Grief
Dearest reader
I have lost a great deal in the past year. I have lost two great uncles in january 2015 a grandma in octobet 2015 and greay grandma just this month. My grandmas helped raise me from a very young age. Infantcy in fact. I remeber them deeply and fondly. They are always present in my life and with out them j feel this void i cant explain.
I go to the store and see their favorite candy or something they used daily that i was always going to get for them. I see their photos and hear their voice. Yet its just a memory i hold on too.
I know they are no longer suffering. This world was a burden upon their bodies and they are at peace in their eternal rest. We are born to die yet its what we leave behind with the ones we knew is what counts.
Now i know its illogical to feel so yet i do. I feel guilt for missing them for grieving the. Its just a grandma to me. Not my mother or sister but a mere grandma. I feel guilt because i am just a grandchild and i dont deserve to grieve as their spouse or the children do. It is their grief and i am selfish to think j have a right to that. I am selfish because i miss their presence in a way i cant explain knowing theh are home with their loved ones not suffering. I dont want them suffering so i must let go. I mustnt grieve it is selfish to wish they were here knowing it only mean torment for them. I know that they are far better off on the other side than here and i am okay with that. I keep telling myself that. They dont want me to be said because they are gone but because they lived.
They lived a full life. My life was amazing because they were in it. These two women help shape me into who i am today. They loved me no matter what. I was their grandchild. Their nickname for me. They held me close when i lost my dad and loved me when i came out...stood by me when i was a troubled child working therough her own grief.
I celebrate their life lived. I charish what they gave me thay no one can ever take from me. For i dont go to shed tears they are gone i go for the memories. To remember them. I dont cry because i miss them i cry because im glad they no longer hurt. They will always be a part of me. They were greeted by loved ones galore when they crossed the vail of life and death. They were greeted with love and peace untold. Never to know the pain of that life again and to be healed and whole again.i cry because even though they are gone from my touch they walk with me every where i go in spirit.
So pardon my selfish rant on missing my loved ones know i am working getting my heart to accept what my head already knows