(no subject)
5:22 a.m.
the next wave of pain has hit me. i'm awake and crying.
i'm so confused and have no idea what's going on.
yesterday is a blur. everything was fine and normal and then suddenly not.
he e-mailed me in the morning. called me babe and said lots of love. we made plans for this weekend. to go bowling on saturday with my friends, and to a bar on firday with his friends. i don't get it.
he doesn't know either.
i'm so embarrassed. i bawled like a baby and he held me. why did he hold me when he doesn't want me?
i should have known it wasn't going to work out. he isn't a relationship person and i'm unlovable, unreasonable. i'm difficult and moody. and a loser. i guess i'm not a relationship person.
god i feel stupid.
would it have been different if i hadn't gone home to change? if we'd just gone to the movies? i keep replaying it over in my head and trying to figure it out. where did i go wrong? i don't know and he doesn't either.
or he does and just wouldn't tell me.
i wonder what people are saying now. you know after a relationship ends everyone tells you what they really thought. what are they saying about me?
i'm still in shock. and numb.
it doesn't make sense to me, and my mind in on overdrive trying to figure it out. i just wish i knew why.
i can come up with a million reasons. but they all are against me and my family gets mad when i do that. but it must have been me, we were going to the movies and everything was the same as normal.
i'm so embarrassed and disgusted with myself.
the wave has ended and i am numb. i just sit here.. wondering.
what did i do to deserve this?
the next wave of pain has hit me. i'm awake and crying.
i'm so confused and have no idea what's going on.
yesterday is a blur. everything was fine and normal and then suddenly not.
he e-mailed me in the morning. called me babe and said lots of love. we made plans for this weekend. to go bowling on saturday with my friends, and to a bar on firday with his friends. i don't get it.
he doesn't know either.
i'm so embarrassed. i bawled like a baby and he held me. why did he hold me when he doesn't want me?
i should have known it wasn't going to work out. he isn't a relationship person and i'm unlovable, unreasonable. i'm difficult and moody. and a loser. i guess i'm not a relationship person.
god i feel stupid.
would it have been different if i hadn't gone home to change? if we'd just gone to the movies? i keep replaying it over in my head and trying to figure it out. where did i go wrong? i don't know and he doesn't either.
or he does and just wouldn't tell me.
i wonder what people are saying now. you know after a relationship ends everyone tells you what they really thought. what are they saying about me?
i'm still in shock. and numb.
it doesn't make sense to me, and my mind in on overdrive trying to figure it out. i just wish i knew why.
i can come up with a million reasons. but they all are against me and my family gets mad when i do that. but it must have been me, we were going to the movies and everything was the same as normal.
i'm so embarrassed and disgusted with myself.
the wave has ended and i am numb. i just sit here.. wondering.
what did i do to deserve this?