PART ONE - (Part 1)
[Febr 11]: Here's a slew of good stuff and mostly not-so-good stuff and some just plain terrible stuff and even worse... Since I can't bring my mind together to complete any of these, they are all being posted as the first Parts of their respective series. Note how every one of these attempts becomes, at some point, contaminated by the Nethers, and they all seem to peter out. But, really, its the combined effect of stress, fatigue, and my dog's steroid pills. Today, dear diary, I sorted through papers, with my phone still off the hook. Emptying my carry-bag, i.e., man-purse, (it's insulated - FOR A SIX PACK - OH YEAH!), I pulled out my two FRS/GMRS walkie talkies and began checking them for low battery, etc. Both of them turned on, I suddenly produced some LOUD feedback, which sounded like a Canary, or bird-whistle - TWICE. Well, maybe N-Girl thinks I was whistling for her because, after all, Valentine's Day is coming up, and she has been following me all around the house again, ear up against the wall, and such. Oooops. But then, later, I brought my dog in from outside, retrieving mail from my box - from the DEPARTMENT OF VARMENT CONTROL. I was somewhat, em, concerned that someone had finally complained about my dog, about IDK reason!!! I read it inside, and it was only concerning the yearly registration fee - yah - I love them guys - esp. the girl - she sounds HAAUT! Yum I'd like me a little of that yo yum yum yo yo oy. OH YEAH! Anyway... So, I get on the horn and I call the Department and everything is cool - except after I return the big old-fashioned telephone to its table, my foot catches on the cord, and the phone comes flying off and hits the floor, producing a majorly big sound - and I'm like, "Oooop! SORRY!!!" But, I thought the damage was done, and I was sure that they would start up with their Nether-Banging again - and this came right when I was recovering from some heart pain. I stuffed my ears with wet toilet paper and fell asleep - and the awoke - and STILL, they have not produced ONE BANG! It is completely amazing and confusing and it makes me nervous. All I can say is that they completely shut the hell up, a week or two ago, after TWO YEARS OF HARASSING ME, after I...
1 - Threw a giant old, hard, filled suit case straight down, dead center of my living room floor, producing a small, loud earthquake.
2 - Left a quick message to my LL saying I was angry after 2 years of this harassment, and asked her to call the aforementioned Nethers and ask if someone could come over and fix that pesky "DOOR" which somehow keeps "COMING OFF ITS HINGES" because for some unknown reason it just keeps "SLAMMING AND SLAMMING BANG BANG BANG!"
3 - btw - Number 2 followed a visit I paid to the Nethers some days or week(s) earlier, right after they made a huge bang, (again following me audibly trying to silence my dog FOR THEM), wherein N-Guy lied about the door and hinges and insinuated he would willingly kiss my ass, but when the door was closed, he was yelling his head off, calling me the proverbial fucker-of-a-mother.
4 - Left in the night-time, and walked without my bag, down to the police station.
Yes - they have been not-banging or knocking, ever since I did these 4 related things. But N-Girl has been waging a smear campaign against my dog. And their dog has been getting more and more aggressive again. And she has been hyper-vigilent to me, smoking every time I make a move, or whenever a time comes where I tend to do something on "schedule". She's really completely nuts. Anyway, taking all this into mind, and IF they never do respond with a big BANG, in retaliation for today's fale telephone, then I can see only three likely possible explanations:
1 - N-Girl is in love with me or has uses in mind for my woo-woo.
2 - N-Girl never told N-Guy about the phone, and the bird-whistle, because she wants a mature, sexy night with him, (pffft!).
3 - They are finally scared shitless of me.
Or maybe she was expecting these (accidental) noises from me, since, in her mind, I am out to undermine her every holiday, and her whole relationship with the guy who lets air out of her tires. So, she said to herself, "I won't let that madman RUIN MY VALENTINES DAY!!!" more pffft...
Well, what was that I smelled this evening, wafting up from below? PERFUME?! Now, you tell me. Maybe it was special Voodoo perfume to ward of madman spirits. It only makes me want her more. And her little dog, too.
