my dancing feet, down for the count.
i freaked out a little bit last night. crying with worry over not being able to be there for people that mean the world to me. even though i know they don't need me to fix everything for them and even though i know i can't sometimes the impotence of being so far away from them is too much. i know i'm where i'm supposed to be but it's fucking hard. i miss my best friends. i miss pepper and maryam. i'm so glad that they hang out without me. maybe i'm being oversentimental but when they're together i feel like i'm there, too.
i think i really have to go to the doctor. the toe that i might have broken at our halloween party is not healing properly. i didn't go to the doctor to begin with because i was under the impression that there's nothing they can really do for a broken toe. now i'm thinking i was just being foolish. it started to heal very nicely when i was off for three days and relegated myself to the couch but it's still swollen. it doesn't really hurt but it's still swollen. i guess i will have to find some kind of clinic on thursday. *sigh* this is part of a larger problem. i have to start taking better care of myself.
in the good news department: michael feezor will be here today! i'm really fucking excited. i haven't seen him in i think four years. he called me yesterday and asked if he could stay at my house on his way to and home from connecticut. i was like, "FUCKING DUH." so he's coming. hooray! there's a show tonight that i wanna take him to. i'm not drinking. it's time for a break.
i need to hibernate for the winter, maybe take advantage of lian's new CABLE TV, sort myself out and concentrate on making art and having fun with jealousy. it might seem really dumb and small to people but playing music with those kids is really liberating and fun and crazy and wonderful. i've wanted to play music for so long and it never really happened in LA despite being surrounded by awesome and talented people. i really want us to rule. playing with them reminds me of why i moved here. whenever i feel like life is really stupid and i mess everything up playing with jealousy is like a little kick in my butt that tells me "be happy or die trying."
p.s. - the original unreleased version of "substitute for love" by madonna sounds kind of like peter gabriel. or kate bush. or peter gabriel featuring kate bush. with a joy division bridge.
i think i really have to go to the doctor. the toe that i might have broken at our halloween party is not healing properly. i didn't go to the doctor to begin with because i was under the impression that there's nothing they can really do for a broken toe. now i'm thinking i was just being foolish. it started to heal very nicely when i was off for three days and relegated myself to the couch but it's still swollen. it doesn't really hurt but it's still swollen. i guess i will have to find some kind of clinic on thursday. *sigh* this is part of a larger problem. i have to start taking better care of myself.
in the good news department: michael feezor will be here today! i'm really fucking excited. i haven't seen him in i think four years. he called me yesterday and asked if he could stay at my house on his way to and home from connecticut. i was like, "FUCKING DUH." so he's coming. hooray! there's a show tonight that i wanna take him to. i'm not drinking. it's time for a break.
i need to hibernate for the winter, maybe take advantage of lian's new CABLE TV, sort myself out and concentrate on making art and having fun with jealousy. it might seem really dumb and small to people but playing music with those kids is really liberating and fun and crazy and wonderful. i've wanted to play music for so long and it never really happened in LA despite being surrounded by awesome and talented people. i really want us to rule. playing with them reminds me of why i moved here. whenever i feel like life is really stupid and i mess everything up playing with jealousy is like a little kick in my butt that tells me "be happy or die trying."
p.s. - the original unreleased version of "substitute for love" by madonna sounds kind of like peter gabriel. or kate bush. or peter gabriel featuring kate bush. with a joy division bridge.