ESCAPE TO NARCISSISM
Narcissism is a distinct psychological classification, showing a variety of characteristic beyond the whole, "that's me in the mirror!" thing, such as a compulsion to control or reject relationships based on a selfish point of view. An inflated sense of self - which is actually relative to society and to economic opportunities. I suspect that most narcissists could be nascent psychopaths, given the chance, although there are some differences between the two conditions.
I usually discuss narcissism in politics, or in religion. In my estimation, Bill Clinton is a narcissist, while Hillary is a psychopath. I'm not sure about George Bush, but he is probably a narcissist, while Cheney was the psycho. Obama is probably a psychopath. The good thing about Donald Trump is that he is not a psychopath - he is an ill-tempered narcissist. Hitler, on the other hand, was a psycho.
In religion, the result of some mass communion with whatever god, can be that individuals believe themselves to be extensions of something very important, through the agency of symbols and words and synchronised ritual. Like Zimmerman assuming he represented the white neighbourhood association, people's assumptions of belonging to a religious GROUP may be completely without legitimacy, and may lead to stupid, narcissistic, or violent actions, when the group is nowhere to be found but in the clouds, basically.
We are presently besieged by a wave of religious moralism, trying to cut back the government, and its assurance of the rights of others. This is a dynamic of group narcissism. These people say that their religion prohibits them "morally" from serving gays, or allowing transgenders to use a bathroom in safety and psychological integrity. Somehow, these self-deemed religious people own the rights to be kept free of the marginals, but the marginals don't have any religious rights, which would include sexual and personal freedom, fairness, and privacy. No, the marginals are a lesser species, with less soul, less consciousness, less moral rectitude and, (did I mention?), less money.
This is why such absurd law suits as the one seeking compensation for being psychologically or morally damaged from having to look at a state flag which includes the Confederate Jack. Although not directly associated with any particular religious denomination, this is in fact an example of religious narcissism. Some of the worst fundamentalists today are the raging liberals in denial.
And, this is also why our morally correct corporations have (greater) rights as "people", and businesses are being granted unfair religion-based favours by government. Even while people and their businesses are being granted more license based on religion, somehow it is OK for our corporations to steamroll over Native Americans, who have a strong religious belief in the value of water in their lives and in nature.
No, THAT belief is considered by the mainstream NOT to have any basis in religion, for one thing, because religion is not supposed to have anything to do with REAL things like water and survival. Instead, religion is thought to be based on moral assumptions - of the in-crowd. Not of the heathens. And, so, the gayly-married are similarly being refused their rights, bit by bit, because marriage, for them, has nothing to do with religion, right?
The interesting thing is that those who claim that their Christian religion forbids them from accommodating the gay or transgendered are blowing smoke out their asses. There are no tabboos against non-straight people, or crooked people like Mary Magdalen, (the possible wife of Jesus), anywhere in the Bible. There are instructions to love everybody, even enemies, though. But, maybe since the 1970's, parsons and sheep have built up rhetoric and hatred for the marginals, which I doubt is even anywhere listed in any of their church doctrines. Nevertheless, individuals declare legitimisation by association with a group which is fabricated. They declare that they are getting back to fundamentals when they are doing the opposite. Were they to follow the group as dictated by REALITY, i.e., the Bible, they would shed their hatred and their money and all go work in food pantries. And abortion clinics, lol.
This is the way of religious narcissism, deriving worth from fabricated self, rather from charity and empathy. It is a borderline personality disorder, where the religiously correct somehow get more and more opportunities and protections, while their so-deemed, "enemies," need to be buggered and pilfered, in amimalistic fervour, yet under a robe and a crucifix. In fact, their belief that they are advancing into higher holiness is just a basic, genetic self-rationalisation, for becoming more beastial. Here is the hypocrisy of so many religions, laid bare, which the believers are incapable of seeing. Instead, their denial only fuels the problem further.
(This is a function of PARADOXICAL LEARNING under times of STRESS).
As a kind of borderline personality disorder, narcissistic religion ultimately rationalises the taking of physical territory.