Speaking of Canaries, I've been meaning to post the following. It is a clipping proving what a lamentable genius I am. I have to deliberately advertise the fact that I am a genius, because I am so regularly dismissed by my critics, and also violently abused my my dear friends. Here's the scoop... Many years ago - early 2000's or something - I wrote to famous CFS researchers, and proposed many ideas. I distinctly recall proposing THIS idea to a CFS researcher in Boston, (I think his name is Daniel Bell), "Perhaps CFS is an allergic or auto-immune reaction to serotonin (at the receptors)." He must have thought I was a girly, and invited me to discuss the idea over lunch. Well, that was long ago - now look what I read recently....
Do CFS/ME patients have an autoimmune response to serotonin?
It has long been believed that the neurotransmitter serotonin plays a role in ME/CFS. A new study seems to have confirmed this by linking serotonin and autoimmune activity, thus providing support for the theory that ME/CFS is a neuro-immune disorder. Autoimmunity means that te immune system stays revved up all the time, attacking healthy organs as if they were a virus, leading to inflamation and other symptoms we experience. Researchers are concluding that serotonin autoimmunity could be an underlying pathology of ME/CFS. tinyurl.com/myv9qp6
Sept. 2013 Canary Times, page 12. http://www:cfccc.net
There were several reasons why I had this hypothesis - the whole gut-brain connection, depression, and because an immune-reaction cross-over could occur since some protein/receptors on serotonin resemble those on YEAST cells. Maybe something similar to gluten. What do I think today. Unable to study it much anymore. But I am more interested in role or dysfunction of ACh or NOR; Jay Goldstein's Reticular "gating-problem" idea, and glucose/oxygen use, a la diabetes, etc. Interesting that glucocorticoid reactions are dysfunctional, due to gene expression dysfunction in CFS, creating a cascade of stress. Why? I studied and wrote about glucocorticoids, the brain, and stress in college. Specifically, insulin disregulation leads to too much release of these sorta-hormones, which then go on to excite the brain's Hypocampus, (memory; other regulations keying into the thalamus), and cause stress, (surely a downgrading into more LIMBIC or reptilian brain processing), and accelerate aging. If ay of this reminds you of, oh, Alzheimers, well, Kudos to you for the free association there - you are correct. TBI, autism, Alzheimers - all of these may be somewhat related. Stress. Insulin. Limbic. What seems so complicated may turn out to be pretty damn simple, yes? Or do I simply WANT this to be the case, sice I am SO FRICKIN DEMENTED BW HA ha HAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!
"PART 1 - ''Rasta Booty: Intro 101'' - (with some Netherly stuff included)
[Began Weds Febr 5 2014]: What is Rasta Booty? Many of you have had some experience with Rasta Booty in your lives. It is also referred to as, "The Groovy Gold," "Trenchfoot," "Cabbage Farts," "Hamster Toe Lint," "Sweet & Sour Sage," "Uncle Breath," "Cheese Mould," "Kangaroo Stomach Contents," "Peppered Lawn Clippings That have Been Lying in a Pile All Summer Absorbing Cat Urine," "Fermented Bud," "Mud," "Sloppy Joe McWeed," "Mary Jane," or, simply, "Dope."
INTRO (Tues Febr 2014): I am still trying to recover from great stress and exertion lately, and there will be more shovelling, (and so Nether Problems), on Weds. morning. Right now, I have some cogitative function returned, but I have not got together my linger thoughts and ideas - instead, right now, I am built for speed. I will plow ahead, and miss a lot of, um, links. Unless I wither from fatigue.
I spent my first year of Nether Problems mainly in consternation and disbelief, always discovering more and more weirdness behind the nose from below - which I first thought was just plan insane arguments. For example, I noticed N-Girl apparently yelling at the ceiling when I attempted to let my dog out at HIS REGULAR time, "Something something something YOU MOTHER FUCKER!" I didn't think N-Guy was home at all. Same deal when she ran outside of the house and started yelling at the house - I didn't think he was home then either. So was she actually yelling at ME? Why? Well, since then, she has done that again, and I have seen it done by other neighbours. The idea is to put on a spectacle and make all the neighbours think that the person INSIDE is just the most terrible thing ever. Matches up with the gossip N-Girl has been proved to be spreading about my terrible dog and terrible me. In fact, she has been visitted in her kitchen by the local gossip-monger lady, whom I identified as such before any of this. (But - you may remember, early on, I did have the HYPOTHESIS that N-Girl was spreading rumours, or bad dirt, about me. Even though this proved to be true, some of you may have dismissed me as beign PARANOID at the time. I love how people like to transfer Nether problems onto innocent Non-Nether victims of Nether problems. More on this later). Why - why this deliberate attempt to paint me as evil, for the last 2+ years? Because I am white?
