Haircut Entry #1
I ought to be asleep, but I'm not, clearly. I guess my body has grown accustomed to five or so hours of sleep, so that whole "getting to bed early to get more rest" idea is shot to Hell. Alternately, I'm restless because of nerves…
I've decide to write a completely mundane LiveJournal entry. Nothing with pretenses of being something more. First, I want to talk about what I did yesterday, then I want to talk about certain things that have happened recently that would be causing my nerves to act up, at all. I will strategically cut so this seems concise and less like a long jumble of poorly strung-together thoughts.
1. I am the acting team lead on my contract at work until Thursday, so yesterday was my first day, ever, in a manager position. Thankfully, the two people under me on my team at work… are useless gits who wander away for thirty minute smoke breaks and take two hour lunch breaks, follow instruction poorly and are lazy. Hooray! It's like a dream come true.
Things went off without much of a hitch, sans one issue that arose, of course, at the very end of the day, and caused me to leave later than usual or everyone else. Not that things going generally successfully made it any less stressful or nerve-wracking. I'd never thought I'd say that I really miss the Portsmouth Naval Medical Centre and that contract, but, shit, they had their… shit… together, man.
2. I went from work to meet my friend tsunadehime for food at some place she knew. It was actually really tasty, and I appreciate the opportunity to order a "Wasabi Roast Beef" sandwich, which entailed a mildly spicy wasabi-mayo sauce on a fair amount of meat. The bread at the restaurant, Cosi's, is the whole gimmick, their "trademarked signature style" or whatnot, and I actually liked it, a lot, for the same reason I think the crust on French bread is delicious. This also helped served to prevent me from having to eat Spaghetti-O's for dinner.
3. From there, I went to the local library and became a member. Maybe it's just a nerd tendency buried deep within my brain, but I feel bad not being the member of the local library. I'd been meaning to get out and join for the past three weeks, but I either didn't have the time or I felt lazy or other such excuses. But, I did, and I checked out four books: a collection of plays, a collection of poems, a collection of random writings, and a random book by an modern author I didn't know-just to see, you know? Mmm, books.
4. I bought milk from there. Broke the piece of my shoulder bag that holds the strap onto the bag itself on the way, because I accidentally walked through the wrong parking lot and had to make a small jump, which is inadvisable when you have four library books, a full legal pad of paper, a clipboard with papers on it, and various small devices that do not weigh zero pounds in a not-so-sturdy shoulder bag. Aw, well, that's why I have tape, and the lack of shame for wearing a bag with a piece of tape on it. But, at least, now I can have my cereal in the morning.
5. This put me at walking through the door home at 8:30 PM yesterday, exhausted. So much walking did I do, between my job and going places. I showered, I popped a cold beer-Killian's Irish Red, for great justice-and I sat on my computer for awhile before crashing. And that's what brings me to this point, here and now, having gone to bed earlier than usual only to walk up at three-thirty in the morn.
Coming home to an empty apartment, living alone as it were, has strengthened my sense of independence and helped to abate some of my personal fears regarding my inability to get by… by myself; however, it has solidified what I always knew about such experiences: they're lonely. Sleeping in a hotel by yourself for a weekend is nice because it's an opportunity to regain perspective on who you are outside of the environment you exist within on a day-to-day basis, and I always enjoy that kind of thing (the biggest reason why I like to have my own room at conventions when I can afford it), but that's not quite the same, here.
Fortunately, I have friends in the area, but I don't know how I'd get by without them. I'm not the most skilled individual when it comes to making new acquaintances, and I'm, in general, abnormal, so most people don't typically relate well to me. I'd like this to change, to be a bit more adept at creating connections, but it's hard when you're slowly going broke in anticipation of your first check.
That has to be what is the most nerve-wracking about this whole experience: I had a fair amount of savings, and I managed to afford to move and settle in, but now I'm just counting the hours until I get my first paycheck. Finances are no fun (oh, the insightful things I write). I'm worrying a lot more than I ought to be about money, but that probably comes from having no one to turn to in the case of any financial crunch.
I'll make it, though. I always do. I'll be wound up and unable to go long without becoming preoccupied with worry, but I'll make it. Just another week, and then I'll have numbers in the bank, and I can actually go out and do stuff. DC is full of stuff, as it turns out.
