plans for the future. I no longer have any attention span whatsoever. I can't even carry on a conversation without being distracted by some random thought. I'll get halfway done with a project and get bored and start hating it. I have a half-written letter to the editor, a half-written short story, a half dozen half-read books, and three computers in pieces on my floor. I have a guitar I dreamed about for six years, spent nearly $400 on, and never play. I have three years worth of college course books and applications I've never sent in. At least when I was in the Marine Corps I was doing something with my life, even if I hated it. Now all I do is sit in front of my computer and check my email constantly. I lie awake at night thinking about everything that's wrong with the world. I let myself get worked up over stuff that has nothing to do with me, stuff that doesn't affect me, stuff I couldn't do anything about even if it did. I wouldn't see sunlight at all if I didn't have a day job.
I desperately need to center myself and focus on something. This is killing me. Dead, dead, dead.