(no subject)
So I sent a final message. Of course it won’t be a final message due to work, but I am just sick of chasing him. I’m sick of caring while he ignores me. I give up. So I did it. I told him an myself that this is it. Here’s what I sent:
When I saw you on the 9th, you promised me you would not ignore my messages anymore. You haven’t kept your word.
I know you are going through some shit that you are refusing to discuss, but I don’t think that is an excuse to ignore the one and only thing I asked of you. You are not being a friend, so I can only assume you don’t want to be a friend.
In any case, I don’t have energy in my life for this type of connection, whatever the fuck this is.
I wish you well and good luck.
Part of me thinks he has already let me go. That he did this some time ago and didn’t have the guts to tell me. I still wonder why he met up with me on the 9th. He was so different then, really cold. Although he said he wanted to be friends, I didn’t feel that from his energy.
I feel like this has been a waste of time. That even now I am wasting my time trying to figure it out. But it felt good to send that message. It felt freeing to say goodbye.
Now to get back to the business of aloneness. Love it or hate it, It’s hermit mode time.