LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT MY BEST FRIEND
My best friend ever, in all my life, was King Akita Bear Dog. I have had lots of other best friends in my life, but not during a time I was so in need of real, special friendship. You now what they say, "When you lose your fortunes, you find out who your real friends are." So - mine turned out to be three dogs - especially King, the best dog of all.
I really can't express what we went through, or what he means to me, still. But, I had him at three of my residences, the first where he was able to run about on his own, in his own fenced yard. (Of course, that was taken away from us by my jealous sister and her monkeys). We spent a lot of time, weathering troubled times together. Often huddled in bed. We spent many walks together, despite them making first me, and then him, ill with CFS. He never barked! He only barked when someone was at the front door. If there were crazy dogs barking at him, ready to tear him apart, he would just whine to get closer to them. He would run up and calmly sniff at them, and this would sometimes pacify them. King, the peace-maker.
He was a proud and determined dog. Early on out friend ship, I saw that he always averted direct eye contact, when I tried to communicate with him. And we got that to change over the course of a few years. He learnt to trust me. Which is one reason I can never forgive myself for finally putting him to sleep. I didn't own him. He was not my fungible property. We we partners, 100%.
I deeply regretted all the time he had to patiently wait until, after days, I would finally pull out of the latest CFS relapse. During which time he had no other life than to be at my side, and wait. And he had no life because, much of the rest of the time, I was sitting at my laptop for hours. So, I was aware of this, and sad about it, and I tried to reward him in other ways, like talking to him constantly. And, certainly, he pretty much understood everything I said.
I wanted to reward him with a return to a fenced-in yard, but that was pulled out from under us by the same sister, who's only aims were to ruin my life, and exploit me so she could flip her "investment property." There is no other explanation for her lies, false promises, harrassments, etc. So, as one is supposed to completely avoid abusive narcissists, my dog and I spent out time there together, making the best of it, knowing that our time would be limitted.
And - my dog knew he was going to die. That was one of the saddest things about our last month or years together. Just hearing him whimpering in those dreams, overtaken by some greater knowledge. So, I could only try harder to make him happy - while taking care of his health.
When we got to the vet, on his last day, and we sat inside one of the rooms... They put up a sign outside our door, which King heard. And this sent him into great distress, because I am sure that he saw this in one of those dreams. And now it was coming true. So painful.
Whether my dog, or some other dog, many keen dogs understand immediately if another dog is going to die soon, whether within minutes or a month from then. I can see it, and they KNOW it - I don't know how. It's like, most dogs just won't go near GMO food, or most dogs can smell cancer, or predict epileptic fits, or find their masters after hundred of miles of separation. These are amazing creatures, whom most of us really don't appreciate sufficiently. Just like us, they are, "children of heaven." They are signs that all of life is really far more amazing than any television set.
And if we have souls, then they probably have even better souls.
Similarly, most dogs get queasy around the vet place where they finally end up being, "euthenised." They just simply know these things. (And I wrote more about this here, around the spring/summer of 2023).
On the day I took him to the vet, we were early. So, we walked around and sat outside, enjoying the nature. There was a woman there with her white dog, (King is black), who knew King would die that day. I asked the woman if she would let King be close to this this dog, and sh was very happy to oblige. So, they sniffed and played a little.
When the idea of mating entered King's head, he averted his eyes, possibly because I had never encouraged him getting too visceral about certain things, like puddles of urine, and all that. And, he had never seen me mating anyone. And we were trusting-partners, which was more important. Or, maybe he just didn't feel like this was a good time. Self-conscious.
But, that dog's name was, "Queenie."
I am not going to write about King's final minutes. I'll do that some other time.
But, I will say that, after one of my dog dies - (also my mother) - I usually get some kind of signal from them, from, "the other side." As clear as a bell. But, this never happened with King. And I have theories about that. But, perhaps it took him a long time to forgive me. And maybe it took a long time for him to find me. But I deliberately sent out my love, beginning him back, to meet me in my dreams. And, the most amazing ting is that this actually worked! Ever since him finding me, nudging my heart, all crazy happy to see me - and forgiving me completely - we do meet up in my dreams, and it is extremely real. By real, I mean, he initiates things I myself don;t anticipate or project. And, so, we return to our friendship there. Playing the old games and finding new adventures.
