when we were kings...
You only know
what I want you to
I know everything
you don't want me to
Oh your mouth is poison,
your mouth is wine
Oh you think your dreams
are the same as mine
someone once said that we were celestial beings in a high place. amongst the clouds. amongst the mountains. we were spirits that wandered, carefree and powerful. we were unafraid. unfettered. unbonded. satisfied as easily by the simplest flower as the great sunrises of our creation. we were loved. worshipped. adored in high domed temples with brightly lit oil lamps. we were might. we were power. we were gods. and then something happened.
we fell in love.
we fell in love with someone we were never meant to fall in love with. a love that was considered wrong. but in that moment it felt much better than being a god. much better than having a never ending existence. we compared it to the chance at longevity and it paled. who could compare the sun and the moon. and we chose the sun. to feel its heat. its blaze. sure our skins would crisp. but we would be full and overflowing with life. our presence before that- it just made no sense any longer. and though we were gods we were not spared. and for the crime of loving, we fell to the earth. shattering into a billion pieces. our minds torn apart by memory. destroyed beyond recognition and we forgot. and became human. steeping in the bondage of humanity. we were made to suffer. to really feel the results of our sin. our transgression.
but still, we lived.
Oh I don't love you but I always will
Oh I don't love you but I always will
Oh I don't love you but I always will
I always will
when we were born, they would pat our backs till we cried. so our first memories of this earth would be pain. and a terrifying terror of being alone. separated from the enveloping wombs of our mothers. and we would feel the heaviness of gravity. the cold of air. the fear of large faces glaring at us. blinding lights that would cause us to squint our eyes in pain. the exhaustion of uncertainty and doubt.
for without our godly powers, we were nothing. lost ants in a mountain. no longer was our gift of prophesy. our superhuman strength. our wishes in fruition at the blink of an eye. there would no longer be dedicated temples. or even altars. no songs of praise. no hymns of pleasure.
but we would be comforted. embraced by the love of a mother. and we would remember that. and it would be our world. this world would be of confusion. chaos. tragedy. heartache. but we would always remember that feeling. of being loved. of being cherished. of being treasured because of who we were. and that memory would continue to haunt us till the day we die. desperate to relive it.
I wish you'd hold me when I turn my back
The less I give the more I get back
Oh your hands can heal, your hands can bruise
I don't have a choice but I still choose you
and by some joke of our ex-colleagues in the lofty realms we would fall in love again. and again. and yet again.
it's a desperate plea - love is. it's saying "i matter. i matter. i matter." again and again to the other half. but it would be the only thing keeping us alive. to have hands to hold. to have arms to embrace. to have lips to kiss. to have bodies to lean on. to have hair to run our fingers through. it would be the quiet moments when nothing was left to be said. and yet, the company would be enough. no longer need for words. they would say too little. far too little.
and we would not have remembered our lesson.
we should be so angry. so frustrated. so hurt. because they would refuse to let us remember. oh, if only we did. we might not have falling in love. we might have chosen to escape. run from that inescapable feeling of warmth. of affection. of the whole world consuming us in its firm arms. and the chains that we unwittingly twine around our bodies. tying us eternally to that spiral of madness. we would just run. and run. and run. and run.
no, we would crawl. claw our way from that deep black hole that seemed to suck everything into its vortex. unforgiving. unprejudiced. unfair. so. very. unfair.
Oh I don't love you but I always will
Oh I don't love you but I always will
Oh I don't love you but I always will
I always will
somedays it feels like the world would crush us. we would know love. lose love. like the bitterest juice from the bitterest fruit. we would keep drinking it. knowing that it was poison. knowing that it was wine. that we should not touch it. that we never could stop. that flailing in indecision. that we would not love. that we would never stop.
and to lose that love.
to know that i would give up anything for it. anything.
I wish you'd hold me when I turn my back
The less I give the more I get back
Oh your hands can heal, your hands can bruise
I don't have a choice but I still choose you
someday, we will return to the heavens. because that's where we came from. where we belong. and that's where i'll stand. at the edge. at the gates. wondering if i could ever step into that loveless place. knowing fully well that if i did, i would never be able to feel that addictive drug.
it will be a difficult moment. knowing that i could return to the world again. and be free to feel that horrible emotion. like a hallucinogen that would destroy my being. my hands will tremble. my knees will weaken. my resolve... it will be non-existent. the breathing, it will be heavy. not as heavy as my heart. nothing could be heavier than that. nothing.
Oh I don't love you but I always will
Oh I don't love you but I always will
Oh I don't love you but I always will
I always will
- Poison and Wine, The Civil Wars
still, i'm here. now. in this moment, this place, this horribly colourful place. my eyes trace the clouds that form the shapes of ferris wheels and wine glasses. they seem so far away. so very far away.
and then i step back. away from that heavenly abode. knowing that i'll always be willing to love another day. to hurt another day. to love another day...