My example is often of the Muslims along the coast of the Mediterranean, who do not accept agreed demarcations, showing where international waters begin, for all to pass freely. Instead, if they can SEE a ship, then it is invading their territory. It is an affront to Allah, like a political cartoon. Therefore, they have the right to seize any ship they see, even if it is in international waters. So, this is a primal mistake, codified, which, if everyone did it, would quickly throw us all back into the Stone Age, or into something that looks like present-day Syria.
And, let us not ignore the fact that the elites and politicians of Christian and Jewish countries pull the same crap, partly through their exploitive corporations, and partly by the Realpolitik doctrine of pre-emptive strike, (or, "preemptive retaliation," like police action based on nonexistent, "pre-crime"). Those mean-world psychopaths whom we elevate into positions of power and control all abide by the same, animalistic, dog-eat-dog mentality. SHoot first, ask questions later. Take what you can grab, or someone else will. Spy on EVERYONE, because you never know who might be guilty. We are all presumed guilty, in this Calvinistically-backed code which pretends to be moral, but hides its true evil, or jungle nature.
Just think of it. Not laws, but line-of-sight becomes the rationalisation for one to attack. This is the self-rationalisation of narcissism, and it is the method of many religions or moralistic groups. It is also the way of BABOONS. The sanctity of religion can become so conservative in nature that it literally becomes a throw-back in evolution - which is why holier-than-thow thinkers often have a hard time accepting Darwin's theory of evolution. That our godly ways may be the ways of the Beast! Unacceptable!
I have observed it well: The more fanatically religious, the more ACTUALLY animalistic.
But, the sanctity of religion can often be a good, and even progressive thing. People feel the need to belong to groups. People need to believe in deep, "truths." People need to be elevated and motivated, and brought out of the Slough of Despond, and the streets without mercy. There are higher human traits offered by religions, such as empathy, tolerance, patience, love, and so forth, at least WITHIN the group, but sometimes also extended to outsiders and marginals. (Sometimes, the extent of kindness-towards-strangers is determined by how well the economy is doing). Finally, there really can be seen truths and spirituality in nature.
But, as in physics, these truths are mainly locally-based. The really TRANSCENDENT, or non-local truths, which travel faster than the speed of light, are hinted at in our hearts, but largely escape our mortal understanding. That is how life was meant to be, or life would fail.
"Why on Earth are you there, when you're everywhere?!"
Ever thing that is, has a bias to continue existing. This is what I call the, "existential bias." Every thing is a being. How each being continues existing is by determining its own time, or timeline, through infinity. This is both a physical and a, "cognitive," process. While this process involves the input of universal consciousness, it also determines LOCALITY, along with a specific time, or choices and goals and symbols, versus ENTROPY. Entropy only exists as a function of this local time determination, of the existential bias. (However the interplay of different beings/objects, with their local times, and their entropies, is a vast, paradoxical dynamic which is too complicated for this post on narcissism).
The existential bias, "makes assumptions," and takes territories, which are at the root of the narcissism of, "higher organisms," such as politicians like Donald Trump, and the religious/ groups affiliated with them. On the one hand, we need to exist, to drink water, and to take sanctuary in religions/ groups. On the other hand, these things can be amplified into extremes, thus defining problems of individual and group narcissism.
Each being is set in this place, because of its selfish bias, but partly desires to take the place of others. This is the root of the psychological concept of, "existential envy." It is all wrapped up in the concepts of empathy, and competition. As a child, I experienced a skull fracture, but was taken home, while my mother was kept in the hospital. At home, becoming very ill, I went into my parent's bedroom and began putting on my mother's clothes. Missing her, I exhibitted a form of existential envy.
Existential envy is also why jackass teen boys, or whomever, will go around imitating others, never crediting those others. Instead, they fully believe they have originated the very acts, themselves. They go around stealing thunder. But, this is how children, and apes, learn to become whom they are going to be. Grown-ups learn to be more civil and considerate, growing out of this basic narcissism. Unless - unless those adults are true narcissists and/or psychopaths - or - unless those adults are cultishly involved in some narcissistic, fabricated group or religion.
