black-dove(january)
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So I'm sitting here wondering why I bother to do this. All I feel is a neverending sense of being a little out of sync. A half-assed attempt at a person. Some time you won't hear another thing from me. Will you bat an eye? Maybe. I think I know why poets drink themselves to death and artists mutilate themselves. Not for their art. because of it. because they know they're too different. I'm not even afforded that escape. no talent. all i can do is process thought into this self-serving drudgery of a journal. and that not real well. ah fuck it im not up for this right now
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so its new years eve and we found something to do. im psyched.
not dressing up quite as crazy as we had planned -- we decided to save that for next wed. so the vinyl knee highs and plaid green skirt with the chain will have to wait a few more nights before being sported.
is sported a word?
it was so nice to wake up in my house this morning with NOONE there. i could blast Tori while i took a bath and it was just easier.
im coming to work on friday i think -- maybe. i havent decided if im going to request the day off yet.
so indecisive crystal. did i spell that right? most likely not.
so last night
i almost watched requiem for a dream by myself in the dark. but i didnt feel that would help my current state. so i made a phone call and was on the phone for at least an hour while i took a bath, put on lotion and then pjs and crawled into bed. feeling quite sedated and fuzzy.
then i just passed out and had crazy dreams about hotels and changing hotel rooms
and then a sad dream about shaun
ok well i just wanted to update to say happy new years eve
so here it is
happy new years eve
So I'm sitting here wondering why I bother to do this. All I feel is a neverending sense of being a little out of sync. A half-assed attempt at a person. Some time you won't hear another thing from me. Will you bat an eye? Maybe. I think I know why poets drink themselves to death and artists mutilate themselves. Not for their art. because of it. because they know they're too different. I'm not even afforded that escape. no talent. all i can do is process thought into this self-serving drudgery of a journal. and that not real well. ah fuck it im not up for this right now
****************
so its new years eve and we found something to do. im psyched.
not dressing up quite as crazy as we had planned -- we decided to save that for next wed. so the vinyl knee highs and plaid green skirt with the chain will have to wait a few more nights before being sported.
is sported a word?
it was so nice to wake up in my house this morning with NOONE there. i could blast Tori while i took a bath and it was just easier.
im coming to work on friday i think -- maybe. i havent decided if im going to request the day off yet.
so indecisive crystal. did i spell that right? most likely not.
so last night
i almost watched requiem for a dream by myself in the dark. but i didnt feel that would help my current state. so i made a phone call and was on the phone for at least an hour while i took a bath, put on lotion and then pjs and crawled into bed. feeling quite sedated and fuzzy.
then i just passed out and had crazy dreams about hotels and changing hotel rooms
and then a sad dream about shaun
ok well i just wanted to update to say happy new years eve
so here it is
happy new years eve