Star Trek: Deja Vu
Star Trek: Déjà Vu
Star Trek: Trying Too Hard
Star Trek: Into Darkness
Really, really thought this would be like the first reboot, and desperately wanted to enjoy the experience - hence paying for IMAX and wearing 3D glasses which dug into my face - but J.J. Abrams’ sequel is a plagiaristic, brash and dumbed-down prime example of Hollywood ‘style over substance’. The first Star Trek film stands as a satisfying nod to the original series, reworking the characters and the Enterprise for a new generation, but with a creative plot twist (Nero resetting time and creating an alternate reality). The follow up is basically a rehash of Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, right down to shamelessly recreating iconic scenes and lines (‘Khaaaan!’), only without the pathos of the original. In WOK, the crew of the Enterprise have already been through the five year mission together, and are established colleagues and friends. The cast is also established, and the audience cares about what happens to them. In the sequel, Kirk et al, who were thrown together to battle Nero in the first film, have their first proper mission aboard the ship aborted because Pine’s Kirk is an immature space cowboy who shouldn’t be anywhere near the captain’s chair. The film is once again focused on an emergency mission, this time to stop ‘John Harrison’ - so how long, exactly, have these people had to bond with each other, to the point where Kirk goes from calling Spock ‘Pointy’ to Spock crying over losing Kirk? Abrams was seemingly so desperate to balance the admittedly breathtaking special effects with character depth and feeling that he had to resort to copy and pasting the original films, but I wasn’t falling for any of his tricks this time around. In order of personal grievance:
1. Replication is not the sincerest form of imitation
Star Trek has donated many catchphrases to the urban lexicon, from the authentic (‘He’s dead, Jim’) to the misquoted (‘Beam me up, Scotty’), but the new film is absolutely littered with ‘borrowed’ dialogue. Some lines might produce a quirk of amusement for the dedicated TOS fan (‘Shut up, Spock, we’re rescuing you’), but blatantly ripping off the ‘good of the many’/’Khan!’ wording from WOK was just shameful. Particularly when the reversal-of-character radiation poisoning scene stomped all over the emotional impact of the original.
Oh, and there is absolutely no reason why a reboot set in an alternate reality must follow - in some instances to the letter - the plot of the source material. Abrams proved this point with his first film, but obviously got lazy when coming up with part two. Into Darkness is basically ‘Space Seed’ - the episode from the original series which establishes Khan’s backstory, and the reason why he’s so pissed with the crew in the film - and Wrath of Khan, with the single deviation of casting a popular English actor in the place of Ricardo Montalban. Even Carol Marcus - also replete with an English accent - makes an appearance (so she can take off her clothes and share meaningful looks with Kirk). Why? There isn’t even a different outcome, except that Kirk swaps places with Spock behind the glass.
2. Benedict Cumberbatch
I see what you did there, Mr Abrams. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against the actor and he puts in a dramatic performance, but I suspect that Sherlock was cast on the strength of his loyal following, who would no doubt pay to stand and watch him on a 3D poster all day. He plays Khan - whoops! - in the time-honoured style of the generic film villain, all deep (and correctly accented) voice and glowering stare, but there is nothing groundbreaking about his role. Unless you are a ‘Cumberbitch’, of course, willing to watch a geeky sci-fi remake simply because of the hyper-promoted presence of your favourite star. Then he becomes the ‘best villain EVER!’
3. Purely coincidental
Pine, Quinto and Urban are very attractive and they do share a comfortable screen chemistry, but captain, science officer and doctor material they are not. Kirk is obviously based on the common stereotype of the original character, not the introspective and romantic idealist of the original series portrayed by William Shatner. Greenwood’s Pike, until he succumbs to the inevitable, is more my idea of a Starfleet captain, not the upstart poster boy who pouts until he gets his toys back. Zachary Quinto does the best he can with Abrams’ humanized take on Spock, but lacks the hidden depths that Leonard Nimoy brought to the role. And pairing Spock off with Uhura is fine, but would the controlled and professional Vulcan first officer really choose to indulge in such a private moment while flying into battle against the Klingons? Uhura tells Kirk - her superior officer! - to wait until she has finished dressing down her boyfriend for risking his life, before Spock follows up her mood swing by openly declaring his feelings! When did Star Trek turn into a romcom? Zoe Saldana is beautiful and a talented actress, but Abrams has once again betrayed the original character. Instead of Nichelle Nicholl’s inner strength, we get a manipulative girlfriend and a gun-toting action babe. Oh, and Karl Urban was woefully underused, but even so, needed to tone down the frown.
4. Uh huh huh huh
That’s my impression of (Beavis and) Butt-head, accurately capturing the level of character development and humour in this film. There is a random scene thrown in, after the high-octane, epilepsy-inducing opening action sequence, where Kirk wakes up in bed with two girls. Just because. Carol Marcus strips down to her underwear. Just because. Uhura tells Kirk that she and Spock are fighting, and Kirk asks, ‘What is that even like?’ in his best Chandler Bing impersonation. Not only is McCoy constantly sniping at Spock, missing the playful spirit of friendship from the original series, but Kirk actually calls his first officer ‘Pointy’ when they are arguing in Pike’s office. And he’s the captain!
But I think we agree that reducing the female characters to love interests and bikini models, while making the male officers sound like teenage boys, is adequately balanced by Kirk, Spock, Pike and even Khan shedding some heart-warming metrosexual tears along the way.
5. The tribble
The hell? When McCoy injected the dead tribble with Khan’s superhuman blood and then brought Kirk back from the dead by sampling the tribble to inject into the captain, I didn’t know whether to roll my eyes, snort with laughter, or just crawl out of the cinema in shame. There are ‘nods’, there are ‘in-jokes’, and then there is J.J. Abrams, boldly going where even the original series feared to tread.
6. Captain Pike
Is he subverting the damsel in distress trope here, because I swear he also spent the previous film lying critically injured on his back while looking scared but sounding brave. At least this time was the last time (I damn well hope, for the sake of Bruce Greenwood’s career).
7. The uniforms
Give me velour sweaters and bell bottoms over skinny jeans and biker boots any day. And Bones’ sky blue medbay get-up made him look like Lady Bird Johnson. How can anyone get such a timeless uniform so wrong?
In conclusion:
I know what Abrams was trying to achieve, and I’m sure that, for the new generation of Star Trek fans - and the Cumberbitches - he succeeded. But after watching and really starting to appreciate the style and intelligence of the original show, Into Darkness could only ever rate as a very expensive, aesthetically pleasing, fast paced parody. J.J. Abrams even admitted that he ‘never liked Star Trek as a kid’ and that ‘the goal was to make a movie for movie-goers and not just Star Trek fans’. If by that he means cashing in on a franchise that has endured nigh on over half a century by pirating existing characters and plots, swapping a vision of the future for a montage of explosions and fight scenes, and pissing off a loyal fanbase, then yes, congratulations, Mr Abrams. Job done.