Taken to extreme, both existential bias, and envy, become the reasons why it becomes alright for leaders of countries to wage false flags, by sinking their own ships, (the Maine, the Mayguez, the Gulf of Tonkin); or staging a blockade on Tokyo's harbour; or blowing up the Twin Towers, as an excuse to get the countries into wars of actual aggression. These wars are meant to take territory, which is translatable into temporary economic advantage and vitality, thus preserving the narcissistic bias of the people or companies of the attacking country, and keeping outsiders in some kind of a state of depravity.
Narcissism generally gets translated into economics, good or bad. Such is one major function of religion, or of morality in general.
Existential bias, and envy, are tantamount to some things trying to eat other things. Each being seeks useful energy, (or packets of order, like proteins, fats anmd carbs), and opposes harmful energy, or entropy.
We all know that the world can be a testy place. People are on the take. Anything for a buck. Even people whom you THINK like you, do weird and subconscious things which turn out hurting you. Imitation is said to be the sincerest form of flattery - but, if it doesn't make you stronger, (because you have the means), then it will certainly make you chronically ill. Sometimes, it all seems so absurd, that even nice people seem to be trying to eat you.
One solution is to try to get away from it all, by joining the sanctity and the narcissism of a church. This can be a double-edged sword, which abstractly defines GOOD people, versus EVIL people. It is the very idealism of the former which can set one up for disappointment and anguish, and it is the anti-idealism of the latter which rationalises your own violence against others. As we have seen, religionism has been producing a lot of testy people lately, although they think themselves to be wonderful.
On the other hand, some religions can keep saying, "Forgive, forgive, forgive," when in fact a world of psychopaths merely takes advantage of this niceness. So. Safest to keep in-group, versus the outsiders, right? It's kind of an illusion, or a game. But, it is an extension of the existential bias of any organism.
Growing up, I was beset with knuckleheads who were not expert at the social graces, other than the ones they learnt from me. Seriously. With relish, or when in a pickle, they would stoop to imitating me, even after forever decrying me as some kind of immoral monster. Once the behaviour was now "theirs", well, they remained as pure and white as an angel's ass. And the source was never credited. God was credited, I suppose. I remained a, "devil." One reason I detested this was because I was not trying to play the role of a competing male, who deserved such deserts, since he would be expected to try to fight and dominate if allowed any power.
Low Status Chimps Revealed to be Trend-Setters - But, as I said, I wasn't playing the status game - which didn't stop my siblings from taking up my father's berating attitude towards me. I subconsciously reminded my father of his socialist brother, with whom he was in a lifelong sibling rivalry. So, I gots the shit. He also envied in me the traits I inherited from him, like gardening, chopping trees, being popular, acting in theatre, being artistic and musical, and clearly having the largest penis in the land. Those true Irish Catholics. I mean. Stay away from them.
(At one point, I basically said that the only way any one of them could come close to knowing what my spirituality was, would be to regard me as, "atheist." Because, that it the only alternative available to institutionally narrow-minded Catholics).
I could not escape them - not in the church - not in the world - and I found out that the world was even worse. But, I could try to escape through narcissism! When people are tested and stressed, they require the solace of self-importance, often offered by groups. I went through some of this narcissism, which was hated because it did not comply with the narcissism of the Church, which consumed all others in the family, and which they surely saw as being the very opposite of narcissism. And, that can be understood, to a point.
A lot of my narcissism was based on attracting females. But, there was something else going on in my life. I was trying to escape the narcissism and noise of all society, just so I could study, and think, and read, and write - and figure out the big answers to the big questions. Therefore, I put aside all thoughts of career and normalcy and happiness, and began my journey of the soul. At some point, I decided that if a female would not allow me the space to think and write for myself, I could not associated with her.
Then, along came CFS, after injury and a broken relationship, and I needed to escape from the world simply because it was incompatible with my illness! And now it was CFS who was keeping me from being able to think! And so I had to double and triple down on my only choice in life. To think when one's brain is now a home for scorpions. Verilly, I have walked into the impossible, and chosen a career far more difficult and moral and righteous, than did any of my siblings, who happilly turned their pedantic learnings into money.
So, I left one girl because I saw what she was doing. She was goading me into being a mega-narcissist. Then I left Ashley, largely for the same reason. (My illness factored into both decisions, especially the latter). And, I saw the need to completely block out a certain relative, because she was doing the same thing, god bless her. In sadness. All were incapable of changing their very ingrown ways. Therefore, I shut them out.