You may also remember that during about the first year, I assumed that N-Guy was the problem. But I began to otice that N-Girl was very much part of the action. I also noticed that when something would happen where, e.g., I made a noise - maybe like a yawn, in one of my joyous yawning fits - or a slight sigh or moan of pain - then N-Guy would come home later and immitate it below, mockingly. How could that have happened, if N-Girl was not reporting her complaints to N-Guy, knowing how he would react?! And, N-Guy's imitations sounded nothing like my original sounds. So, this showed complicity of N-Girl, which has since been confirmed in countless ways, not to mention LYING to cover his ass. So, then I began to feel that N-Girl was the main instigator of the N-Problems. But, several months ago, I switched back over to thinking that N-Guy was the main culprit, and it was HE, rather than N-Girl, who was A PSYCHOPATH - in every sense of the DSM definition. But, some weeks after that, more info came in where I just didn't know - they were BOTH complicit - CONSPIRING. Unbelievable. I knew that N-Girl has an illness, and I know she has "skitzoid" tendencies, like paranoia, and a, "dual personality" I knew they are both narcissists, and I was very clear that N-Guy has Borderline Personality Disorder, (and probably father and anger issues). I also knew that the behaviour from downstairs was unmistakably of PSYCHOPATHIC proportions. But I wasn't sure which one of them was the central PSYCHOPATH - or maybe BOTH were - or maybe each was 1/2 a psychopath, and all that needed to happen was that they needed to be separated, for peace to dawn upon this corner of the hood, yo.
Well, I am back to concluding that NETHER GUY, (at least), is not only a psychopath - but DANGEROUSLY so.
[Returned later that night, aft some CFS/etc. changes, now 10pm same day]:
Well, I am just popping in for old time's sake. I was either too fatigued or too out-of-it to accomplish anything other than switching my prescripts so, 1 - I could make a cool $20, and, 2 - so I could get over 50% discount on one drrrrg which Medicare/Aid doesn't cover. I don't know if the latter has succeeded yet, cuz I am getting calls. Meanwhile, this is day 2 of Nether-Rebound, after I threw a giant hard suitcase straight down on my living-room floor to kinda say, "Hey, guys! Lighten up!" For one brief instant, I was the great god, Thor. Tonight, they have indeed been lighting up, to some intense YOU-KNOW-WHAT. Speaking of drrrrgs. And I've figured out that N-Guy gets her high and paranoid so he can then launch into BANGINGS against me, in defense of her honour, of course. He tried to play that card too soon tonight, and they ended up in another argument - over it all. But, I guess I am writing yet another analysis post, for later. So, if you haint been updated, they fought, she threw him out, police came, at some point he let air out of her tire, she took him back, he brought home some drrrrrgs. And they are all so damned high-and-mighty proud of themselves, it's pretty darned disgusting. That's all for now. I have so much more important stuff to write, but my life gets so sideswiped and swamped. If you have any good ideas and where and how I should move soon, please comment. This instant, I am thinking of moving to a lesbian co-op in Oregon. I wish I wasn't so tired so I could deal with life and writing again. More snow-shovelling tomorrow, ergo more CFS, ergo more BANGINGS. At least my dog was wagging his tail today. If I can only keep him from turning mean - if I can just hold out until we go live with other animals or else lesbians. I prefer lesbians because they will leave me alone but are more fun than nuns.
