INSANE DRAIN
My convalescence has weeks to go. My eyes are sunken into my head, surrounded by darkness. Thrugh the 9 years at the old apartment, I never experienced this - only rarely and to a small degree. But, it was one of the first signs of my CFS when I came down with it. Besides this visible symptom, my brain is dehydrated, shrunken somewhat, and it feels that my eyes are pulled back into my head, and my brain is stuck to my skull. Pain, and inability to think well or focus. It's basically a miracle that I was finally able to read a lease. What is going on here? My brain is dehydrated because there is a flood of cytokines in my head. Cytokines and IL cause serious symptoms on the brain - they were only meant to be a temporary thing in nature, kicking out some infection, but in CFS, they are chronic, and extreme. Triggered by these, he brain is trying to wash out an infection, and so lymphatic and cerebra-spinal fluid are flushed out, causing dehydration. And this seems to go on forever. If it doesn't go on forever, it comes back, again and again. So, it basically goes on forever.
Why are cytokines triggered to fight an infection? Because the muscles have been active, and, in CFS, this triggers a state of emergency, where the body believes there is an infection/s. My response to the Epstein Barr Virus has been measured at 100 times that of a person normally fighting off Mononucleosis - and yet I show no present virus, just an amplified reaction to a virus. All this is triggered by activated muscles, (or stress, etc.), and is cumulative geometrically if the muscle activity has been ongoing, or without rest/recovery.
In my case, I spent several weeks packing and lifting and thinking and worrying and making calls and walking and cleaning and moving - so - this is the consequence, I have been very ill. As much as I tried to moderate the activity and rest and recover, it was still way too much, and I knew this extended illness was coming. My muscles take over a week to go through the regular process of activity-and-then-pain-due-to-lactic-acid. In my case, the lactic acid doesn't show up until days or even weeks after the exertion. So, you can see how things get more cumulative when I am already taxed at this level. after any exertion, at this level, my feet and legs cramp up insanely and painful, if it has been walking I have been doing. If it is writing or using tools, or such, it is my hands and arms. This has nothing to do with any kind of arthritis, just as FMS has no relationship to arthritis.
This is all fact. But I experience the ongoing brain cleansing attempts personally. If I keep walking around, thinking, looking, etc., my brain remains feeling like it is stuck to my skull, my eyes remain sunken, and I just keep getting more ill and fatigued and even on the verge of collapsing. That's because the cytokines keep trying to flush out some kind of real or imaginary pathogen in my brain, and this causes serious problems. But, sometimes, if I can rest, forget about everything, work towards the ideal of meditation, then this torment decreases, and, soon, I need to take a piss. Because that liquid has finally succeeded in getting to my bladder, and the "cleansing" is getting less severe.
But, there is another reason I want to take a piss. Resting, (especially sleeping), can eventually push the cleansing along so that it diminishes, and parts of the brain, formerly locked down by the dehydration and toxic cytokines, are allowed to free up to some degree. This not only means that I am able to think better, but that my bodilly systems also get freed up to some degree. Ergo: My kidneys start functioning better. So does my heart, my everything else. Because this a full-body illness.
After resting, I can't step outside of my, "energy envelope," (which is more restrictive depending on how severe my 'cumulative' level is), or else I will crash again. Getting to the point where one can at least appear to function like a normal person takes a huge amount of time; attention; care; patience; resistance of temptation and will; suffering, and expertise. Then, along come the psychopaths, smelling blood, raising their voices and making their demands.
In addition to the PTSD, (which is now mainly big nightmares), My dog's stomach won't settle down, after his time at the Canine POW Camp. Those apparently fine people gave my dog almost all of my giant jar of treats, plus who knows what else. He missed much of his kale and his digestive enzymes in my fermented veggie juice, etc. Plus, there was all the stress, which his behaviour here has clearly proved. So, his stomach has been squeaking and screaming like a cat fight. Strangely, this may be partly correlated with eating more chicken. It's not the only reason, but not having his regular cooked chicken while at the Camp must have been related.
Those people - in addition to plenty of dry and wet dog food I gave them - got a full bag of expensive GF dog food from me, which they never returned. They also said the would deduct $25 from my card, since we picked him up a day earlier than I had paid for, but they never did. Looks to me like this place is another example of a nice place full of lots of nice people who don't really know what they are doing, and some not-so-nice people.
