I have been living a lie.
For the past 3 weeks, I have watched games, discussed strategy, filled out brackets, read up on scandals, learned to identify people by their hair, and all-in-all pretended that I care about soccer. No longer.
It's Tour de France season, baby.
Soccer has its charm. It can be played anyplace relatively flat, with a minimum of equipment, by children, adults, rich, poor, summer, winter, indoor, outdoor. It has a great international following. I respect soccer and soccer players. But I don't understand soccer strategy, the way I don't understand football strategy, and not enough happens to hold my attention in non-Cup years.
I don't know how long I've been watching the Tour, but I know I saw Lance race back when he was a big guy who'd never had cancer and wasn't really that good, and I thank Lance for marketing the sport to the masses, even if I'm pretty sure he and probably 65% of the top cyclists in the world are tools in real life. Cycling has so many delicious, fascinating logistics. I love the gruppetto, I love the domestiques, I love the feedbags, I love the team cars. I love that cyclists can receive medical attention, bicycle maintenance, and emotional support from a man leaning out the window of a Subaru. I love the strategy. I love the way Mark Renshaw cuts a hole in a pack for Mark Cavendish. I love when somebody successfully executes a breakaway. I love when the peleton reels a leader back in. I love Lance Armstrong's bitchface. I love how you won't have a clue who the other 8 guys are on a team, and then all of a sudden they're all riding together in a color-coordinated pack around their big money leader. I love how the group hits a hill and people settle in for the long haul and Lance Armstrong just leaves them behind. I love Mark Cavendish's surprise Manx accent. I love when a big name star takes a turn as waterboy. I love that it's rain, sleet, wind, sun, mountain, valley, open field, canal, village square--and that's just one stage. There are 21 stages. I love that I can't always tell the Schlecks apart. I love that a guy who falls down, gets back up, and keeps competing, has actually broken a rib, but is he complaining to a race official? No, he's back on the bike and down the road. There's no diving in cycling. I love Tony Martin's little elf face. I love how a good day on the Tour, 1/21st of the race, with no hope of finishing higher than 150th overall, can be the best day of a racer's career.
So if you need me at 7:00 in the morning on a holiday, like Hambone did on Sunday, I'll be here, and I'll be awake.
Hambone (via text): Barbeque tonight, my house.
Me: Can't, I'm taking Baby M to the fireworks.
Hambone: Why are you awake? I'm going kayaking, eveyone else is asleep.
Me: I'm watching the Tour.
Hambone: What tour?
Me: Have fun kayaking.
It's Tour de France season, baby.
Soccer has its charm. It can be played anyplace relatively flat, with a minimum of equipment, by children, adults, rich, poor, summer, winter, indoor, outdoor. It has a great international following. I respect soccer and soccer players. But I don't understand soccer strategy, the way I don't understand football strategy, and not enough happens to hold my attention in non-Cup years.
I don't know how long I've been watching the Tour, but I know I saw Lance race back when he was a big guy who'd never had cancer and wasn't really that good, and I thank Lance for marketing the sport to the masses, even if I'm pretty sure he and probably 65% of the top cyclists in the world are tools in real life. Cycling has so many delicious, fascinating logistics. I love the gruppetto, I love the domestiques, I love the feedbags, I love the team cars. I love that cyclists can receive medical attention, bicycle maintenance, and emotional support from a man leaning out the window of a Subaru. I love the strategy. I love the way Mark Renshaw cuts a hole in a pack for Mark Cavendish. I love when somebody successfully executes a breakaway. I love when the peleton reels a leader back in. I love Lance Armstrong's bitchface. I love how you won't have a clue who the other 8 guys are on a team, and then all of a sudden they're all riding together in a color-coordinated pack around their big money leader. I love how the group hits a hill and people settle in for the long haul and Lance Armstrong just leaves them behind. I love Mark Cavendish's surprise Manx accent. I love when a big name star takes a turn as waterboy. I love that it's rain, sleet, wind, sun, mountain, valley, open field, canal, village square--and that's just one stage. There are 21 stages. I love that I can't always tell the Schlecks apart. I love that a guy who falls down, gets back up, and keeps competing, has actually broken a rib, but is he complaining to a race official? No, he's back on the bike and down the road. There's no diving in cycling. I love Tony Martin's little elf face. I love how a good day on the Tour, 1/21st of the race, with no hope of finishing higher than 150th overall, can be the best day of a racer's career.
So if you need me at 7:00 in the morning on a holiday, like Hambone did on Sunday, I'll be here, and I'll be awake.
Hambone (via text): Barbeque tonight, my house.
Me: Can't, I'm taking Baby M to the fireworks.
Hambone: Why are you awake? I'm going kayaking, eveyone else is asleep.
Me: I'm watching the Tour.
Hambone: What tour?
Me: Have fun kayaking.