Just wee notie la... You may have noticed that the only time the N-People stop their delusional rampages of passive-aggression is when they are in FEAR. Their attempt to CONTROL backfires on them, and then they are caught paralyzed as the supposed prey. Absolutism works that way. And, in my last post, I mentioned that it was possible that N-Girl may have been fretting, "OH MY GOD. HERE COMES MADMAN! OH NO! HERE HE COMES! OMG!!!" from behind her front door, as I came home that night of woe. Who knows - there are no noises here lately. Maybe they are camping out at a friend's house, in terrible, sincere yet unfounded fear of madman, spreading word at how crazy I am, and how I am always BANGING and stuff. Projecting their own crimes onto the victim. Possibly, this morning, they did their retaliation, with some giant BANGS, but that might have been snowplows or something - cuz I was in bed with tight earplugs, two hats over my ears, a towel wrapped around my head, two giant pillows on my head, and a radio and other white-noise going - so I am unclear on this now. I have no idea what their stance is now, because of this uncertainty, due to super-insulation of head101. But, maybe they are super-afeered that I will reign terror or police down on them. Yo. As it should be, and they know it, in their sinews. AND - today, I was finally unvulnerable again, and astonishingly out shovelling more heavy snow, in a he-man fashion, thanks, in part, to prescription drugs. It seems their car drove by while i was out shovelling, and, instead of parking, and then walking in, they began to park, and then drove away again. How come? Fear? Guilt? Engaged in an argument? Up to no good? I think FEAR covers all bases. Really, they might have convinced each other that I am totally insane, when I have been minding my own business, forgiving them up the WAZOO, and just wanting to write and maybe cook.
Whatever the N-Scene right now, this dreadful, enthusiastic collapse of control, into BEING controlled, is so typical of pathological, addictive, sadistic and PSYCHOPATHIC psychology. It is so astonishing it bores me by now, how predictable it is - though absurd. Maybe it's all due to a conspiracy of TV and movie script-writers, using the same tragic, sensational, violent, neo-Calvinist/Zombie formula over and oer again, for decades. Violent tragedy is our wild mythology, replacing whatever progressivism and compassion non-demonic Christianity may once have offered. Look into the river and see the reflection. It is Narcissus! Then, of course, proceed to fall in and drown. And I. I push a boulder up the same hill through all eternity.
notes -
observation
static grounding
radiation squeeze
sudan lady
PART 1 - ''GOING TO THE DOGS'' - (with some Netherly stuff included)
Anthropomorphism is one thing - (though, much of the time, we are correct to anthropomorphise, surprisingly). But it is terribly sad, conversely, when we deHUMANISE animals, such as dogs. We refer to "dogs" in the negative sense, when we think of scurley, jealous, mean, shameless curs - and the like. That's how dogs get when, for example, they are allowed to run free and in packs, overrunning a tyranny-torn, poor country, such as Romania, which is now in a campaign of exterminating 50,000 so-called wild dogs. (Also in China, and in SOCHI - http://www.livescience.com/43221-culling-of-animals-must-end.html ).
That's also how dogs get when they are raised in a STRESS-torn, poor, inner city neighbourhoods, where people-of-fear only fear dogs, or else value them for their attack value, their puppy-making value, and their dog-fight value. People don't know enough to see that dogs can be talked with, and loved, and can share compassion and a subtle palate for gourmet foods. That's because there is such a DENSE dysfunctional atmosphere of mores packed into the social environment - habits practiced which they cannot see nor annalise objectively, being of limbic brain - that they simply ASSUME that dogs will be "dogs" And so it happens.
Dogs become "dogs". Just like the people, who are also "dogs', though likening themselves to "GODS", due to their extreme low self-esteem or self-loathing. Gods - I mean Dogs - with very distincct, marked territory, and whims, such that: "Whomever shall transgress, shall be reigned fire upon! Such is my wrathe! Ruff! Ruff!" And, so, anyone who actually TALKS with a dog - well, this person is clearly seen to be a crazy person - a push-over - someone to be messed with. Someone to trespass against. What was this person's "crime"? Violating the meaness normalcy code - insulting people by trying to show off, from behind the private walls fo his or her own abode, which, in a mean society, are built entirely of ears. Dog ears.
My dog is becoming a "dog." He is reverting to the Pavolvian mentality which I describe in Psychology as, "paradoxical learning" - (and this is a very important concept in my lexicon, which relates also to the dysfunctionalisation of today's society and systems - displayed most prominately in the lower/upper classes, and respective sectors of the middle class). My dog is becoming, despite all my efforts these past months, stubborn, recalcitrant, ego-driven, contrarian, less compassionate, and even mean. It, taken with this toxic Nether atmosphere, has been making me ill and taking more time out of my life and functionality - an example of how the Nether-Nonsense has been incapicitating me, even INDIRECTLY - through my own dog! (You think I dwell on BLAMING? I'll partly address that later, hopefully). I will come back to this theme soon, (also relating to Nethers), but first I want to take a wee tangential trip. Come along with me, won't you?...
