A Revolution for THIS?
You know what's hot in France? These guys:
Johnny Hallyday
Johnny Hallyday FUN FACTS:
- Old as fuck.
- Plastic surgery evident.
- Married 4 times.
- Been around since god knows when. 1950s anyway.
- Just celebrated his 60th birthday in a series of sold-out Paris concerts, which much hooplah and to-do.
- Huge in France (HUGE I tell you).
- The French think he's Elvis. He isn't. But he is their Elvis-had-he-not-croaked.
- According to IMDB, "The Jimi Hendrix Experience played their very first gig as support for the French heartthrob at the Paris Olympia in October 1966." (How's that for an atrocity?)
- He has been pretty well known for interpreting American Rock 'n' Roll songs for French audiences. Here is one such example:
Laissez-Nous Twister [Twisting the Night Away]
(S. Cooke / adapted by A. Pascal)
1962
Vous avez connu le bon temps
Pour nous qui avons vingt ans
Le bon temps c'est maintenant
Et laissez-nous twister
S'agit pas de vous moquer
Arrêter de nous blâmer
Nous dansons ce qui nous plaît
Et laissez-nous twister
Ouais, twister, twister
A votre tour de danser
Twister, twister
Et laissez-nous twister
On ne vous reproche pas
Le tango ou le tcha-tcha
Continuez, c'est votre droit
Mais laissez-nous twister
Ouais, twister, twister
A votre tour de danser
Twister, twister
Et laissez-nous twister
And so on and so forth. If he heard this, Sam Cooke would laiss-er himself twist-er right into a fiery grave (instead of the three gunshot wounds he got instead).
- Johnny's real name? Jean-Philippe Smet
- Ready-made jokes using the surname Smet (courtesy of the infantile minds of Leah & Neil):
"Smet you and your sister too!"
"Careful around him. He's a real smet peddler."
"For 40 years, Johnny's been dousing his fans in smet."
"That pill has dangerous side effects: oily discharge, nausea, and viscous night smets."
"Did that guy just smet his pants?"
"Hey Ma, look at my smetty balls!"
"Wipe that smet off your face, will ya?"
"Oh my god, Dan, WHAT THE SMET IS THAT?"
"Damn, the smet has really hit the fan!"
"That boy don't know smet from shinola."
And so on and so forth.
And now.....the gallery.
Before.....
And After
See these eye-crinkles? Doc took care of those, and any semblance of humanity with them.
Jean-Paul Gaultier leather (really, he designed the outfit). For leatherfaced lotharios only.
Looking a little worse for the wear.
I'm feeling a little worse for the wear myself.
Florent Pagny
I fucking hate this guy. I really do. He takes himself really fucking seriously and cavorts about in a hairstyle even Cher would scoff at. He was involved in The Great Peroxide Spill of '02 and hasn't been told how STUPID he looks. What a cunt. He has also grown out this sparse goatee/beard which he beads at the chin like a big stringy pubic hair. It's abominable. It's also hard to capture a pic of him in his current 'do (there is one at the bottom) but you'll get a sense of his disgusting hideousness from these snapshots. Enjoy. I know I won't.
If you look like this.....kill yourself
Trying to look pensive? You're not fooling anybody.
Peek-A-Boo! Who hates you? I do.
He makes that Sugar Ray guy look cool.
Look Like a Fornicating Swivel-Eyed Little Git, Sing Like a Fornicating Swivel-Eyed Little Git:
Current Manifestation of This Sucker of Satan's Cock
(I think he looks like that thing in The Predator)
Last, but not least:
Eros Ramazzotti
Real name: Eros Luciano Walter Ramazzotti Molina (WALTER???? I dunno)
Anyway, these photos are simply too rich to escape comment. And just so I don't receive any hate-mail for making fun of the slow or mentally disabled, I will announce that Eros suffers from no medically-identifiable disorder whatsoever. He's just really fucking stupid.
Durrrr.....
Durrrr???
"Heh Heh. Blinds tickle back, make funny....."
"I like nachos....."
Shit, Another Durrrr:
"I think that....uhh....umm....wiener."
Bright Lights, Big Dummy
"Left finger, right finger, left finger, right finger....."
"Ball bounce big. Pretty ball."
Durrrr II.....The Final Reckoning
Quotes from Eros, Straight from the Horse's Mouth:
"Of course, selling records is good, but it's not fundamental. Respect to my personal life, I don't make scandals because I have a really normal life. I leave the studio, put on a pair of shorts and I go walking quietly, something that other artists can't do. I'd like to maintain this humbleness, which is an important thing for anybody that creates music."
Also:
"Everyday I have an idea. And not only for albums or songs. I want to venture out a little and explore the borders of singing, because I am already an author, musician, and I have my own studio. In fact, already I am an entrepreneur of music. I like what I make and I do what I like."
Keep up that humility, Eros.
I'd like to Ramazzotti where the sun don't shine. A zotti is like a ziti, only smaller. Check it out.
Disclaimer: I love France and fucking love the French way of life. I am moving there in a year to do my dissertation research. I love just about everything about that place, so please forgive me for itemizing a few dislikes.
The French also like Radiohead, Iggy Pop, Neil Young and David Bowie, and they appreciate the Blues a hell of a lot better than my own lousy country, so......THERE! :P
Johnny Hallyday
Johnny Hallyday FUN FACTS:
- Old as fuck.