And I know that he helps me in my daily life. He is now not just a limited dog, but part of a vastly intelligent and perceptive universal consciousness, which I can tap into. So, he truly is able to help. And he is eager to play this role, knowing that he has been the most important friend I have ever had.
Interestingly, both of my parents sent me a message that they would, "pray for," me, about 4-5 days ago, pretty much out of the blue. One must remember that my parents weren't always divorced, and once, together, did represent something halfway Good in life - and they did care. So, that was followed by a very constructive dream, and then a very productive, healthier day.
One of the only problems I had with King was, since he considered himself part of me, whenever I could FINALLY get up and about and, e.,g clean the apartment, or go about MOVING preparation, he would have to walk all about, to, with some unknown purpose, other than symbiosis. Or, an extension of his constant sympathies. The problem was that he would then constantly get under my feet, preventing me from getting much done. So, I would have to yell at him, as he was so fixated on doing this. As I said, he was a very determined dog.
But, even at those times, I would understand, and constantly talk to him, in fun ways. It was very important to me to talk to him as much as possible, to keep his mind going, since there were all those long stretches I was out of service. And I realised that, with my CFS, I was not giving him the fullest life I felt he deserved. Which is another reason why I was crushed when he had to die. Another reason was that I understood that his illness, so similar to mine, gave him many long, extended times when he exuberantly wanted to LIVE, returning completely to his old self - just as I do. So, to kill any creature who still has that much life - and love - in them, is a tragic thing. A stupid thing.
I am not saying putting him down was the right thing to do - it wasn't. But, my idiot sister was demanding I be out in a month, and I was trying to get a lot done, including recovering each day from CFS. Then, after a long trip, I got "COVID", which would have made it impossible to take care of him. And, this apartment complex full of people and dogs, with limitted yardage, is not the best place for a large, determined dog. I cannot conceive of taking care of him now, under these conditions - especially with me direly needing to save money.
But I did drive past a farm-house, once, and a you black god did run out, all eager to see me, getting in the way of the van. And, maybe this was his reincarnation, now finding me even further - while all I could do was to yell at that dog to get out of the way, making him feel very dejected. So, IDK. Maybe that dog will settle in and, like a lot of children, slowly forget his past life. And his past partner. And I guess that's sad but it's OK. It's just the magic of life.
I really can't express what we went through, or what he means to me, still. But, I had him at three of my residences, the first where he was able to run about on his own, in his own fenced yard. (Of course, that was taken away from us by my jealous sister and her monkeys). We spent a lot of time, weathering troubled times together. Often huddled in bed. We spent many walks together, despite them making first me, and then him, ill with CFS. He never barked! He only barked when someone was at the front door. If there were crazy dogs barking at him, ready to tear him apart, he would just whine to get closer to them. He would run up and calmly sniff at them, and this would sometimes pacify them. King, the peace-maker.
He was a proud and determined dog. Early on out friend ship, I saw that he always averted direct eye contact, when I tried to communicate with him. And we got that to change over the course of a few years. He learnt to trust me. Which is one reason I can never forgive myself for finally putting him to sleep. I didn't own him. He was not my fungible property. We we partners, 100%.
I deeply regretted all the time he had to patiently wait until, after days, I would finally pull out of the latest CFS relapse. During which time he had no other life than to be at my side, and wait. And he had no life because, much of the rest of the time, I was sitting at my laptop for hours. So, I was aware of this, and sad about it, and I tried to reward him in other ways, like talking to him constantly. And, certainly, he pretty much understood everything I said.
I wanted to reward him with a return to a fenced-in yard, but that was pulled out from under us by the same sister, who's only aims were to ruin my life, and exploit me so she could flip her "investment property." There is no other explanation for her lies, false promises, harrassments, etc. So, as one is supposed to completely avoid abusive narcissists, my dog and I spent out time there together, making the best of it, knowing that our time would be limitted.
And - my dog knew he was going to die. That was one of the saddest things about our last month or years together. Just hearing him whimpering in those dreams, overtaken by some greater knowledge. So, I could only try harder to make him happy - while taking care of his health.
When we got to the vet, on his last day, and we sat inside one of the rooms... They put up a sign outside our door, which King heard. And this sent him into great distress, because I am sure that he saw this in one of those dreams. And now it was coming true. So painful.