I have been thinking about my highschool days recently. Missing them a little. I am glad to get out of all the backwards dysfunction of those days - but there were good things that hapened, too. And, to tell you the truth, there is othing more dysfunctional that this place now. So, maybe my highschool days were the happiest days of my life, while these last two years have been the worst time of my life. I don't mind the devastating illness, so much. Not even the cockroaches, comparitively speaking. But these people downstairs are from HELL and I don't mind saying so.
[Resumed 9:15pm same day, full-body migraine cont's]: Ughhhhhh.... OK, where was I? I was in highschool. I was very popular in highschool. I came out of nowhere, one of only three from a poor grade school. I became known as a funny little guy, got to know some other nerd but who was a bigshot on the "Catholic" scene, and who was regarded as being supersmart. We pulled many intelligent capers, but I was a little more creative and riske. I became respected for my wit, but I also fell in with every clique - cool people, stoners, jocks, artists, writers, theatre people - because people not only realised that I was cool, but also that I was smart or deep.
I could write a book about it all. How I smoked pot on stage but nobody in the audience knew it. How I went to a motel room with stoners and cool people to smoke more pot. How I went to parties in mansions where I smoked pot and chased a girl around in the grass, and people said I was a wild man. Or how I skewered teachers with my drawings and my newspaper articles, which were the rave. Or how I created informal, satirical clubs that caught on. It was so fun, but I was still a loner and still lonely and still searching and unsatisfied.
But, I could have had - as a girlfriend - a lot more girls than I realised at the time. One tallish girl had a huge crush on me all the way through, and I never was interested in her, so she married a loaf of bread, who stood to inherit her family's MILLION$. I had my eye on some super-hot sorta Italian babe, and everyone began to know it, but I never even approached her, and it looks like she never got married after that. There was another girl whom I told, "I think you're the most beautiful girl in school," but I never dated her - so a crazy-cool pal did. After highschool, she died. Same with other girls I decided not to date - they were picked up by pals. One of those pals died, too. He was amazing, and I owed so much to him and his friendship.
But - I find it interesting that, back in those days, if people knew I was interested in someone, they would clear out of the way, and let me have my go. But, after highschool, if people see I am interested in someone or something, they all flock in to steal it away. Now - I don't know if this applies to you, too - or to other highschools - or what's the deal - I just realised taht this was true in my case, the other day.
But, needless to say, I at least got some RESPECT in highschool. The only guy who hated me was some jerkwad whom a lot of mislead cool people worshipped, but who was really a Mafioso wanna-be, with his slick threads and laughing nose. Maybe his hatred for me was a carry-over from a hundred years ago, when the poor urban Italians were competing with the poor urban Irish. Whatever it was, it was backwards. And he was kinda compelled to stop, when his cool friends started saying good things about me. And that switch also occurred at about the time when I was walking down a crowded hallway, and was so rushed, I decided to shout out, real loud, "LOOK OUT! I'M A BOMMMMMM!!!!!" - then I took off running ahead, through all the laughing students, clearing a path. ("Oh, that madman101!", they would say). Maybe this impressed the jerkwad Italian guy.
I do know that my rise to fame was first initiated when I was a freshman, and this Junior guy tried to pick me up by the hair in Art class, because I called him, "Slim," (which is what is friends called him). So, I grabbed a nearby pencil and stabbed him in the stomach. That pretty much did the trick. (See, I came from a POOR school, remember. I knew a think or two - plus I had my Irish pride, or whatever the hell that was). Anyway - my buddy who sat next to me thought this was just absolutely hilarious, and swore he would go to his grave laughing about it. He was a football player, so word of my antics got around, ha ha. Highschool.
