Another Day in the Life...
Christ on a crutch.
I had plans to hang out tiwht Skwid today. He was gonna see the baby.
Original Plan: Drop baby off at mother-in-law's, hang out all morning, pick up baby around dinner, get food and hang out.
Apparently, he was under the impression that he would be fucking my brains out.
My period started yesterday.
New plan: Keep baby with us (his idea), get lunch, then he has things to do so that's it.
I go to his house today. Or try to. MapQuest sucks so I get lost...and call him...THREE TIMES...to get directions. He answers the third time to say sorry he didn't answer the phone, but he was fucking some one and was no longer at his house, he's got things to do, Bye Babygirl I'll call you and hangs up.
So I follow fucking Princess Anne to Norfolk and get really lost. I pull into a parking lot and cry for a bit and then call JD.
Why doesn't anyone love me? AM I such a bad/boring/annoying/bitchy/etc person that the only reason anyone would possibly want to hang out with me was to fuck me?
Maybe Kevin's right.
I hate my life.
And Will's mad. I think. I'm not sure. I don't know if I really care just now. There's this big hole in my chest right now, so it's kind of hard to care about anyone else's problems right now.
Goddammit Skwid, I love you. I fucking love you. And I know you don't want to love me, I'm okay with that.
But goddamn, at least treat me like a friend.
You can say all you want that you don't try to just use me for sex, but actions speak louder than words.
He'll actually have to apologize this time before I forgive him.
Because he never apologizes when he makes me cry. Which I'm starting to think means he's not sorry.
Sometimes I want Dr. Kern to give me the pills. So I can go numb. But I wanted treatment without drugs so I won't get them.
Unless I ask. Maybe I should ask. Being numb might be nice.
How can Skwid be so nice one minute...Babygirl, I missed you so much, I wanna see the baby so bad, I bet she's beautiful like her mother, love you, Babygirl...and so cruel the next?
Why is everyone like that? Not to blast my friends, but if we're not hangning out, everyone ignores me.
Not as extreme as Skwid, but still.
I cried and cried and cried on the way to JD. I wanted Skwid to pass me on the road and see me cry, just a little, so he'd feel a little sorry.
I want him to want to see me.
But he doesn't. And he won't.
I'm too accessible. I'm too easy to please. Too easy to take advantage of.
I guess.
But goddamn. Somebody love me. Please?
I had plans to hang out tiwht Skwid today. He was gonna see the baby.
Original Plan: Drop baby off at mother-in-law's, hang out all morning, pick up baby around dinner, get food and hang out.
Apparently, he was under the impression that he would be fucking my brains out.
My period started yesterday.
New plan: Keep baby with us (his idea), get lunch, then he has things to do so that's it.
I go to his house today. Or try to. MapQuest sucks so I get lost...and call him...THREE TIMES...to get directions. He answers the third time to say sorry he didn't answer the phone, but he was fucking some one and was no longer at his house, he's got things to do, Bye Babygirl I'll call you and hangs up.
So I follow fucking Princess Anne to Norfolk and get really lost. I pull into a parking lot and cry for a bit and then call JD.
Why doesn't anyone love me? AM I such a bad/boring/annoying/bitchy/etc person that the only reason anyone would possibly want to hang out with me was to fuck me?
Maybe Kevin's right.
I hate my life.
And Will's mad. I think. I'm not sure. I don't know if I really care just now. There's this big hole in my chest right now, so it's kind of hard to care about anyone else's problems right now.
Goddammit Skwid, I love you. I fucking love you. And I know you don't want to love me, I'm okay with that.
But goddamn, at least treat me like a friend.
You can say all you want that you don't try to just use me for sex, but actions speak louder than words.
He'll actually have to apologize this time before I forgive him.
Because he never apologizes when he makes me cry. Which I'm starting to think means he's not sorry.
Sometimes I want Dr. Kern to give me the pills. So I can go numb. But I wanted treatment without drugs so I won't get them.
Unless I ask. Maybe I should ask. Being numb might be nice.
How can Skwid be so nice one minute...Babygirl, I missed you so much, I wanna see the baby so bad, I bet she's beautiful like her mother, love you, Babygirl...and so cruel the next?
Why is everyone like that? Not to blast my friends, but if we're not hangning out, everyone ignores me.
Not as extreme as Skwid, but still.
I cried and cried and cried on the way to JD. I wanted Skwid to pass me on the road and see me cry, just a little, so he'd feel a little sorry.
I want him to want to see me.
But he doesn't. And he won't.
I'm too accessible. I'm too easy to please. Too easy to take advantage of.
I guess.
But goddamn. Somebody love me. Please?