Tristian and Isolde Movie Review.
Basically the whole plot of this movie revolved around sex.
They say it was love that they had.. yeah.. okay. They barely spoke to eachother throughout the whole film. Everytime they went out of their way to meet it was "Hi *bangs*"
Their love had no depth, no true feelings, merely lustful desire for eachother.
Alright, so "prince charming" (and I use that term extremely loosely) washes up on a shore. She, being the "caring and considerate" (I also use those terms very loosely) woman that she is, goes out of her way to drag him to a beach shack (with the help of her ugly maid) and then, preceeds to take off her clothes claiming that he needs warmth although its the middle of summer. Heres the thought process that went through her mind "Hmm.. start a fire, drag him outside in the sun .. orr... get naked and rub my fun bags all over him." I would expect the solution was clear.
So after he wakes up, she reads him the bible (Some verse about love, of course), bandages his wounds, and then they bang, after barely speaking 10 words.
Somewhere in that process the ugly maid got jealous.. but.. shes ugly so who cares.
I feel I have to include that when the maid took her clothes off, the whole audience started laughing.
Drama and Romance .. minus the romance. Basically a booty call.
Some sexuality eh? SOME SEXUALITY??! Thats like saying Stevie Wonder is only a LITTLE BLIND. Every occurance on which they met, they had sex, be it in a closet, a beach shack, the woods, a stone gazebo.
Okay, if Simon Francos last name is the lead actors last name, that should be your first hint not to see the film.
alright so basically then she gets married to the king of some other place and she doesnt want to bang him because she "loves" (and I use that term very loosely) Tristian. Of course, she bangs him anyway because, hes the king. She then continues to have an affair with Tristian because, of course, two penises are better than one.
I was actually quite glad when they were caught.
They picked the most inconvienent time they possibly couldve picked to go out and "mate". Tristian already knew that the king was expecting an affair from Isolde. But, Oh yeah, Tristians penis has apparently overtaken the job of thinking for him. So yeah, they get caught, blah blah, her father calls her a filthy whore, because she was.
Basically, if you want to witness a low class porno, go see it.
"Before Jennas play house, there was Tristian and Isolde"
They say it was love that they had.. yeah.. okay. They barely spoke to eachother throughout the whole film. Everytime they went out of their way to meet it was "Hi *bangs*"
Their love had no depth, no true feelings, merely lustful desire for eachother.
Alright, so "prince charming" (and I use that term extremely loosely) washes up on a shore. She, being the "caring and considerate" (I also use those terms very loosely) woman that she is, goes out of her way to drag him to a beach shack (with the help of her ugly maid) and then, preceeds to take off her clothes claiming that he needs warmth although its the middle of summer. Heres the thought process that went through her mind "Hmm.. start a fire, drag him outside in the sun .. orr... get naked and rub my fun bags all over him." I would expect the solution was clear.
So after he wakes up, she reads him the bible (Some verse about love, of course), bandages his wounds, and then they bang, after barely speaking 10 words.
Somewhere in that process the ugly maid got jealous.. but.. shes ugly so who cares.
I feel I have to include that when the maid took her clothes off, the whole audience started laughing.
Drama and Romance .. minus the romance. Basically a booty call.
Some sexuality eh? SOME SEXUALITY??! Thats like saying Stevie Wonder is only a LITTLE BLIND. Every occurance on which they met, they had sex, be it in a closet, a beach shack, the woods, a stone gazebo.
Okay, if Simon Francos last name is the lead actors last name, that should be your first hint not to see the film.
alright so basically then she gets married to the king of some other place and she doesnt want to bang him because she "loves" (and I use that term very loosely) Tristian. Of course, she bangs him anyway because, hes the king. She then continues to have an affair with Tristian because, of course, two penises are better than one.
I was actually quite glad when they were caught.
They picked the most inconvienent time they possibly couldve picked to go out and "mate". Tristian already knew that the king was expecting an affair from Isolde. But, Oh yeah, Tristians penis has apparently overtaken the job of thinking for him. So yeah, they get caught, blah blah, her father calls her a filthy whore, because she was.
Basically, if you want to witness a low class porno, go see it.
"Before Jennas play house, there was Tristian and Isolde"