Whether my dog, or some other dog, many keen dogs understand immediately if another dog is going to die soon, whether within minutes or a month from then. I can see it, and they KNOW it - I don't know how. It's like, most dogs just won't go near GMO food, or most dogs can smell cancer, or predict epileptic fits, or find their masters after hundred of miles of separation. These are amazing creatures, whom most of us really don't appreciate sufficiently. Just like us, they are, "children of heaven." They are signs that all of life is really far more amazing than any television set.
And if we have souls, then they probably have even better souls.
Similarly, most dogs get queasy around the vet place where they finally end up being, "euthenised." They just simply know these things. (And I wrote more about this here, around the spring/summer of 2023).
On the day I took him to the vet, we were early. So, we walked around and sat outside, enjoying the nature. There was a woman there with her white dog, (King is black), who knew King would die that day. I asked the woman if she would let King be close to this this dog, and sh was very happy to oblige. So, they sniffed and played a little.
When the idea of mating entered King's head, he averted his eyes, possibly because I had never encouraged him getting too visceral about certain things, like puddles of urine, and all that. And, he had never seen me mating anyone. And we were trusting-partners, which was more important. Or, maybe he just didn't feel like this was a good time. Self-conscious.
But, that dog's name was, "Queenie."
I am not going to write about King's final minutes. I'll do that some other time.
But, I will say that, after one of my dog dies - (also my mother) - I usually get some kind of signal from them, from, "the other side." As clear as a bell. But, this never happened with King. And I have theories about that. But, perhaps it took him a long time to forgive me. And maybe it took a long time for him to find me. But I deliberately sent out my love, beginning him back, to meet me in my dreams. And, the most amazing ting is that this actually worked! Ever since him finding me, nudging my heart, all crazy happy to see me - and forgiving me completely - we do meet up in my dreams, and it is extremely real. By real, I mean, he initiates things I myself don;t anticipate or project. And, so, we return to our friendship there. Playing the old games and finding new adventures.
And I know that he helps me in my daily life. He is now not just a limited dog, but part of a vastly intelligent and perceptive universal consciousness, which I can tap into. So, he truly is able to help. And he is eager to play this role, knowing that he has been the most important friend I have ever had.
Interestingly, both of my parents sent me a message that they would, "pray for," me, about 4-5 days ago, pretty much out of the blue. One must remember that my parents weren't always divorced, and once, together, did represent something halfway Good in life - and they did care. So, that was followed by a very constructive dream, and then a very productive, healthier day.
One of the only problems I had with King was, since he considered himself part of me, whenever I could FINALLY get up and about and, e.,g clean the apartment, or go about MOVING preparation, he would have to walk all about, to, with some unknown purpose, other than symbiosis. Or, an extension of his constant sympathies. The problem was that he would then constantly get under my feet, preventing me from getting much done. So, I would have to yell at him, as he was so fixated on doing this. As I said, he was a very determined dog.
But, even at those times, I would understand, and constantly talk to him, in fun ways. It was very important to me to talk to him as much as possible, to keep his mind going, since there were all those long stretches I was out of service. And I realised that, with my CFS, I was not giving him the fullest life I felt he deserved. Which is another reason why I was crushed when he had to die. Another reason was that I understood that his illness, so similar to mine, gave him many long, extended times when he exuberantly wanted to LIVE, returning completely to his old self - just as I do. So, to kill any creature who still has that much life - and love - in them, is a tragic thing. A stupid thing.
I am not saying putting him down was the right thing to do - it wasn't. But, my idiot sister was demanding I be out in a month, and I was trying to get a lot done, including recovering each day from CFS. Then, after a long trip, I got "COVID", which would have made it impossible to take care of him. And, this apartment complex full of people and dogs, with limitted yardage, is not the best place for a large, determined dog. I cannot conceive of taking care of him now, under these conditions - especially with me direly needing to save money.
But I did drive past a farm-house, once, and a you black god did run out, all eager to see me, getting in the way of the van. And, maybe this was his reincarnation, now finding me even further - while all I could do was to yell at that dog to get out of the way, making him feel very dejected. So, IDK. Maybe that dog will settle in and, like a lot of children, slowly forget his past life. And his past partner. And I guess that's sad but it's OK. It's just the magic of life.