(no subject)
hmmmmm
dunno what's wrong with me... but da gf's off to party with girlfriends... and that bugs me... not that she's with other girls... I trust her and all... so I think anyway... just feels like she's always having a great time while we're appart while I just keep being miserable... and that gets to me... :(
so I thought this time it'd be different... so I went out to get 3 movies, beers and chips... but I still feel like shit... :(
I can't quite put a finger on what bugs me... whether it's because she's out... I could go out... just don't have lotsa friends like she does... she keeps saying it's all up to me... but I just don't see how I'm supposed to make lifelong great and amazing friends in just about a couple of hours... while she's just had friends forever... and I've tried going out before... just ain't much fun...
I dunno if it's because it was unexpected... I tend to hate it whenever I think she's gonna spend an evening home and we'll be able to chat only to find out plans have changed and she's gonna be out partying all night... while I'm left to... well nothing... unless I find myself with incredible last minute skills all of a sudden... not likely...
grrrr I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it... :(((
maybe I'm just jealous.... plain and simple jealousy.... period... jealous she has so many friends nearby to have fun with while I have none, jealous she keeps going out whenever when I don't... jealous she keeps having fun while we're appart when I'm not having any....
pretty frustrating...
am I asking too much? guess so...
why does it feel like I keep making compromises to be there whenever she wants me but it doesn't quite feel like she's doing the same?!? she keeps saying she's selfish... and I believe she's right... guess it really gets to me when i feel like she's making me keep up with her schedule and her appointments and her needs while I'm not making her do the same...
am I really?!? maybe I am expecting her to be just as available as I am to her... maybe I'm just imagining these expectations from her while in fact there are none... maybe I am the one setting her up so high that I keep being disapointed... I dunno... not like it happens all the time... just from time to time... enough to irritate me a great deal....
I have no clue... just feels like whenever we get to connect when we're appart is when she makes herself available to me...
I try to have a life, try to be less available... but what can I say? I love her to death so I keep feeling bad for it.. and quite frankly, I'm doing a horrible job at trying to be as busy as she is...
dunno if it's really her being busy as it is me not having much... I like being busy... but with the job I have right now i tend to like having quiet times when I'm home... I dunno... grrrrr
I just feel like crap and wonder if it's wrong of me...
and i wonder if it'd be the same when we're gonna live together... I mean will she got out all the time? and if so, will I be able to go as well?!? and if so, will I wanna tag along all the time?!?
*sigh* I don't wanna trap her or anything... I like her to have her life, her friends and her stuff... but I keep having this feeling like I'm just another thing she squeezes in her agenda... and that irritates me.... :((
dunno what's wrong with me... but da gf's off to party with girlfriends... and that bugs me... not that she's with other girls... I trust her and all... so I think anyway... just feels like she's always having a great time while we're appart while I just keep being miserable... and that gets to me... :(
so I thought this time it'd be different... so I went out to get 3 movies, beers and chips... but I still feel like shit... :(
I can't quite put a finger on what bugs me... whether it's because she's out... I could go out... just don't have lotsa friends like she does... she keeps saying it's all up to me... but I just don't see how I'm supposed to make lifelong great and amazing friends in just about a couple of hours... while she's just had friends forever... and I've tried going out before... just ain't much fun...
I dunno if it's because it was unexpected... I tend to hate it whenever I think she's gonna spend an evening home and we'll be able to chat only to find out plans have changed and she's gonna be out partying all night... while I'm left to... well nothing... unless I find myself with incredible last minute skills all of a sudden... not likely...
grrrr I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it... :(((
maybe I'm just jealous.... plain and simple jealousy.... period... jealous she has so many friends nearby to have fun with while I have none, jealous she keeps going out whenever when I don't... jealous she keeps having fun while we're appart when I'm not having any....
pretty frustrating...
am I asking too much? guess so...
why does it feel like I keep making compromises to be there whenever she wants me but it doesn't quite feel like she's doing the same?!? she keeps saying she's selfish... and I believe she's right... guess it really gets to me when i feel like she's making me keep up with her schedule and her appointments and her needs while I'm not making her do the same...
am I really?!? maybe I am expecting her to be just as available as I am to her... maybe I'm just imagining these expectations from her while in fact there are none... maybe I am the one setting her up so high that I keep being disapointed... I dunno... not like it happens all the time... just from time to time... enough to irritate me a great deal....
I have no clue... just feels like whenever we get to connect when we're appart is when she makes herself available to me...
I try to have a life, try to be less available... but what can I say? I love her to death so I keep feeling bad for it.. and quite frankly, I'm doing a horrible job at trying to be as busy as she is...
dunno if it's really her being busy as it is me not having much... I like being busy... but with the job I have right now i tend to like having quiet times when I'm home... I dunno... grrrrr
I just feel like crap and wonder if it's wrong of me...
and i wonder if it'd be the same when we're gonna live together... I mean will she got out all the time? and if so, will I be able to go as well?!? and if so, will I wanna tag along all the time?!?
*sigh* I don't wanna trap her or anything... I like her to have her life, her friends and her stuff... but I keep having this feeling like I'm just another thing she squeezes in her agenda... and that irritates me.... :((