Anyway, moving on… things that sucked since I moved:
1. I went on a date, sort of on a whim. I don't usually operate that way: responding to a personal and going out when I knew it was an unwise day and time to do so. Short story short, it was… boring. It was boring, and I ended up talking a cab home from a fair distance away and that was a hit to my wallet I didn't like. I should listen more to my gut instincts about these things, because they're usually right; on the other hand, it's nice to have entirely mundane, albeit unpleasant experiences with dating to counteract the years of literal insanity I had in my life in that regard.
Historically, women don't find me attractive, or, if they do, they're crazy (and not in the "Women Sure Are Cah-Razy" way, rather in the "Institutionalisable" way). Or, to rephrase, women aren't attracted to me, although they seem to be able to abstract that somebody ought to be attracted to me, just not them. I accept this, that's fine. Historically, most women don't interest me, which is something I find it hard to remember in the face of a mountain of rejection. Eventually, I step back and realise I'm being rejected by women I wasn't intensely interested in myself to start, but it's a natural downer to be rejected over and over, and over…
So, yeah, that was an experience I can't decide if I could've done without or not, and it's, in the large scope of things, inconsequential. It's a nice reminder that I can have perfectly normal dating experiences, and everything isn't necessarily going to lead to terrible drama slash trauma. A friend told me that it is an admirable trait I have that I continue to put myself out there even though I have literally batted zero my whole life, which I guess I can take as a compliment. I sort of wish I was capable of just folding from this game, myself, but some vague notion keeps me from walking away. Not that I'm angst-ridden about it, but it's all so very… dull.
2. I found out just yesterday, actually, that the reason why I wasn't going to Otakon wasn't actually the case. It's upsetting, because I really wanted to go to Otakon once, but it just doesn't seem to want to happen. This year, it almost lined up in such a way that I'd go, though, and it was kinda looking like I would. It's also rather irritating when something falls through due to factos entirely out of your own hands, and because of a lack of communication. I'm fairly used to not being paid attention to and forgotten about, and I am aware that in order to make myself noticed I have to virtually scream my head off before others look at me, but everyone once in awhile, I wish I wasn't the only one who made things happen for me, that I'd have someone else in my life who actually went out of their way for me. Hm, the previous couple of points are only very tangentially related to Otakon, but the relation is that if I had just said what I wanted more and louder, it may have happened.
Life goes on, though.
3. I'm done-
I've decide to write a completely mundane LiveJournal entry. Nothing with pretenses of being something more. First, I want to talk about what I did yesterday, then I want to talk about certain things that have happened recently that would be causing my nerves to act up, at all. I will strategically cut so this seems concise and less like a long jumble of poorly strung-together thoughts.
1. I am the acting team lead on my contract at work until Thursday, so yesterday was my first day, ever, in a manager position. Thankfully, the two people under me on my team at work… are useless gits who wander away for thirty minute smoke breaks and take two hour lunch breaks, follow instruction poorly and are lazy. Hooray! It's like a dream come true.
Things went off without much of a hitch, sans one issue that arose, of course, at the very end of the day, and caused me to leave later than usual or everyone else. Not that things going generally successfully made it any less stressful or nerve-wracking. I'd never thought I'd say that I really miss the Portsmouth Naval Medical Centre and that contract, but, shit, they had their… shit… together, man.
2. I went from work to meet my friend tsunadehime for food at some place she knew. It was actually really tasty, and I appreciate the opportunity to order a "Wasabi Roast Beef" sandwich, which entailed a mildly spicy wasabi-mayo sauce on a fair amount of meat. The bread at the restaurant, Cosi's, is the whole gimmick, their "trademarked signature style" or whatnot, and I actually liked it, a lot, for the same reason I think the crust on French bread is delicious. This also helped served to prevent me from having to eat Spaghetti-O's for dinner.
3. From there, I went to the local library and became a member. Maybe it's just a nerd tendency buried deep within my brain, but I feel bad not being the member of the local library. I'd been meaning to get out and join for the past three weeks, but I either didn't have the time or I felt lazy or other such excuses. But, I did, and I checked out four books: a collection of plays, a collection of poems, a collection of random writings, and a random book by an modern author I didn't know-just to see, you know? Mmm, books.
