The rusty ramblings of me, aged 20 years and 361 days.
There are four things that scare me right now more than I've ever been scared about anything in my life.
1. Monday is my 21st birthday. It seems innocuous, it should be fairly insignificant, but it's just proof of the fact that you just continue getting older and older until you die. I've always been scared about death. And somehow this inane fear that I thought I got rid of when I was about 12 has come back. 21's not old. But it's one big milestone closer to death.
2. Tomorrow I get the results of my 2nd year Scandinavian exams. It's only two results, but I'll be lucky if I've even passed one of the modules. I'm scared that I've fucked up this year just like I fucked up the last. I'll be excrutiatingly happy if I get just 40% for the Scandinavian lit module, but at the same time it's a signal that all hopes of a first overall are completely and utterly gone. And I know I have no one to blame but myself.
3. The contract of our house runs out in August, meaning I have two more months of rent to pay. I'm not going to be living here for those last two months, but I can't do anything about it. I'm just going to have to suck it up and pay an additional £1300 for something I don't even need. I don't have £1300.
4. One word: Pregnancy.
1. Monday is my 21st birthday. It seems innocuous, it should be fairly insignificant, but it's just proof of the fact that you just continue getting older and older until you die. I've always been scared about death. And somehow this inane fear that I thought I got rid of when I was about 12 has come back. 21's not old. But it's one big milestone closer to death.
2. Tomorrow I get the results of my 2nd year Scandinavian exams. It's only two results, but I'll be lucky if I've even passed one of the modules. I'm scared that I've fucked up this year just like I fucked up the last. I'll be excrutiatingly happy if I get just 40% for the Scandinavian lit module, but at the same time it's a signal that all hopes of a first overall are completely and utterly gone. And I know I have no one to blame but myself.
3. The contract of our house runs out in August, meaning I have two more months of rent to pay. I'm not going to be living here for those last two months, but I can't do anything about it. I'm just going to have to suck it up and pay an additional £1300 for something I don't even need. I don't have £1300.
4. One word: Pregnancy.