In a world...
Once again, the nuts from F&F are mouldy - which is even worse for someone w/ an immune disorder. So, that really upsets my whole scheme of things.
I've watched three pretty OK movies lately, all comedies. One had violence. One had Huge Ackman. These movies helped inform subsequent dreams. So did the Kombucha.
When I was a child in first grade, I tried to play with a bunch of girls. They immediately took to running away from me. A nerdy friend of mine joined in and started 'monstering' them. We got in trouble. Because it is males who cause the problems. Doesn't matter what their brains look like.
Another time, I joined in on more manly games. Must have been at least 3rd grade by now, maybe 4th. The game was a kind of tag. The boys used a deflated basketball to hit a prey person if he didn't reach the goal in time. I was not told I had to actually TOUCH the goal, to be safe. So, when I was chased to the goal, a flag-pole, I shouted SAFE! or something, and down came the basketball onto the top of my head, pushing my face into the concrete base of the pole. I lifted my right hand up to shield myself, while my head crashed into the concrete, and the next thing I know, I am looking at my front tooth, cusped in my raised hand. Fortuitous, you might say. this is a post about how other people cause problems. Seldom is your fate or depression attributable to yourself alone. Don't let them make you think that.
Later, I was goaded into a fight in the alley by the school. He struck first, and loosened the new cap on my tooth. I grabbed the tooth in concern. And my buddy starts yelling at the opponent in Spanish. The opponent thought he had knocked a fresh tooth out.
So, that cap had to be replaced, eventually. I went to a dentist, who told me to bight HARD on the mould, which I did. I return a few weeks later, and he tries to fit the new cap on to my tooth - after filing the tooth down to the gums. But the cap was too big. Instead of making a better cap, the dentist filed down the tops of my bottom front teeth. This left the darker insides of those teeth exposed and visible. Which, surely, I thought, was bad dentistry. How do get compensation for something permanent like that, when the dentist assures you he knows what he is doing?
Then that new ceramic cap came out about 5 years ago. I have been walking around looking like the cover of Mad Magazine. I usually don't care, because it is not often there is anyone in this city I care to look normal for.
In the mean time, those bottom, truncated teeth have been getting darker, showing hairline fractures. I suppose it also is my fault for eating nuts and aging, but one of those teeth chipped yesterday. Which I didn't need. I don't even know when it happened. But it would never have happened if that dentist hadn't done what he did. And THAT would never have happened if those boys has communicated to me the rules of their idiot game. Or the depth of their meanness. Oh, and then there was the punch in the face... and... Did I mention that some believe CFS might be caused by the mercury in dental fillings? In my case, it was either that, or the creek full of GLYPHOSATE which turned my legs lobster red. It would have been really nice just to have stayed in Tasmania and lived an innocent life, unfettered by an endless parade of American jackasses. But, what can I say. In a few years, Tasmania will be up in smoke, thanks to China and the fossil fuel industry. The next time you get blown over by a 100mph wind, just remember, GLOBAL WARMING WAS CAUSED BY OTHER PEOPLE. Greta Thunberg has it all right.
You look at all the progress that's been made by humans - all the toiletry and telecommunications and so on. For 7.5 billion people, right? Looks good if you have blinders on. But, when you consider all the webs of these tiny insults pecking away at us like a thousand daggers, pulling us all straight down towards the grave, then it looks more like one big massive compromise of all of our integrities - and 7.5 billion people is precisely what the problem is.
One of the dreams I had last night involved me working at a gigantic deli counter with two other guys, who were also members of our popular rock band. One of the guys was being a jerk and a loudmouth, so I yelled at him, and I believe I beat him up. This may even have happened twice. Then, it happened again, so I flew at him with a head-butt to the chest. He apologised, and agreed to sing along in proper form, etc. [At least one of the guys spoke with an Australian (Huge Ackman) accent]. After this, and some missing information, I saw that my old elementary school was on fire. Smoke was billowing from the top floor. The news reported that some female had sneaked in and started the fire, and hid, or something. But it seemed I knew who the real culprit was. There were countless people in the street, and actually too close to the building, alongside the firetrucks. A couple of times, they noticed the ground rumble, as if the school was collapsing, or maybe it was the planet.
So, this is all about goodbye to my past - Australia, burning down, my old school, my deli job, my dreams of being in a band, etc. But, at least it was about the past, which means it could be regenerative. But, it could also be seen as a manifestation of Climate Anxiety, or whatever that new disorder is being called. Nukes, glyphosate, global apocalypse - if it's not one thing, it's another.
I just know I didn't sign up for any of this. I don't drive. I don't fly. I sometimes don't heat the apartment. I don't eat processed food. I recycle. I'm nice to people. All this and there is no heaven waiting for me - just a burning fucking planet.
Must sleep again... Sleeeeeep....