For my new LJ friend.
Recovery from anything is so much fun. On the same level of fun as slow, unsedated root canals. My addiction of choice, the one thing I actually had to work my ass off to change, was rage. There are still days when someone will mistakenly pull my trigger and I want to lash out physically or verbally. The frustrating part is that I am still, nearly three years after completing a year and a half "recovery" program, being held to account for some of my actions and decision by those who didn't know me then or now.
I had the opposite response. Instead of seeking the security of my hermit's cave, I started taking a more vocal and public role in my job and in my passions. When something happens to remind me of the ogre I was, however, all I want to do if find a hole and fall into it. That's a hard fight for me and I'm fortunate to have a family, natural legal and intentional, to stand boldly between oblivion and me. It's like they are telling me "Sure, you can run and hide like a scared little rabbit but you have to get through us first". They help me remember that the man I am now is not the same man I was.
I can't change who I was and I can't change how people think of me. I can be the man, the priest and the husband I want to be today though. And in that I take strength and courage and that is all I need...for today.
I had the opposite response. Instead of seeking the security of my hermit's cave, I started taking a more vocal and public role in my job and in my passions. When something happens to remind me of the ogre I was, however, all I want to do if find a hole and fall into it. That's a hard fight for me and I'm fortunate to have a family, natural legal and intentional, to stand boldly between oblivion and me. It's like they are telling me "Sure, you can run and hide like a scared little rabbit but you have to get through us first". They help me remember that the man I am now is not the same man I was.
I can't change who I was and I can't change how people think of me. I can be the man, the priest and the husband I want to be today though. And in that I take strength and courage and that is all I need...for today.