Shutting people out is one common characteristic of narcissists! And, that is how my actions will always be interpreted. There is nothing I can do about that, in a world where everyone seeks the advantage, and so where siblings would prefer to think the negative towards their kin, at least subconsciously. But, in me, what once was narcissism became only the motivation to be strong, to study, to follow the same clouds as Thoreau, in my own stride. To be true, not deluded. But, now, even the goading or the narcissism of others - it is all a huge consumer of what little energy I have left.
So, I have largely fled because I, very really, know my own limits. It is not that I am involved in self-delusions. But, history makes sausage of us all.
Some narcissism is necessary, else none of us would survive. I must believe that something in each of my days is meaningful, useful, and important. Meanwhile, I am swamped with difficulty. Hope springs eternal.
Well, when the Nethers were assaulting me from below, my only escape was to WRITE about it. This was a form of narcissism - or of the existential bias in desperation. Through writing, and thinking, I went on to learn new things, beyond the Nethers. The same has happened with the crazy bald guy below. His persistent harming of my health necessitated my escape into narcissism, when I would rather be concentrating on the riddles of the universe. And writing fiction. But, without tallying things, figuring things out, I would never have learnt that their insanity was deliberate and insane, and was blaming me, someone they didn't even know. When I told others about their passive aggression, everyone basically considered me to be the crazy person. In such a world, where no true hope is given, the only alternative is to escape into narcissism, whether through writing, LJ, or through religion, moralism or fame.
(By the way, I concluded that Nether Guy was a narcissist, while both N-Girl and the Crazy Bald Guy are psychopaths, especially the latter).
All around us, today, people are escaping to narcissism. As the economy falters, but selfish expectations fight to prevail, people feel the need to rationalise what they feel they deserve, including more rights. Many of them elected Trump to embody this fight, while many people fight Trump in a furry over their own assertion of rights and expectations. Recall the example of the person offended by the flag. Such examples are everywhere. And it involves a lot of words, rhetoric, false promises, semantic and linguistic and logical games. It is a very unfortunate time.
But, people more and more associate with their fabricated groups, who advance their self-importance by pulling all sorts of political stunts and demonstrations, left and right. It is both little understood, and deeply desired, that these group aggrandizements should lead to violence. We are, after all, getting into something more base and reptilian in our nature, and carrying on foolishly as if we must either win - or die. Being tragic in practicality, it can be seen as a social death-wish, manifest in many forms or groups.
It will lead to violence because we are losing the empathy we need to see how our negative actions do and shall affect others. When masses of people do not condone bully or troll voices who demand that we, "kill Donald Trump," but instead feed their fire through, "not my president," chanting, then the group choice is violence. By default. Benign consent. And, certainly, we can look to the right for countless examples of the same movement towards violence, obviously.
It is natural that, when feel are pressed upon by all others, we will want to shout out, "MY LIFE MATTERS!" We feel the need to assert our own self-importance, whereas everybody else is pretty much doing the same thing. And you get mutilations of intentions, as in the misinterpretations of the poorly-chosen slogan, "Black Lives Matter!" It become one big echo chamber of self-love and other-hate. Festering like mange.
Each of us only wants to retreat into a happier, safer place - a church pew, perhaps. Just - let us get our head together... Just some breathing space... Time to think about what things mean... A chance to humble myself to scaling back my own greed, and my darker nature... Forgive them, but also, "Bless me father, FOR I HAVE SINNED."
And, we feel humble enough for wanting this, a return to innocence, in the midst of adversity. But our society is not as welcoming as it once was. Our churches are vain. Our fathers have fallen. And so, our intentions get garbled, constantly distracted by technology and political garbage. And crazy people banging on our walls. And so, what is the escape, but to INCREASE the narcissism, and so the overall noise?
Instead of taking responsibility for ourselves, at least, we are lashing out at each other. It may feel good, to incline so religiously violent, but the fact is we are acting no better than apes or reptiles, forever captured in the dense, insane stasis of the JUNGLE. And, we may think ourselves godly in our missions, when in fact we are being as reactionary as ants to the coming monsoon.*
These shall be the days of crucifixion.