I never went to my highschool reunion. I never wanted to see most of those people again, esp. the cool people. I felt seeing them would only lead to the same juvenile politics or games - (as if, though, as if these could be any less mature that the silly games which are currently being played in the real-world USA, especially DOWNSTAIRS). But, now that I am missing highschool, I am thinking twice. Cuz, for all it's retardedness, I have to say that I actually had a radicalising effect on many of those people - and who knows what some have become by now especially with the background of Catholic social consciousness - as opposed to the opposing force of demonic Catholic self-serving moralism or narcissism. (Btw - look forward to my upcoming post, in my "money" series, on the, 'DELUSION OF MONEY"). I had a radicalising effect - but largely through the medium of my wonderful gang of crazy friends and followers, which reached out in every direction. Oh, la. Enough of all this highschool crap - the point is this: (See analysis below)...
So, you can see all the reasons why I miss highschool, in some ways. But one big reason, which I have not yet mentioned, dear intrigued readers gripped in the throes of suspense, and a nagging, vague sense of dread, is this: In highschool, (which isn't the easiest word to type, btw), I came from lower middle-class, and cavorted with people in the middle and upper middle class. (Yes, I came from a poor grade school, but we were not in the "poor" class, sociologically speaking. We were go-getters. Today my siblings are upper middle, i.e. "professional", class). I think it is the Scottish streak in me, which has made me a big Egalitarian - so, whether in a poor black school, or a rich highschool, or a large college - and whatever the neighbourhood - I still feel it is paramount that people treat each other as equals, and that everyone manage to get along and intermingle and learn - and create with - each other, no matter the class. That is a big reason why I have explored so deeply the psychologies which fracture us and encourage wealth and class divisions. That is why I vehemently defend the integrity of THE COMMONS. Common sense, just like my old Skots friend, Thomas Paine, wrote about, so AlexJonesingly. FIghting those libertarians who have bastardised the ideas of Adam Smith, or those blockhead NeoCons and NeoLibs, trying to install a Boomer Nanny Big Brother State, premised on a Neo-Calvinist credo of "ANTI-COMMUNISM" gone berserk, ever since 2001, (and you know what I mean). [Going to bed now. Shutting down Lunar Rover. 3 - 2 - 1 ]...
[Resuming Sat. Febr 8 2014]: So, here we have a developing theme post, and I'm jumping back into it, even though I have very little idea where this was going, except it had something to do with my dog. I have been out of things for a bit - with a really bad pulled muscle in my neck and spine, which affects my lower left rib cage, as well as my brain - causing more inflamation than a body has a right to. Well, so, well, you know - I more feel like just getting online and skipping about, than working on a theme post - since both my body and my brain continue to ache.
BTW - any exertion or stress - anything which requires cells to regenerate - is bad for CFS. Even when one has sad thoughts and cries, well, those very brain cells are put out of service, and into PAIN, for the next few days or more - meaning they become unavailable - meaning one become unable to be sad or empathise and cry. Same with orgasms. Same with analytical thought. Same with conversation. As much as with physical exertion. The respective cells are just plain disabled for the next few days or weeks, and are replaced by serious RELAPSE instead. It is an amazing thing. Well - the point of this... is this... That is so when one sprains a muscle in or near the spine, as well. BUT - I have found that anything involving the smooth muscle around the spine - this affects CFS the most severely! So. What it is. Man.
