The End is Nearing
The end of my freshman year is quickly approaching.
Man oh man, it was not a good one.
Today I woke up around 3 PM and now it's 5 PM and I'm still in bed. I haven't brushed my teeth and I have no desire to really do much right now because I'm just so angry at myself for wasting my entire day in bed. I know that should motivate me to get out of bed quicker but it doesn't. I just want to close my eyes, go back to sleep, and wake up a year earlier so I could start everything over again. I think I'm depressed but it's a depression of a different sort. I don't feel like I want to die, I just don't want to be stuck inside the time I am living in right now. I want to go back and do things differently in the past or fast forward to the future. Any time but the time right now.
I am staying here in La Jolla for the summer. This is what I was planning to do at first. And then I decided it would be much better and cheaper to go home. I was all set to go home and go to classes at UCI when I find out that chem classes don't transfer at all from UCI to UCSD. Gosh dang. Now I'm going to stay at UCSD and I have yet to find a place to stay for the summer and jobs that will fit in my schedule along with summer school.
I want this school year to end. It was not a good year for me. David tells me that it's only going to get worse but I refuse to believe that. I must think positive. If things are only going to get worse, there is clearly no motivation for me to keep going. I can't wait to move in to my new room in my new apartment at the beginning of a new school year . Well 'new' meaning new to me not actually new because the on campus apartments are old. I really want to change how I live my life. Especially since I was inspired by Steve Pavlina. Man, he is one crazy dude.
Things That Suck In My Life Right Now
1. No Place to Stay for the Summer
2. No Job
3. Poop Grades
4. Gross Physical Appearance
5. A Year Behind in Coursework for major
Things That Are Awesome In My Life Right Now
1. Happy Relationship with Great Guy I Probably Don't Deserve
That is seriously all I've got going for me right now. On a random note, when I look back on things i've written, the most beautiful things come from my times of depression.
I must admit, I have indulged in and desired more materialistic things in my life recently more than I ever have before. I think reading all these fashion blogs and communities and being with David has induced this change. I used to hate shopping. I used to think spending more than $20 on anything was considered expensive and not worth my money. Now that I'm more educated, I must admit, I have indulged in and desired more materialistic things in my life recently more than I ever have before. I think reading all these fashion blogs and communities and being with David has induced this change. I used to hate shopping. I used to think spending more than $20 on anything was considered expensive and not worth my money. Now that I'm more educated about different products and brands out there, I find myself coveting more expensive things. I don't think it's a totally horrible thing. It's nice to indulge every once in awhile. Buying things I love gives me an extra bounce in my step. But if I was ignorant about everything like I was before, I sure would save a lot more money. But then again, I wouldn't be as motivated to earn more money.
Like the quote: "The best things in life are free. The second are expensive."
Man oh man, it was not a good one.
Today I woke up around 3 PM and now it's 5 PM and I'm still in bed. I haven't brushed my teeth and I have no desire to really do much right now because I'm just so angry at myself for wasting my entire day in bed. I know that should motivate me to get out of bed quicker but it doesn't. I just want to close my eyes, go back to sleep, and wake up a year earlier so I could start everything over again. I think I'm depressed but it's a depression of a different sort. I don't feel like I want to die, I just don't want to be stuck inside the time I am living in right now. I want to go back and do things differently in the past or fast forward to the future. Any time but the time right now.
I am staying here in La Jolla for the summer. This is what I was planning to do at first. And then I decided it would be much better and cheaper to go home. I was all set to go home and go to classes at UCI when I find out that chem classes don't transfer at all from UCI to UCSD. Gosh dang. Now I'm going to stay at UCSD and I have yet to find a place to stay for the summer and jobs that will fit in my schedule along with summer school.
I want this school year to end. It was not a good year for me. David tells me that it's only going to get worse but I refuse to believe that. I must think positive. If things are only going to get worse, there is clearly no motivation for me to keep going. I can't wait to move in to my new room in my new apartment at the beginning of a new school year . Well 'new' meaning new to me not actually new because the on campus apartments are old. I really want to change how I live my life. Especially since I was inspired by Steve Pavlina. Man, he is one crazy dude.
Things That Suck In My Life Right Now
1. No Place to Stay for the Summer
2. No Job
3. Poop Grades
4. Gross Physical Appearance
5. A Year Behind in Coursework for major
Things That Are Awesome In My Life Right Now
1. Happy Relationship with Great Guy I Probably Don't Deserve
That is seriously all I've got going for me right now. On a random note, when I look back on things i've written, the most beautiful things come from my times of depression.
I must admit, I have indulged in and desired more materialistic things in my life recently more than I ever have before. I think reading all these fashion blogs and communities and being with David has induced this change. I used to hate shopping. I used to think spending more than $20 on anything was considered expensive and not worth my money. Now that I'm more educated, I must admit, I have indulged in and desired more materialistic things in my life recently more than I ever have before. I think reading all these fashion blogs and communities and being with David has induced this change. I used to hate shopping. I used to think spending more than $20 on anything was considered expensive and not worth my money. Now that I'm more educated about different products and brands out there, I find myself coveting more expensive things. I don't think it's a totally horrible thing. It's nice to indulge every once in awhile. Buying things I love gives me an extra bounce in my step. But if I was ignorant about everything like I was before, I sure would save a lot more money. But then again, I wouldn't be as motivated to earn more money.
Like the quote: "The best things in life are free. The second are expensive."