A not-so-common workday, in emails.
For reference, my town is small enough that the university is responsible for all area-wide communications and emergency responses. Students make up more than half the population of the two adjoining towns, it makes sense. Because of that, pretty much everybody in town subscribes to an email listserve that notifies us of emergencies.
Wake up.
7:12 am - Email from Father - picture of fireworks from pre-game rally last night in Phoenix.
Ride bus past McDonald's, which is cordoned off and full of police cars and our single SWAT van. Wonder at significance, decide town is conducting emergency drills in location most convenient for cop nourishment.
7:45 am - Federally-mandated crime alert from university - Armed robbery at McDonald's across the street from my house at 5:38 am, description of crime. Huh.
Arrive at work.
9:27 am - Federally-mandated crime alert from university - updated description of McDonald's robbery. No injuries reported.
9:34 am - Spam email
9:39 am - Emergency code email from university - An armed subject, who remains at large, has been spotted less than 500 yards from the scene of McDonald's robbery. (Wearing shorts and a hair net, according to the police. In January.)
9:49 am - Spam email
10:08 am - Emergency code email from university - Armed subject apprehended. (Unknown if related to early morning robbery. Seems like too much of a coincidence.
10:14 am - Federally-mandated crime alert from university - Armed suspect apprehended. (Thanks.)
10:54 am - Email from Atlas - Question about Evgeni Malkin - verifying nickname "Geno."
11:04 am - Email from Atlas - Question about cat - can cats be harmed by derogatory language, if uttered in a sweet voice? Doesn't want cat to turn out psycho.
11:18 am - Work email - Software
11:36 am - Work email - Saving planet, one National Marine Sanctuary at a time
12:15 pm - Email from Atlas - Question about armed robbery suspect.
12:34 pm - Work email - textbooks
Lunch
3:23 pm - Work email - grants
3:54 pm - Email from Father - Picture of himself posing in front of the arena in Phoenix, wearing Oregon fleece, making "O" with hands. "On way to past players' banquet."
4:24 pm - Spam email
4:55 pm - Work email - Funding
Leave work
6:18 pm - Email from Father - Photo of crowds lining up outside the stadium gate.
7:23 pm - Email from Atlas - Question about Evgeni Malkin and cat - feasibility of dressing said animal in t-shirt with picture of Pascal Dupuis saying "Fuck you, Geno."
8:33 pm - Emergency code email from university - Stabbing reported at McDonald's across the street from my house, suspect on the loose. (I think I'd quit working at the McDonald's about now.)
8:44 pm - Email from Marti - "Check your locks, we seem to be living in a very high crime area today -- sheesh, students aren't even back yet! Dang these big cities!" (Our city has 48,000 people when the students are here. Probably down to about 22,000 this week. She grew up in a town of 2400, I grew up in a town of 450,000. We have slightly different definitions of what is "big.")
9:44 pm - Emergency code email from university - Stabbing suspect still at large, wearing Pittsburgh Pirates hat, lock doors, remain inside. (Not hard, it's 35 degrees out there.)
This is more activity than my neighborhood has seen in the last four YEARS, and school isn't even in session. Less than half the town's population is here! And who robs a McDonald's like 15 minutes into the morning shift? You get what, eight bucks and some egg McMuffins?
Wake up.
7:12 am - Email from Father - picture of fireworks from pre-game rally last night in Phoenix.
Ride bus past McDonald's, which is cordoned off and full of police cars and our single SWAT van. Wonder at significance, decide town is conducting emergency drills in location most convenient for cop nourishment.
7:45 am - Federally-mandated crime alert from university - Armed robbery at McDonald's across the street from my house at 5:38 am, description of crime. Huh.
Arrive at work.
9:27 am - Federally-mandated crime alert from university - updated description of McDonald's robbery. No injuries reported.
9:34 am - Spam email
9:39 am - Emergency code email from university - An armed subject, who remains at large, has been spotted less than 500 yards from the scene of McDonald's robbery. (Wearing shorts and a hair net, according to the police. In January.)
9:49 am - Spam email
10:08 am - Emergency code email from university - Armed subject apprehended. (Unknown if related to early morning robbery. Seems like too much of a coincidence.
10:14 am - Federally-mandated crime alert from university - Armed suspect apprehended. (Thanks.)
10:54 am - Email from Atlas - Question about Evgeni Malkin - verifying nickname "Geno."
11:04 am - Email from Atlas - Question about cat - can cats be harmed by derogatory language, if uttered in a sweet voice? Doesn't want cat to turn out psycho.
11:18 am - Work email - Software
11:36 am - Work email - Saving planet, one National Marine Sanctuary at a time
12:15 pm - Email from Atlas - Question about armed robbery suspect.
12:34 pm - Work email - textbooks
Lunch
3:23 pm - Work email - grants
3:54 pm - Email from Father - Picture of himself posing in front of the arena in Phoenix, wearing Oregon fleece, making "O" with hands. "On way to past players' banquet."
4:24 pm - Spam email
4:55 pm - Work email - Funding
Leave work
6:18 pm - Email from Father - Photo of crowds lining up outside the stadium gate.
7:23 pm - Email from Atlas - Question about Evgeni Malkin and cat - feasibility of dressing said animal in t-shirt with picture of Pascal Dupuis saying "Fuck you, Geno."
8:33 pm - Emergency code email from university - Stabbing reported at McDonald's across the street from my house, suspect on the loose. (I think I'd quit working at the McDonald's about now.)
8:44 pm - Email from Marti - "Check your locks, we seem to be living in a very high crime area today -- sheesh, students aren't even back yet! Dang these big cities!" (Our city has 48,000 people when the students are here. Probably down to about 22,000 this week. She grew up in a town of 2400, I grew up in a town of 450,000. We have slightly different definitions of what is "big.")
9:44 pm - Emergency code email from university - Stabbing suspect still at large, wearing Pittsburgh Pirates hat, lock doors, remain inside. (Not hard, it's 35 degrees out there.)
This is more activity than my neighborhood has seen in the last four YEARS, and school isn't even in session. Less than half the town's population is here! And who robs a McDonald's like 15 minutes into the morning shift? You get what, eight bucks and some egg McMuffins?