- Plastic surgery evident.
- Married 4 times.
- Been around since god knows when. 1950s anyway.
- Just celebrated his 60th birthday in a series of sold-out Paris concerts, which much hooplah and to-do.
- Huge in France (HUGE I tell you).
- The French think he's Elvis. He isn't. But he is their Elvis-had-he-not-croaked.
- According to IMDB, "The Jimi Hendrix Experience played their very first gig as support for the French heartthrob at the Paris Olympia in October 1966." (How's that for an atrocity?)
- He has been pretty well known for interpreting American Rock 'n' Roll songs for French audiences. Here is one such example:
Laissez-Nous Twister [Twisting the Night Away]
(S. Cooke / adapted by A. Pascal)
1962
Vous avez connu le bon temps
Pour nous qui avons vingt ans
Le bon temps c'est maintenant
Et laissez-nous twister
S'agit pas de vous moquer
Arrêter de nous blâmer
Nous dansons ce qui nous plaît
Et laissez-nous twister
Ouais, twister, twister
A votre tour de danser
Twister, twister
Et laissez-nous twister
On ne vous reproche pas
Le tango ou le tcha-tcha
Continuez, c'est votre droit
Mais laissez-nous twister
Ouais, twister, twister
A votre tour de danser
Twister, twister
Et laissez-nous twister
And so on and so forth. If he heard this, Sam Cooke would laiss-er himself twist-er right into a fiery grave (instead of the three gunshot wounds he got instead).
- Johnny's real name? Jean-Philippe Smet
- Ready-made jokes using the surname Smet (courtesy of the infantile minds of Leah & Neil):
"Smet you and your sister too!"
"Careful around him. He's a real smet peddler."
"For 40 years, Johnny's been dousing his fans in smet."
"That pill has dangerous side effects: oily discharge, nausea, and viscous night smets."
"Did that guy just smet his pants?"
"Hey Ma, look at my smetty balls!"
"Wipe that smet off your face, will ya?"
"Oh my god, Dan, WHAT THE SMET IS THAT?"
"Damn, the smet has really hit the fan!"
"That boy don't know smet from shinola."
And so on and so forth.
And now.....the gallery.
Before.....
And After
See these eye-crinkles? Doc took care of those, and any semblance of humanity with them.
Jean-Paul Gaultier leather (really, he designed the outfit). For leatherfaced lotharios only.
Looking a little worse for the wear.
I'm feeling a little worse for the wear myself.
Florent Pagny
I fucking hate this guy. I really do. He takes himself really fucking seriously and cavorts about in a hairstyle even Cher would scoff at. He was involved in The Great Peroxide Spill of '02 and hasn't been told how STUPID he looks. What a cunt. He has also grown out this sparse goatee/beard which he beads at the chin like a big stringy pubic hair. It's abominable. It's also hard to capture a pic of him in his current 'do (there is one at the bottom) but you'll get a sense of his disgusting hideousness from these snapshots. Enjoy. I know I won't.
If you look like this.....kill yourself
Trying to look pensive? You're not fooling anybody.
Peek-A-Boo! Who hates you? I do.
He makes that Sugar Ray guy look cool.
Look Like a Fornicating Swivel-Eyed Little Git, Sing Like a Fornicating Swivel-Eyed Little Git:
Current Manifestation of This Sucker of Satan's Cock
(I think he looks like that thing in The Predator)
Last, but not least:
Eros Ramazzotti
Real name: Eros Luciano Walter Ramazzotti Molina (WALTER???? I dunno)
Anyway, these photos are simply too rich to escape comment. And just so I don't receive any hate-mail for making fun of the slow or mentally disabled, I will announce that Eros suffers from no medically-identifiable disorder whatsoever. He's just really fucking stupid.
Durrrr.....
Durrrr???
"Heh Heh. Blinds tickle back, make funny....."
"I like nachos....."
Shit, Another Durrrr:
"I think that....uhh....umm....wiener."
Bright Lights, Big Dummy
"Left finger, right finger, left finger, right finger....."
"Ball bounce big. Pretty ball."
Durrrr II.....The Final Reckoning
Quotes from Eros, Straight from the Horse's Mouth:
"Of course, selling records is good, but it's not fundamental. Respect to my personal life, I don't make scandals because I have a really normal life. I leave the studio, put on a pair of shorts and I go walking quietly, something that other artists can't do. I'd like to maintain this humbleness, which is an important thing for anybody that creates music."
Also:
"Everyday I have an idea. And not only for albums or songs. I want to venture out a little and explore the borders of singing, because I am already an author, musician, and I have my own studio. In fact, already I am an entrepreneur of music. I like what I make and I do what I like."
Keep up that humility, Eros.
I'd like to Ramazzotti where the sun don't shine. A zotti is like a ziti, only smaller. Check it out.
Disclaimer: I love France and fucking love the French way of life. I am moving there in a year to do my dissertation research. I love just about everything about that place, so please forgive me for itemizing a few dislikes.
The French also like Radiohead, Iggy Pop, Neil Young and David Bowie, and they appreciate the Blues a hell of a lot better than my own lousy country, so......THERE! :P