* - (Note that the attacks by the psychopath downstairs are directly related to the approach of bad weather, plus the full moon. The same was so with the Nethers).
Here is a book, from my tags: The Narcissist Next Door
See also this (incomplete) tag: GROUPISM.
I usually discuss narcissism in politics, or in religion. In my estimation, Bill Clinton is a narcissist, while Hillary is a psychopath. I'm not sure about George Bush, but he is probably a narcissist, while Cheney was the psycho. Obama is probably a psychopath. The good thing about Donald Trump is that he is not a psychopath - he is an ill-tempered narcissist. Hitler, on the other hand, was a psycho.
In religion, the result of some mass communion with whatever god, can be that individuals believe themselves to be extensions of something very important, through the agency of symbols and words and synchronised ritual. Like Zimmerman assuming he represented the white neighbourhood association, people's assumptions of belonging to a religious GROUP may be completely without legitimacy, and may lead to stupid, narcissistic, or violent actions, when the group is nowhere to be found but in the clouds, basically.
We are presently besieged by a wave of religious moralism, trying to cut back the government, and its assurance of the rights of others. This is a dynamic of group narcissism. These people say that their religion prohibits them "morally" from serving gays, or allowing transgenders to use a bathroom in safety and psychological integrity. Somehow, these self-deemed religious people own the rights to be kept free of the marginals, but the marginals don't have any religious rights, which would include sexual and personal freedom, fairness, and privacy. No, the marginals are a lesser species, with less soul, less consciousness, less moral rectitude and, (did I mention?), less money.
This is why such absurd law suits as the one seeking compensation for being psychologically or morally damaged from having to look at a state flag which includes the Confederate Jack. Although not directly associated with any particular religious denomination, this is in fact an example of religious narcissism. Some of the worst fundamentalists today are the raging liberals in denial.
And, this is also why our morally correct corporations have (greater) rights as "people", and businesses are being granted unfair religion-based favours by government. Even while people and their businesses are being granted more license based on religion, somehow it is OK for our corporations to steamroll over Native Americans, who have a strong religious belief in the value of water in their lives and in nature.
No, THAT belief is considered by the mainstream NOT to have any basis in religion, for one thing, because religion is not supposed to have anything to do with REAL things like water and survival. Instead, religion is thought to be based on moral assumptions - of the in-crowd. Not of the heathens. And, so, the gayly-married are similarly being refused their rights, bit by bit, because marriage, for them, has nothing to do with religion, right?
The interesting thing is that those who claim that their Christian religion forbids them from accommodating the gay or transgendered are blowing smoke out their asses. There are no tabboos against non-straight people, or crooked people like Mary Magdalen, (the possible wife of Jesus), anywhere in the Bible. There are instructions to love everybody, even enemies, though. But, maybe since the 1970's, parsons and sheep have built up rhetoric and hatred for the marginals, which I doubt is even anywhere listed in any of their church doctrines. Nevertheless, individuals declare legitimisation by association with a group which is fabricated. They declare that they are getting back to fundamentals when they are doing the opposite. Were they to follow the group as dictated by REALITY, i.e., the Bible, they would shed their hatred and their money and all go work in food pantries. And abortion clinics, lol.
This is the way of religious narcissism, deriving worth from fabricated self, rather from charity and empathy. It is a borderline personality disorder, where the religiously correct somehow get more and more opportunities and protections, while their so-deemed, "enemies," need to be buggered and pilfered, in amimalistic fervour, yet under a robe and a crucifix. In fact, their belief that they are advancing into higher holiness is just a basic, genetic self-rationalisation, for becoming more beastial. Here is the hypocrisy of so many religions, laid bare, which the believers are incapable of seeing. Instead, their denial only fuels the problem further.
(This is a function of PARADOXICAL LEARNING under times of STRESS).
As a kind of borderline personality disorder, narcissistic religion ultimately rationalises the taking of physical territory.
My example is often of the Muslims along the coast of the Mediterranean, who do not accept agreed demarcations, showing where international waters begin, for all to pass freely. Instead, if they can SEE a ship, then it is invading their territory. It is an affront to Allah, like a political cartoon. Therefore, they have the right to seize any ship they see, even if it is in international waters. So, this is a primal mistake, codified, which, if everyone did it, would quickly throw us all back into the Stone Age, or into something that looks like present-day Syria.