I am sooo tired. You get insomnia, the sicker you get. You get so tired, you can neither yawn nor fall asleep. I bought some, "Think!" chocolate-fudge bars, and I had to have them with decaf coffee, at like 5:am, after being awakened by the dog. That's still too much caffeine and calories for me, at 5:am. I'll be paying for it later. But, maybe I can sleep now. Maybe I can have a day or two not concerning myself with the fascist BS threats and other crap, a prime commodity of this region. Gotta take my dog out again soon...
BTW - When I got into town, I went to my bank, and they wouldn't let me make a deposit, because I had lost my wallet. They refused me because I couldn't tell them - a security question - in which building I had originally opened my account, like 10 or 29 years ago! I am supposed to remember that? And I say, I think there was another branch, closer to the river - it was probably that one. It's probably closed, now..." And, I believe that was the one, but they would not accept my answer.
[Before I continue, let me mention: I have not gotten a new license or state ID because I have been ill. AND. Unlike the many vaccinated people who walk around w/o masks, threatening me with extinction, I must avoid as many people as I possibly can, since I made my right choice in not getting vaccinated. And god knows the DMV here is pathologically disrespectful].
And, at the library, the other day, while I was in extreme pain and exhausted, they refused my Illinois Driver's License, which has been acceptable virtually everywhere else, because it expired a few years ago. I let it expire because I don't drive. It makes no sense to reject a person because that ID simply says you can't drive, but all your other information remains relevant. How you reject a person on the basis of the fact that they don't drive? It's nuts.
So, they would not give me a local library card, because of this nonsense, even though I had brought in all the documentation they had requested. When I asked if, since I had a valid library card from a reciprocal city, I could get a reciprocal borrower's card, based on that. Well, I would have been able - as would have anyone else - but the woman said, "You told me you don't live there anymore, so I can't do that now." So, you see what this is? A Catch-22. A vice imposed upon the so-called outsider. How is this responsible to the public? It's the petty beginnings of fascism. And that's why I'm mentioning this in this post.
OK, so, after I was rejected on both counts, I was told that I could get a little permit as a visitor. This would allow me to use the computers, and such. So, I went to ask the computer librarian if I could get a permit, as a visitor. She asked for an ID, and I gave her - what else did I have? - my expired Illinois Driver's License. "No, we can't accept this. This is expired."
What am I, Osama Bin Laden? Am I a dead person, a ghost amongst you? Why would the first librarian reject me for an expired card and then tell me to ask another librarian for a visitor's permit when the second librarian would reject me for the same reason? Stupidity reigns supreme around here.
The thing is, I had asked for this visitor's permit there a week ago, and it was given to me, despite my expired license TO DRIVE. And the librarian who had allowed this announced that photo ID's weren't important to her, so long as additional proper information could be provided. And we sink slowly down into the swamp of third world dissociation.
Moral and sociological. And economic. Btw - have you heard the latest report. They're saying I colluded with Russia!!!
Goodnight.
My dog says squeak.
Why are cytokines triggered to fight an infection? Because the muscles have been active, and, in CFS, this triggers a state of emergency, where the body believes there is an infection/s. My response to the Epstein Barr Virus has been measured at 100 times that of a person normally fighting off Mononucleosis - and yet I show no present virus, just an amplified reaction to a virus. All this is triggered by activated muscles, (or stress, etc.), and is cumulative geometrically if the muscle activity has been ongoing, or without rest/recovery.
In my case, I spent several weeks packing and lifting and thinking and worrying and making calls and walking and cleaning and moving - so - this is the consequence, I have been very ill. As much as I tried to moderate the activity and rest and recover, it was still way too much, and I knew this extended illness was coming. My muscles take over a week to go through the regular process of activity-and-then-pain-due-to-lactic-acid. In my case, the lactic acid doesn't show up until days or even weeks after the exertion. So, you can see how things get more cumulative when I am already taxed at this level. after any exertion, at this level, my feet and legs cramp up insanely and painful, if it has been walking I have been doing. If it is writing or using tools, or such, it is my hands and arms. This has nothing to do with any kind of arthritis, just as FMS has no relationship to arthritis.
This is all fact. But I experience the ongoing brain cleansing attempts personally. If I keep walking around, thinking, looking, etc., my brain remains feeling like it is stuck to my skull, my eyes remain sunken, and I just keep getting more ill and fatigued and even on the verge of collapsing. That's because the cytokines keep trying to flush out some kind of real or imaginary pathogen in my brain, and this causes serious problems. But, sometimes, if I can rest, forget about everything, work towards the ideal of meditation, then this torment decreases, and, soon, I need to take a piss. Because that liquid has finally succeeded in getting to my bladder, and the "cleansing" is getting less severe.