DuaGu
"I always will..."
what I want you to
I know everything
you don't want me to
Oh your mouth is poison,
your mouth is wine
Oh you think your dreams
are the same as mine
someone once said that we were celestial beings in a high place. amongst the clouds. amongst the mountains. we were spirits that wandered, carefree and powerful. we were unafraid. unfettered. unbonded. satisfied as easily by the simplest flower as the great sunrises of our creation. we were loved. worshipped. adored in high domed temples with brightly lit oil lamps. we were might. we were power. we were gods. and then something happened.
we fell in love.
we fell in love with someone we were never meant to fall in love with. a love that was considered wrong. but in that moment it felt much better than being a god. much better than having a never ending existence. we compared it to the chance at longevity and it paled. who could compare the sun and the moon. and we chose the sun. to feel its heat. its blaze. sure our skins would crisp. but we would be full and overflowing with life. our presence before that- it just made no sense any longer. and though we were gods we were not spared. and for the crime of loving, we fell to the earth. shattering into a billion pieces. our minds torn apart by memory. destroyed beyond recognition and we forgot. and became human. steeping in the bondage of humanity. we were made to suffer. to really feel the results of our sin. our transgression.
but still, we lived.
Oh I don't love you but I always will
Oh I don't love you but I always will
Oh I don't love you but I always will
I always will
when we were born, they would pat our backs till we cried. so our first memories of this earth would be pain. and a terrifying terror of being alone. separated from the enveloping wombs of our mothers. and we would feel the heaviness of gravity. the cold of air. the fear of large faces glaring at us. blinding lights that would cause us to squint our eyes in pain. the exhaustion of uncertainty and doubt.
for without our godly powers, we were nothing. lost ants in a mountain. no longer was our gift of prophesy. our superhuman strength. our wishes in fruition at the blink of an eye. there would no longer be dedicated temples. or even altars. no songs of praise. no hymns of pleasure.
but we would be comforted. embraced by the love of a mother. and we would remember that. and it would be our world. this world would be of confusion. chaos. tragedy. heartache. but we would always remember that feeling. of being loved. of being cherished. of being treasured because of who we were. and that memory would continue to haunt us till the day we die. desperate to relive it.
I wish you'd hold me when I turn my back
The less I give the more I get back
Oh your hands can heal, your hands can bruise
I don't have a choice but I still choose you
and by some joke of our ex-colleagues in the lofty realms we would fall in love again. and again. and yet again.
it's a desperate plea - love is. it's saying "i matter. i matter. i matter." again and again to the other half. but it would be the only thing keeping us alive. to have hands to hold. to have arms to embrace. to have lips to kiss. to have bodies to lean on. to have hair to run our fingers through. it would be the quiet moments when nothing was left to be said. and yet, the company would be enough. no longer need for words. they would say too little. far too little.
and we would not have remembered our lesson.
we should be so angry. so frustrated. so hurt. because they would refuse to let us remember. oh, if only we did. we might not have falling in love. we might have chosen to escape. run from that inescapable feeling of warmth. of affection. of the whole world consuming us in its firm arms. and the chains that we unwittingly twine around our bodies. tying us eternally to that spiral of madness. we would just run. and run. and run. and run.
no, we would crawl. claw our way from that deep black hole that seemed to suck everything into its vortex. unforgiving. unprejudiced. unfair. so. very. unfair.
Oh I don't love you but I always will
Oh I don't love you but I always will
Oh I don't love you but I always will
I always will
somedays it feels like the world would crush us. we would know love. lose love. like the bitterest juice from the bitterest fruit. we would keep drinking it. knowing that it was poison. knowing that it was wine. that we should not touch it. that we never could stop. that flailing in indecision. that we would not love. that we would never stop.
and to lose that love.
to know that i would give up anything for it. anything.
I wish you'd hold me when I turn my back
The less I give the more I get back
Oh your hands can heal, your hands can bruise
I don't have a choice but I still choose you
someday, we will return to the heavens. because that's where we came from. where we belong. and that's where i'll stand. at the edge. at the gates. wondering if i could ever step into that loveless place. knowing fully well that if i did, i would never be able to feel that addictive drug.
it will be a difficult moment. knowing that i could return to the world again. and be free to feel that horrible emotion. like a hallucinogen that would destroy my being. my hands will tremble. my knees will weaken. my resolve... it will be non-existent. the breathing, it will be heavy. not as heavy as my heart. nothing could be heavier than that. nothing.
Oh I don't love you but I always will
Oh I don't love you but I always will
Oh I don't love you but I always will
I always will
- Poison and Wine, The Civil Wars
still, i'm here. now. in this moment, this place, this horribly colourful place. my eyes trace the clouds that form the shapes of ferris wheels and wine glasses. they seem so far away. so very far away.
and then i step back. away from that heavenly abode. knowing that i'll always be willing to love another day. to hurt another day. to love another day...
DuaGu
"I always will..."