And, let us not ignore the fact that the elites and politicians of Christian and Jewish countries pull the same crap, partly through their exploitive corporations, and partly by the Realpolitik doctrine of pre-emptive strike, (or, "preemptive retaliation," like police action based on nonexistent, "pre-crime"). Those mean-world psychopaths whom we elevate into positions of power and control all abide by the same, animalistic, dog-eat-dog mentality. SHoot first, ask questions later. Take what you can grab, or someone else will. Spy on EVERYONE, because you never know who might be guilty. We are all presumed guilty, in this Calvinistically-backed code which pretends to be moral, but hides its true evil, or jungle nature.
Just think of it. Not laws, but line-of-sight becomes the rationalisation for one to attack. This is the self-rationalisation of narcissism, and it is the method of many religions or moralistic groups. It is also the way of BABOONS. The sanctity of religion can become so conservative in nature that it literally becomes a throw-back in evolution - which is why holier-than-thow thinkers often have a hard time accepting Darwin's theory of evolution. That our godly ways may be the ways of the Beast! Unacceptable!
I have observed it well: The more fanatically religious, the more ACTUALLY animalistic.
But, the sanctity of religion can often be a good, and even progressive thing. People feel the need to belong to groups. People need to believe in deep, "truths." People need to be elevated and motivated, and brought out of the Slough of Despond, and the streets without mercy. There are higher human traits offered by religions, such as empathy, tolerance, patience, love, and so forth, at least WITHIN the group, but sometimes also extended to outsiders and marginals. (Sometimes, the extent of kindness-towards-strangers is determined by how well the economy is doing). Finally, there really can be seen truths and spirituality in nature.
But, as in physics, these truths are mainly locally-based. The really TRANSCENDENT, or non-local truths, which travel faster than the speed of light, are hinted at in our hearts, but largely escape our mortal understanding. That is how life was meant to be, or life would fail.
"Why on Earth are you there, when you're everywhere?!"
Ever thing that is, has a bias to continue existing. This is what I call the, "existential bias." Every thing is a being. How each being continues existing is by determining its own time, or timeline, through infinity. This is both a physical and a, "cognitive," process. While this process involves the input of universal consciousness, it also determines LOCALITY, along with a specific time, or choices and goals and symbols, versus ENTROPY. Entropy only exists as a function of this local time determination, of the existential bias. (However the interplay of different beings/objects, with their local times, and their entropies, is a vast, paradoxical dynamic which is too complicated for this post on narcissism).
The existential bias, "makes assumptions," and takes territories, which are at the root of the narcissism of, "higher organisms," such as politicians like Donald Trump, and the religious/ groups affiliated with them. On the one hand, we need to exist, to drink water, and to take sanctuary in religions/ groups. On the other hand, these things can be amplified into extremes, thus defining problems of individual and group narcissism.
Each being is set in this place, because of its selfish bias, but partly desires to take the place of others. This is the root of the psychological concept of, "existential envy." It is all wrapped up in the concepts of empathy, and competition. As a child, I experienced a skull fracture, but was taken home, while my mother was kept in the hospital. At home, becoming very ill, I went into my parent's bedroom and began putting on my mother's clothes. Missing her, I exhibitted a form of existential envy.
Existential envy is also why jackass teen boys, or whomever, will go around imitating others, never crediting those others. Instead, they fully believe they have originated the very acts, themselves. They go around stealing thunder. But, this is how children, and apes, learn to become whom they are going to be. Grown-ups learn to be more civil and considerate, growing out of this basic narcissism. Unless - unless those adults are true narcissists and/or psychopaths - or - unless those adults are cultishly involved in some narcissistic, fabricated group or religion.
Taken to extreme, both existential bias, and envy, become the reasons why it becomes alright for leaders of countries to wage false flags, by sinking their own ships, (the Maine, the Mayguez, the Gulf of Tonkin); or staging a blockade on Tokyo's harbour; or blowing up the Twin Towers, as an excuse to get the countries into wars of actual aggression. These wars are meant to take territory, which is translatable into temporary economic advantage and vitality, thus preserving the narcissistic bias of the people or companies of the attacking country, and keeping outsiders in some kind of a state of depravity.