But, there is another reason I want to take a piss. Resting, (especially sleeping), can eventually push the cleansing along so that it diminishes, and parts of the brain, formerly locked down by the dehydration and toxic cytokines, are allowed to free up to some degree. This not only means that I am able to think better, but that my bodilly systems also get freed up to some degree. Ergo: My kidneys start functioning better. So does my heart, my everything else. Because this a full-body illness.
After resting, I can't step outside of my, "energy envelope," (which is more restrictive depending on how severe my 'cumulative' level is), or else I will crash again. Getting to the point where one can at least appear to function like a normal person takes a huge amount of time; attention; care; patience; resistance of temptation and will; suffering, and expertise. Then, along come the psychopaths, smelling blood, raising their voices and making their demands.
In addition to the PTSD, (which is now mainly big nightmares), My dog's stomach won't settle down, after his time at the Canine POW Camp. Those apparently fine people gave my dog almost all of my giant jar of treats, plus who knows what else. He missed much of his kale and his digestive enzymes in my fermented veggie juice, etc. Plus, there was all the stress, which his behaviour here has clearly proved. So, his stomach has been squeaking and screaming like a cat fight. Strangely, this may be partly correlated with eating more chicken. It's not the only reason, but not having his regular cooked chicken while at the Camp must have been related.
Those people - in addition to plenty of dry and wet dog food I gave them - got a full bag of expensive GF dog food from me, which they never returned. They also said the would deduct $25 from my card, since we picked him up a day earlier than I had paid for, but they never did. Looks to me like this place is another example of a nice place full of lots of nice people who don't really know what they are doing, and some not-so-nice people.
I am sooo tired. You get insomnia, the sicker you get. You get so tired, you can neither yawn nor fall asleep. I bought some, "Think!" chocolate-fudge bars, and I had to have them with decaf coffee, at like 5:am, after being awakened by the dog. That's still too much caffeine and calories for me, at 5:am. I'll be paying for it later. But, maybe I can sleep now. Maybe I can have a day or two not concerning myself with the fascist BS threats and other crap, a prime commodity of this region. Gotta take my dog out again soon...
BTW - When I got into town, I went to my bank, and they wouldn't let me make a deposit, because I had lost my wallet. They refused me because I couldn't tell them - a security question - in which building I had originally opened my account, like 10 or 29 years ago! I am supposed to remember that? And I say, I think there was another branch, closer to the river - it was probably that one. It's probably closed, now..." And, I believe that was the one, but they would not accept my answer.
[Before I continue, let me mention: I have not gotten a new license or state ID because I have been ill. AND. Unlike the many vaccinated people who walk around w/o masks, threatening me with extinction, I must avoid as many people as I possibly can, since I made my right choice in not getting vaccinated. And god knows the DMV here is pathologically disrespectful].
And, at the library, the other day, while I was in extreme pain and exhausted, they refused my Illinois Driver's License, which has been acceptable virtually everywhere else, because it expired a few years ago. I let it expire because I don't drive. It makes no sense to reject a person because that ID simply says you can't drive, but all your other information remains relevant. How you reject a person on the basis of the fact that they don't drive? It's nuts.
So, they would not give me a local library card, because of this nonsense, even though I had brought in all the documentation they had requested. When I asked if, since I had a valid library card from a reciprocal city, I could get a reciprocal borrower's card, based on that. Well, I would have been able - as would have anyone else - but the woman said, "You told me you don't live there anymore, so I can't do that now." So, you see what this is? A Catch-22. A vice imposed upon the so-called outsider. How is this responsible to the public? It's the petty beginnings of fascism. And that's why I'm mentioning this in this post.
OK, so, after I was rejected on both counts, I was told that I could get a little permit as a visitor. This would allow me to use the computers, and such. So, I went to ask the computer librarian if I could get a permit, as a visitor. She asked for an ID, and I gave her - what else did I have? - my expired Illinois Driver's License. "No, we can't accept this. This is expired."
What am I, Osama Bin Laden? Am I a dead person, a ghost amongst you? Why would the first librarian reject me for an expired card and then tell me to ask another librarian for a visitor's permit when the second librarian would reject me for the same reason? Stupidity reigns supreme around here.
The thing is, I had asked for this visitor's permit there a week ago, and it was given to me, despite my expired license TO DRIVE. And the librarian who had allowed this announced that photo ID's weren't important to her, so long as additional proper information could be provided. And we sink slowly down into the swamp of third world dissociation.
Moral and sociological. And economic. Btw - have you heard the latest report. They're saying I colluded with Russia!!!
Goodnight.
My dog says squeak.