4. I bought milk from there. Broke the piece of my shoulder bag that holds the strap onto the bag itself on the way, because I accidentally walked through the wrong parking lot and had to make a small jump, which is inadvisable when you have four library books, a full legal pad of paper, a clipboard with papers on it, and various small devices that do not weigh zero pounds in a not-so-sturdy shoulder bag. Aw, well, that's why I have tape, and the lack of shame for wearing a bag with a piece of tape on it. But, at least, now I can have my cereal in the morning.
5. This put me at walking through the door home at 8:30 PM yesterday, exhausted. So much walking did I do, between my job and going places. I showered, I popped a cold beer-Killian's Irish Red, for great justice-and I sat on my computer for awhile before crashing. And that's what brings me to this point, here and now, having gone to bed earlier than usual only to walk up at three-thirty in the morn.
Coming home to an empty apartment, living alone as it were, has strengthened my sense of independence and helped to abate some of my personal fears regarding my inability to get by… by myself; however, it has solidified what I always knew about such experiences: they're lonely. Sleeping in a hotel by yourself for a weekend is nice because it's an opportunity to regain perspective on who you are outside of the environment you exist within on a day-to-day basis, and I always enjoy that kind of thing (the biggest reason why I like to have my own room at conventions when I can afford it), but that's not quite the same, here.
Fortunately, I have friends in the area, but I don't know how I'd get by without them. I'm not the most skilled individual when it comes to making new acquaintances, and I'm, in general, abnormal, so most people don't typically relate well to me. I'd like this to change, to be a bit more adept at creating connections, but it's hard when you're slowly going broke in anticipation of your first check.
That has to be what is the most nerve-wracking about this whole experience: I had a fair amount of savings, and I managed to afford to move and settle in, but now I'm just counting the hours until I get my first paycheck. Finances are no fun (oh, the insightful things I write). I'm worrying a lot more than I ought to be about money, but that probably comes from having no one to turn to in the case of any financial crunch.
I'll make it, though. I always do. I'll be wound up and unable to go long without becoming preoccupied with worry, but I'll make it. Just another week, and then I'll have numbers in the bank, and I can actually go out and do stuff. DC is full of stuff, as it turns out.
Anyway, moving on… things that sucked since I moved:
1. I went on a date, sort of on a whim. I don't usually operate that way: responding to a personal and going out when I knew it was an unwise day and time to do so. Short story short, it was… boring. It was boring, and I ended up talking a cab home from a fair distance away and that was a hit to my wallet I didn't like. I should listen more to my gut instincts about these things, because they're usually right; on the other hand, it's nice to have entirely mundane, albeit unpleasant experiences with dating to counteract the years of literal insanity I had in my life in that regard.
Historically, women don't find me attractive, or, if they do, they're crazy (and not in the "Women Sure Are Cah-Razy" way, rather in the "Institutionalisable" way). Or, to rephrase, women aren't attracted to me, although they seem to be able to abstract that somebody ought to be attracted to me, just not them. I accept this, that's fine. Historically, most women don't interest me, which is something I find it hard to remember in the face of a mountain of rejection. Eventually, I step back and realise I'm being rejected by women I wasn't intensely interested in myself to start, but it's a natural downer to be rejected over and over, and over…
So, yeah, that was an experience I can't decide if I could've done without or not, and it's, in the large scope of things, inconsequential. It's a nice reminder that I can have perfectly normal dating experiences, and everything isn't necessarily going to lead to terrible drama slash trauma. A friend told me that it is an admirable trait I have that I continue to put myself out there even though I have literally batted zero my whole life, which I guess I can take as a compliment. I sort of wish I was capable of just folding from this game, myself, but some vague notion keeps me from walking away. Not that I'm angst-ridden about it, but it's all so very… dull.
2. I found out just yesterday, actually, that the reason why I wasn't going to Otakon wasn't actually the case. It's upsetting, because I really wanted to go to Otakon once, but it just doesn't seem to want to happen. This year, it almost lined up in such a way that I'd go, though, and it was kinda looking like I would. It's also rather irritating when something falls through due to factos entirely out of your own hands, and because of a lack of communication. I'm fairly used to not being paid attention to and forgotten about, and I am aware that in order to make myself noticed I have to virtually scream my head off before others look at me, but everyone once in awhile, I wish I wasn't the only one who made things happen for me, that I'd have someone else in my life who actually went out of their way for me. Hm, the previous couple of points are only very tangentially related to Otakon, but the relation is that if I had just said what I wanted more and louder, it may have happened.
Life goes on, though.
3. I'm done-