Confessions of my broken heart...

[madkittin]

I wake up in the mornings and put a smile on my face, I don't let anyone know how much I'm really hurting inside. I smile and keep going, even though I feel so lost and confuzed. I try to hide my face when I cry, but sometimes someone sees. I try to cover up the lonliness with other people, but they go away just like everyone else. I spend my time nurturing my soul, but what good is it all if I have no one to share it with. I wish on every star i see that someone will come into my life and rescue me from myself. I was taking a bath just now and all the lights were out, candles lit and i was litening to music. I had my eyes closed and i swear I felt him here, It was just like all of the times he would come in when i was taking a bath...and sit down beside the tub. I got butterflys in my tumy and felt so excited and started to smile...then when I opened my eyes and realized he wasn't really there...It felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest, and this sinking feeling took over.
I know I'm not dying inside, and I know it wont always feel like this...but why do i feel like I have to hide my pain from everyone? Why do I feel so ashamed to love him as much as i do? Maybe its bcs I know he never loved me, and in a way that makes me feel embarrassed...
It's not that I want him back, bcs i don't want to be with someone who can't give me what I wnt and need...its just that it hurts that I have fallen in love with someone, spent nearly 2 years of my life with them, and will never know what its like to be loved by him...
Why is life like this, why do th ings like this happen...and when will it all stop happening to me...

I am usually never this open in my lj, bcs i dont expose my soul to just anyone, not nearly this much...be gentle.

♥ Katy