Just to ketch you up: After N-Guy let air out of N-Girl's tire, and she threw him out, and the cops showed up, and I scared them with a giant return-volley BANG, and I also scared them by walking off to God-Know-Where! in the night! (to the police)... And after she took him back, well: N-Guy pumped N-girl all up with several days full of the WEEEED, and someting that smelled like burnt food - which maybe was burnt food - N-Girl sat down there smoking and fuming and competing with me to see who could be the most quiet - and she was just WAITING for me to make ONE LITTLE NOISE so she could launch into her next rampage of delusion. I know this because she had said to N-Guy: "You're always the one who starts all the trouble." They have ALWAYS been the ones who start all the trouble - but this time, as sometimes happens after she has had a tumble, she was looking to CLEARLY pin the blame on me, which, you have to hand it to her, is better than simply concocting all sorts of fantastic delusions in her head as to why I deserve to be pummelled into the ground with loud bangs and so forth. At least she's makign an ATTEMPT to apear rational, in her own head. Anyway, I didn't really make any terrible noise, but she was sending out her dog at the time when I normally do, and coughing in the morning so I would think I am somehow making her sick (rather than this being done by her CONSTANT SMOKING), and simply dogging me in many a tedious way. So, in her now-"justified" anger, she is turning up the stereo, imitating me, and all that. Last night, they produced more bangs at 3:15AM - which proved that they have been the cause of me and my dog's insomnia, (ET AL), and his shaking his fur in the middle of the night, in righteous indignation. And she has been inviting people to come and go, at precisely the times when she knows I will be out with my dog. Today, she saw us out, and she was also aware I was planning on shovelling as well, so she starts shovelling her walk, not saying anything, with a cigarette stupidly sticking ut the middle of her face, thinking she was cool. Initially, my dog ran towards her, while she was up on the porch. He has been doing this because he sense that she secretly desires me, and that N-Guy looks more to blame for the crap below than SHE does. Plus, he thinks se's hot. But, as I said, I tempered my dog down, and began my shovelling - and, well what do you know, all these people came out of the wood work, walking up to my dog, or running from my dog, all trying to make him out to look like he is this huge TERROR. This is EXACTLY what happened last time, so I've been proved correct here - she starts these smear campaigns via cellphone or facebook, and then many people show up and start messing with me and my dog, trying to fulfill the prophesy that my dog is dangerous. This is what gave my dog bloody diarhea last time, poor thing, and became an expense. That last sentence wasn't even English, was it?! IDK. I'm tired. Everyone here is crazy. I think N-Guy sells you-know-what out of their apartment - the one where he isn't on the lease. And, the way the police acted, and the way my LL acts, it just may be that they are getting a little on the side from N-Guy. I heard that at least some police are corrupt here, but I never imagined landing right on top of it all. Anyway - that's all I have to say about that for now. The point being: Once again, she has created bullshit out of nothing, and making ME the enemy when it was N-Guy who was her problem, since the POT completely inflated her self-serving EGO again, she make my life a living hell again. I haven't got the faintest idea. Everything seems to be up in the air at this point. I need something to change my mind.
notes-
I think about the pop people in HS now, and I can relate to them cuz at least they know how to WIN.
actually passed notes in class with one of coolest girls in school
I really want to get around to doing this "Delusion of Money" post, but now I have completely forgotten the whole thing - except for this clue: N-Girl says, "I don't see why you can't let the dogs have sex, and make a little money from the pups..." - something struck me as being very wrong and "poignant" about that comment. Well - this "Part ONE" of The Delusion of Money doesn't actually say ANYTHING ABOUT the delusion of money so, eh... It's mostly NETHERLY...
PART 1 - ''The Delusion of Money - (and other topics)'' - (with some Netherly stuff included)
[starting this around 9:30pm Mon night Febr 10, 2014]: Hemph. I dunno where I'm at with all these J post fragments all over the place. But I'm launching into this new one - and I can only hope that THIS one actually matures into a real LJ post some day. The following post comes from deep ideas for a deep post, but I haven't been keeping track of those thoughts, and so it is all mainly slipshod, shotguun writing.
But first, poisonal: I sprained my neck AND MORE and I, and my CFS, are still recovering from it. Painful in its own right, but there are also complications or parallel difficulties. One relative called to start helping me again, after 2 weeks since the last time, and I simply have to avoid her. I took the phone off the hook. She is something of a well-meaning control-freak, and it just doesn't sink into her head how ILL I am, or how SERIOUS or dangerous is my current living situation. Advice on how to respect my needs simply bounces off her head, and she wats to chatter onto the next denial ploy, and then draw us both into family dysfunction which I addressed PERSONALLY many years ago - let me tell you: NOW is NOT the time for my energy to be sapped away into more stressful bullshit - nor is this the time for me to become more DEPENDENT on screwballs, even though I am SO vulnerable right now. I wish I actually knew some non-fucked-up people, but I think the whole country is lost. Seems that way. I am writing to Canada and and well - more on this beginning, later. Anyway, things in this house have been insanely tense lately - so - even just dealing with THAT takes so much out of me - not to mention dealing with dog, cooking, writing mail, organising the future, etc.
