Troy McClure's "I Can't Believe They Invented It!"
So I was flipping through that Skymall catalog on my flight home. I know you've looked through it, it's either that or watch "Sweet Home Alabama" three times on the in-flight screen
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mmmmm...follow these quick steps for a happy life:
Turn your kid into a walking billboard, buy some "air", mount a fake elephant on your wall, and have your invisible coffee-table held up by a wicker monkey.
Maybe the altitude causes people to go temporarily insane?
I guess under current legislation it's still unetheical to pump a kid full of psilocybin. Jumping Funland is the only alternative it seems.
&
Tony Little is as gay as Christmas! Look at that insouciant twinkle in his eye!!!
Too bad Edison never invented stuff as utilitarian as this.
What other useful inventions exist?
Just in case you're not "feeling" the whole Skymall ethos, get yourself on their mental-plane (ho ho ho)
D.I.Y Lobotomy kit.
Republicans! I'd like to mount a few on my wall.
Here's a Norwegian invention to use with the above:
Obviously you'd have to catch those fuckers in their private swimming pools for best results. Enough blubber for everyone!
If you can afford to buy crap, you can also afford to remove your own- either for personal use or "health reasons".
Satan and some canny men with marketing nous came up with this one. In his most famois song he even mentions the word "invention", "harpoon" and another useful creation, "the candle".
YO VIP, LET'S KICK IT:
"Ice Ice Baby, Ice Ice Baby
All right stop, Collaborate and listen
Ice is back with my brand new invention
Something grabs a hold of me tightly
Then I flow like a harpoon daily and nightly
Will it ever stop? Yo - I don't know
Turn off the lights and I'll glow
To the extreme I rock a mic like a vandal
Light up a stage and wax a chump like a candle."
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