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[madison_jacobs]

I'm starting to wonder if maybe I should have taken a couple of days off and went out of town too. The other night I was patrolling with Oz and of course I had to break into song and nearly burst into flames. That is twice now that I've nearly became a human torch. Xander and everyone are freaking out. Willow, Buffy, Dylan, Des and Gia all went

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[madison_jacobs]

I'm pissed off Jackson. They DIED on me. Those who didn't die hauled ass and left me to take charge of this damn police department.

*looks away*

What do I know about being in charge? I have less experience than a lot of them and they DIED on me. I needed them and they just left me and now my senior officers are all in their twenties. We're just kids and it's not fair.

*looks up at him*

I'm tired of people dying on me.

[jack_morgann]

I know Maddy. I know.

It's okay to be mad at 'em too. I'm pissed at my parents for getting in that car after my dad had been drinking. I'm pissed at Beth, for getting sick. I pissed at my men for not coming back. Most of all I'm pissed at Paige. For letting herself feel like she had to prove something to us, make it up to us, for something she didn't have control of. For going out on that field and ending up dead.

*looks at her*

Most of all, I'm afraid. I'm afraid that I'll loose Kim and the baby and you and Grandfather. Just like I've lost everyone else.

[madison_jacobs]

*nods her head, squeezes his hand*

Yeah, exactly, God, I'm sorry Jack, that is a lot to live with.

The park, you know, the park is where I lost Candace and nearly lost Nick and thought...I thought Xan was gone. Candace's parents entrusted us to take care of her and we couldn't protect her. She was just a kid.

I kept expecting to die while we were fighting Ashmore. I'd made peace with it, but I didn't die. People died, so many of them died and I was still standing and it scared me, Jack.

*hugs him tight*

I think surviving is harder than dying.

[jack_morgann]

Trust me darlin' it is. Dyings easy, you get to have your peace. Its us who are still here, still living with their memorys burned into our head that get it the worse.

*smiles a little at her*

But I do know that the pain fade, it never is completely gone, but it fades, and you find yourself remembering the good things more than the bad. And after a while they hold this little place in you mind and you carry them happily with you. And it gets better. Not perfect but better.

[madison_jacobs]

You're right. I know you're right, but I just couldn't let the anger out before. It made me feel so...ungrateful.

*wipes at her eyes with the tissue he gives her*

Congrats, Morgann, I sang and didn't get smokey on you.

[jack_morgann]

I reckon you're gonna be alright then, Harris.

*smiles at her*

I think we screwed up somewhere. I think in the hurry to get back to normal and to get the hell out of here, that we didn't...debrief er..we didn't deal with it. We should do something. All of us. Go to Ralphs. Celebrate their lives. Have a few drinks. Something.

*shrugs*

I dunno.

[madison_jacobs]

You know, that would be awesome. I bet Ralph would like it if we asked him to help us plan it. Paige was his employee and I know we lost a lot of people, but maybe we could do...a monument, you know? Raise money with the party to go for a monument to honor everyone we lost.

[jack_morgann]

I'll talk to Ralph. See what we can set up.

*smiles*

Come of harris, I'll give you a ride home. I have some drop you car off to ya later.