Random Aster-ness
It sounds like family things are stable at least for a bit. Grandad is out of surgery and will be in a rehab center for a few weeks.
Exhaustion continues. I’m sleeping like a mofo, so I have to figure it’s the lingering sickness. So monumentally over being sick and tired.
Camping season cannot come soon enough. I miss trees and oceans and places without constant sirens. Would so very much love to let myself float in moving water.
Mom is still dead. I'm still crying about that pretty regularly. More than expected, since I otherwise seem to be past the acute grief and into what I assume will be a long, slow kind of sadness for a while. But still more tears than I'd have thought.
Rollerskating and girltime tomorrow. Despite the tired I'm looking forward to it. Physical activity and women-friends are so important. Not sure how skating will go with the vertigo that's come with this bout of sick, but I'm willing to give it a shot.
Seems petty with everything else going on but... I don’t feel pretty and I want to. I want to find opportunities to feel beautiful. They've somehow slipped away from my life.
Need to get new pants and a new purse, but I hate and fear shopping. Not because of body image issues, just the process: you have to get to the shopping place and then there’s fluorescent lights and people and choices and I don’t want to. But getting assembled for work in the morning is becoming a hassle.
...
Bigger picture things feel acutely in flux and yet also frustratingly static. Feels like I’m stuck waiting while everything swirls madly around me. Feels like the very micro, the day to day, the pants and bread and phonecalls, is all I have any control over, and honestly not much of that. Mostly, feels tired.
Exhaustion continues. I’m sleeping like a mofo, so I have to figure it’s the lingering sickness. So monumentally over being sick and tired.
Camping season cannot come soon enough. I miss trees and oceans and places without constant sirens. Would so very much love to let myself float in moving water.
Mom is still dead. I'm still crying about that pretty regularly. More than expected, since I otherwise seem to be past the acute grief and into what I assume will be a long, slow kind of sadness for a while. But still more tears than I'd have thought.
Rollerskating and girltime tomorrow. Despite the tired I'm looking forward to it. Physical activity and women-friends are so important. Not sure how skating will go with the vertigo that's come with this bout of sick, but I'm willing to give it a shot.
Seems petty with everything else going on but... I don’t feel pretty and I want to. I want to find opportunities to feel beautiful. They've somehow slipped away from my life.
Need to get new pants and a new purse, but I hate and fear shopping. Not because of body image issues, just the process: you have to get to the shopping place and then there’s fluorescent lights and people and choices and I don’t want to. But getting assembled for work in the morning is becoming a hassle.
...
Bigger picture things feel acutely in flux and yet also frustratingly static. Feels like I’m stuck waiting while everything swirls madly around me. Feels like the very micro, the day to day, the pants and bread and phonecalls, is all I have any control over, and honestly not much of that. Mostly, feels tired.