I need not go into describing the latest Nether nonsense here. But, N-Girl has launched a new smear campaign against my dog, and she is also trying to convince people that I am making her sick, rather than vice versa. I was lying on my back room futon, where I go to get away from WiFi micro-radiation, and their second-hand smoke. Whenever I lie down there, my head starts clearing, and my intestines start working again - rumbling quietly along the way. Well, N-Girl has a bad case of imitative competition - {see near top of my TAGS} - so she followed me back there, since she knows this is the time I DO that, and she starts a bath. Remember - she did the same thing last year - looking for a reason to blame me for something. Like waiting until it's MY time to take my dog out, so then SHE wants to only take her dog out at the SAME TIME, and then starts blaming me for wanting to own the place - when it is very much they who want to own the place - and I could emphasize that, ad infinitum, in examples and analyses. Well, there I am silently resting on my futon, and she's now in the bath below, and my stomach makes some almost inaudible rumbles, and she then starts fretting in terror or something, and their dog starts barking, and I'VE GOT TO GET OUT OF THIS TOWN. hhhhhhhhhhhhhh.........
OK - gotta rest before I see if I can keep writing this post...
[Snippet 10:50pm]: Hey, wait! Doesn't N-Girl have things BACKWARDS? I mean, wasn't it N-Girl who has knocked on the walls below while I was taking baths, and so forth? ("Knock tree times on the ceiling if you want me! *KNOCK KNOCK* Twice on the pipes if you all-of-the-sudden want to have me exterminated!! la la la!")... And wait, wasn't it THEM sneaking around all the time? And wasn't it THEIR dog barking all the time, or running off leash, or pissing in my yard? Is that why she and all available Nethers have been staring out their door for fear I would make ONE FALSE MOVE WITH MY DOG? My dog, who almost never barks, is always on a leash, and almost never touches the sidewalk even for a walk, ad hasn't even been near or on their pocrch - whereas ALL THREE OF THEM have been near AND on my porch?!?!?! WITHOUT ASKING?!?!?! AGAGAGAGAGAGGAAAAAAA!!!!! And how come I am treated like the criminal when it was N-Guy - yes the guy who has since DOPED YOU UP ON POT AND PROBABLY CRACK - who was the one who LET THE AIR OUT OF YOUR TIRE A FEW WEEKS AGO. And now N-Girl is in her latest pre-holiday paranoia, CONVINCED that madman is OUT TO DESTROY HER VALENTINES DAY! Then don't take baths below when you know I am upstairs in my back bedroom having a seance with my intestines!
BTW - That call from my relative? It rang at 9:45pm last night, when things were really tense in this house, (and I swore N-People would retaliate against the tiny little ringing). Well, the slight PTSD tension it evoked in me kept me heart in adrenalin mode for some time, and basically ruined much of my next day, just like the sound of a loud door BANGING, grasshoppah. See - my relative should know better - after all the time and energy I spent on describing and explaining things here to her, (plus my illness(s). Well, my parasymapthetic nervouse system is fucked - so anything to do with adrenalin, fight/flight, and I'm pretty much rendered pain incarnate. So, yeah. eghhhhhhhhhhhhh...............
Hey - that will solve everything - they are smoking more hard pot again downstairs, while drowning in a sea of WiFi microwave radiation, reeking havok on everyone's brains. Let us all merge with the smothering climate of fear, my children. My borg. My hamburger.
OK - first deep thoughts begin here {11:11pm}: I understand the whole theory that racism can only be perpetrated by the class or race in POWER. I long adhered to this theory, but I am now certain that it is dangerously incorrect. So, I am not going to expand on this - I am merely informing you of where I stand. But, we have for so long looked at racism in the context of politics. And now - I am thinking it must, at least ALSO, be considered to perhaps to be a mental illness... Akin to psychopathy or sociopathy. It seems to operate along the same dynamics, (involving skitzoid [sic] paranoia, etc.), and likes to thrive in climtes where FEAR prevails - collapsing the attendant stress of social AMBIGUITY into situations of RACIAL BLAME. Just as sociopaths prosper in a climate of fear, so do "genopaths."
More later...
notes-
see top of my TAGS
need to define genopath, classify into "anti-socials, closet anti-socials, etc."
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