Narcissism generally gets translated into economics, good or bad. Such is one major function of religion, or of morality in general.
Existential bias, and envy, are tantamount to some things trying to eat other things. Each being seeks useful energy, (or packets of order, like proteins, fats anmd carbs), and opposes harmful energy, or entropy.
We all know that the world can be a testy place. People are on the take. Anything for a buck. Even people whom you THINK like you, do weird and subconscious things which turn out hurting you. Imitation is said to be the sincerest form of flattery - but, if it doesn't make you stronger, (because you have the means), then it will certainly make you chronically ill. Sometimes, it all seems so absurd, that even nice people seem to be trying to eat you.
One solution is to try to get away from it all, by joining the sanctity and the narcissism of a church. This can be a double-edged sword, which abstractly defines GOOD people, versus EVIL people. It is the very idealism of the former which can set one up for disappointment and anguish, and it is the anti-idealism of the latter which rationalises your own violence against others. As we have seen, religionism has been producing a lot of testy people lately, although they think themselves to be wonderful.
On the other hand, some religions can keep saying, "Forgive, forgive, forgive," when in fact a world of psychopaths merely takes advantage of this niceness. So. Safest to keep in-group, versus the outsiders, right? It's kind of an illusion, or a game. But, it is an extension of the existential bias of any organism.
Growing up, I was beset with knuckleheads who were not expert at the social graces, other than the ones they learnt from me. Seriously. With relish, or when in a pickle, they would stoop to imitating me, even after forever decrying me as some kind of immoral monster. Once the behaviour was now "theirs", well, they remained as pure and white as an angel's ass. And the source was never credited. God was credited, I suppose. I remained a, "devil." One reason I detested this was because I was not trying to play the role of a competing male, who deserved such deserts, since he would be expected to try to fight and dominate if allowed any power.
Low Status Chimps Revealed to be Trend-Setters - But, as I said, I wasn't playing the status game - which didn't stop my siblings from taking up my father's berating attitude towards me. I subconsciously reminded my father of his socialist brother, with whom he was in a lifelong sibling rivalry. So, I gots the shit. He also envied in me the traits I inherited from him, like gardening, chopping trees, being popular, acting in theatre, being artistic and musical, and clearly having the largest penis in the land. Those true Irish Catholics. I mean. Stay away from them.
(At one point, I basically said that the only way any one of them could come close to knowing what my spirituality was, would be to regard me as, "atheist." Because, that it the only alternative available to institutionally narrow-minded Catholics).
I could not escape them - not in the church - not in the world - and I found out that the world was even worse. But, I could try to escape through narcissism! When people are tested and stressed, they require the solace of self-importance, often offered by groups. I went through some of this narcissism, which was hated because it did not comply with the narcissism of the Church, which consumed all others in the family, and which they surely saw as being the very opposite of narcissism. And, that can be understood, to a point.
A lot of my narcissism was based on attracting females. But, there was something else going on in my life. I was trying to escape the narcissism and noise of all society, just so I could study, and think, and read, and write - and figure out the big answers to the big questions. Therefore, I put aside all thoughts of career and normalcy and happiness, and began my journey of the soul. At some point, I decided that if a female would not allow me the space to think and write for myself, I could not associated with her.
Then, along came CFS, after injury and a broken relationship, and I needed to escape from the world simply because it was incompatible with my illness! And now it was CFS who was keeping me from being able to think! And so I had to double and triple down on my only choice in life. To think when one's brain is now a home for scorpions. Verilly, I have walked into the impossible, and chosen a career far more difficult and moral and righteous, than did any of my siblings, who happilly turned their pedantic learnings into money.
So, I left one girl because I saw what she was doing. She was goading me into being a mega-narcissist. Then I left Ashley, largely for the same reason. (My illness factored into both decisions, especially the latter). And, I saw the need to completely block out a certain relative, because she was doing the same thing, god bless her. In sadness. All were incapable of changing their very ingrown ways. Therefore, I shut them out.
