Headlines!!!!
"Polls indicate Americans oppose war with Syria by 350 million to one: What does the President now need to do to get those votes?"
"President fails to gather votes - goes into Syria alone - no one there."
"Arizonan's welcoming millions of illegal Syrian immigrants with open arms."
"John McCain locked up in detention camp, babbling, 'We are obligated - this is not a matter of responsibility.'"
"Kerry swallowed by sink-hole while having dinner with family on Larry David golf course, shouting, 'I know what's best!'"
"Americans want to send Congress to Syria"... http://www.theonion.com/articles/poll-majority-of-americans-approve-of-sending-cong,33752/
"Persuaded by Presidential address, Americans change mind, vote in favour of extinction."
"Large swarms of flies and locusts descend upon drone strike, make meal of it."
"World turns to desert - Nether girl continues banging on ceiling."
"Madman gets sex change, escapes prison, marries into Royal Family, spends impoverished life in cave playing Farmville."
"Roving bands of LJ friends scour planet for forbidden emoticons."
"Aliens completely disappointed by unspectacular invasion, look elsewhere for excitement."
"Jobs returning from China, people don't want them anymore."