Shutting people out is one common characteristic of narcissists! And, that is how my actions will always be interpreted. There is nothing I can do about that, in a world where everyone seeks the advantage, and so where siblings would prefer to think the negative towards their kin, at least subconsciously. But, in me, what once was narcissism became only the motivation to be strong, to study, to follow the same clouds as Thoreau, in my own stride. To be true, not deluded. But, now, even the goading or the narcissism of others - it is all a huge consumer of what little energy I have left.
So, I have largely fled because I, very really, know my own limits. It is not that I am involved in self-delusions. But, history makes sausage of us all.
Some narcissism is necessary, else none of us would survive. I must believe that something in each of my days is meaningful, useful, and important. Meanwhile, I am swamped with difficulty. Hope springs eternal.
Well, when the Nethers were assaulting me from below, my only escape was to WRITE about it. This was a form of narcissism - or of the existential bias in desperation. Through writing, and thinking, I went on to learn new things, beyond the Nethers. The same has happened with the crazy bald guy below. His persistent harming of my health necessitated my escape into narcissism, when I would rather be concentrating on the riddles of the universe. And writing fiction. But, without tallying things, figuring things out, I would never have learnt that their insanity was deliberate and insane, and was blaming me, someone they didn't even know. When I told others about their passive aggression, everyone basically considered me to be the crazy person. In such a world, where no true hope is given, the only alternative is to escape into narcissism, whether through writing, LJ, or through religion, moralism or fame.
(By the way, I concluded that Nether Guy was a narcissist, while both N-Girl and the Crazy Bald Guy are psychopaths, especially the latter).
All around us, today, people are escaping to narcissism. As the economy falters, but selfish expectations fight to prevail, people feel the need to rationalise what they feel they deserve, including more rights. Many of them elected Trump to embody this fight, while many people fight Trump in a furry over their own assertion of rights and expectations. Recall the example of the person offended by the flag. Such examples are everywhere. And it involves a lot of words, rhetoric, false promises, semantic and linguistic and logical games. It is a very unfortunate time.
But, people more and more associate with their fabricated groups, who advance their self-importance by pulling all sorts of political stunts and demonstrations, left and right. It is both little understood, and deeply desired, that these group aggrandizements should lead to violence. We are, after all, getting into something more base and reptilian in our nature, and carrying on foolishly as if we must either win - or die. Being tragic in practicality, it can be seen as a social death-wish, manifest in many forms or groups.
It will lead to violence because we are losing the empathy we need to see how our negative actions do and shall affect others. When masses of people do not condone bully or troll voices who demand that we, "kill Donald Trump," but instead feed their fire through, "not my president," chanting, then the group choice is violence. By default. Benign consent. And, certainly, we can look to the right for countless examples of the same movement towards violence, obviously.
It is natural that, when feel are pressed upon by all others, we will want to shout out, "MY LIFE MATTERS!" We feel the need to assert our own self-importance, whereas everybody else is pretty much doing the same thing. And you get mutilations of intentions, as in the misinterpretations of the poorly-chosen slogan, "Black Lives Matter!" It become one big echo chamber of self-love and other-hate. Festering like mange.
Each of us only wants to retreat into a happier, safer place - a church pew, perhaps. Just - let us get our head together... Just some breathing space... Time to think about what things mean... A chance to humble myself to scaling back my own greed, and my darker nature... Forgive them, but also, "Bless me father, FOR I HAVE SINNED."
And, we feel humble enough for wanting this, a return to innocence, in the midst of adversity. But our society is not as welcoming as it once was. Our churches are vain. Our fathers have fallen. And so, our intentions get garbled, constantly distracted by technology and political garbage. And crazy people banging on our walls. And so, what is the escape, but to INCREASE the narcissism, and so the overall noise?
Instead of taking responsibility for ourselves, at least, we are lashing out at each other. It may feel good, to incline so religiously violent, but the fact is we are acting no better than apes or reptiles, forever captured in the dense, insane stasis of the JUNGLE. And, we may think ourselves godly in our missions, when in fact we are being as reactionary as ants to the coming monsoon.*
These shall be the days of crucifixion.
* - (Note that the attacks by the psychopath downstairs are directly related to the approach of bad weather, plus the full moon. The same was so with the Nethers).
Here is a book, from my tags: The Narcissist Next Door
See also this (incomplete) tag: GROUPISM.