go ask alice
My Dear Precious Friend --
I am so grateful that they would let Mom bring you to me in your padlocked little case. I was terribly embarrassed when the nurse made me dump both of you out and my extra pencils and pens. But I guess they were just being careful and checking to see that you werent filled with drugs of one sort or another. I dont even feel real. I must be somebody else. I still cant believe that this has actually happened to me. The window is filled with heavy wires. I guess that is better than bars but I still know that I am in some kind of hospital jail.
I have tried to piece the whole thing together but I can't. The nurses and doctors keep telling me I will feel better, but I still can't get straight. I can't close my eyes because the worms are still crawling on me. They are eating me. They are crawling through my nose and gnawing into my mouth and oh God...I must put you back in your case because the maggots are crawling off my bleeding writhing hands onto you. I will lock you in. You will be safe.
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A fly got into my room today and I couldn't stop screaming. I was so afraid that he was going to lay more maggot eggs on my face and hands and body. It took two nurses to kill him. I can't let flies get on me. Maybe I will have to stop sleeping.
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I found out how I got the acid. Dad says that someone put it on the chocolate covered peanuts and I guess that's right because I remember eating the peanuts after I'd washed the baby. At the time I thought Mr. Larsen had left me a surprise. But now that I think about it I dont remember why I thought Mr. Larsen had been there and had gone withought saying anything, That part is blank. Actually I'm amazed that I remember anything. But I guess no matter wat kind o fdamage I pile on myself, my mind keeps working. The doctor says that's normal because it really takes a lot of knock your brains loose permanently. I hope thats right because I feel like I've taken alot already.
Anyway, I remember that the candy reminded me of Gramps because he was always eating chocolate peanut clusters, And I remember starting to get dizzy and sick to my stomach. I guess I tried to call Mom to ask her to come over and get me and the baby when I realized somebody had somehow tripped me. Its all very unclear because when I try to think back its like I'm looking through fuzzy colored lights but I do remember trying to dial home and taking eternities to get each number to the end. I think the line was busy and I dont really remember what happened next except that I was screaming and Gramps was there to help me, but his body was dripping with blazing multi-colored worms and maggots which fell on the floor behind him. He tried to pick me up but only a skeleton remained of his hands and arms. The rest had been picked clean by the wriggling, writhing, slithering, busily eating worms which seethed on his every part. They were eating and they wouldnt stop. His two eye sockets were teeming with while soft bodied, creeping animals which were burrowing in and out of his flesh and which were phosphorescent and swirled into one another. The worms and parasites started creeping and crawling and running towards the baby's room and I tried to stomp on them and beath them to death with my hands but they multiplied faster than I could kill them. And they began crawling on my own hands and arms and face and body. They were in my nose and my mouth and my throat, choking me, strangling me. Tapeworms, larva, grubs, disintegrating my flesh, crawling on me, consuming me.
Gramps was calling me but I could no leave the baby, nor did I want to go with him for he fightened me and nauseated me. He was so badly eatenI could barely recognize him. He kept pointing to a casket next to his and I tried to get away but thousands of other dead things and people were pushing me insideand forcing the lid down on me. I was screaming and trying to claw my way out of the casket, but they wouldnt let me go.
From the shape I'm in now I guess when I tried to get the worms off me, hunks of flesh and hair came out in my own hands. How I cracked me head I dont know. Maybe I was trying to breathe bummer out of my skull, I really don't remember it seems like such a long time ago and writing this down has made me incredibly tired. I have never been this tired in my life.
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The little girl I told you about yesterday is in the room next to mine. Shes thirteen and always seems on the verge of tears. When I asked her how long shes been here she said "Forever, simply forever"
At dinner time she walked with me to the place where we eat and we sat together, not eating, at one of the long tables. The rest of the evening we were left to wander around the ward with nowhere to go and nothing to do. I desperatly want to tell Mom and Dad what its like here but I wont. It would only make them worry more.
One older woman in the ward is a lecherous alcoholic and she frightens me but I'm worried even more for Babbie. Whats to keep this dirty creature from making passes at us? She made some gestures as we passed her tonight and I asked Babbie if we couldnt do something about her. But Babbie just shrugged and said we could report her but it would be better to just ignore her.
Then something really weird and terrifying happened. We were sitting in one of the "recreation" rooms watching the others watch us. It was like monkeys watching monkeys when I asked Babbie if she wouldnt rather talk in my room. She said we werent allowed to have sex in our rooms but we could manage it in the storeroom tomorrow. I didnt know what to say! She thought I was trying to seduce her and I was so stunned I couldnt say anything. Later I tried to explain but she just started talking about herself as if I wasnt even there.
She said shes thirteen and that she had been on drugs for two years. Her parents were divorced
when she was 10 and she was sent to live with her father who's a contractor and who's remarried. I guess things were alright for a while but she was jealous of her new stepmothers children and felt like an outsider, a stranger. Then she began spending more and more time away from home, telling her stepmother that she was having trouble with school and had to go to the library etc. The usual excuses, when actually she was only going to school about half the time. But she was still bringing home good grades so her parents didnt seem to interested. Finally the school called because she was out so much. But she told her father that the school was so big and crowded that they didnt know who was there and who wasnt. I dont know why her father believed that one, but I guess he did. It was probably too much trouble not to.
Anyway what was really going on was that Babbie had been introduced to drugs by some 32 year old man she met in a matinee movie. She didnt tell me the details but I guess he introduced her to drugs and to the life in general. A few months later he floated away and she found it was very easy to meet other men. In fact at 12 she was already a baby prostitute.. She told me all of this so quietly I felt like ripping my heart out. But even if I'd cried(which I didn't), I dont think she would have noticed, she was so out of it.
After she had been on drugs for about a year, her bright eyed parents became suspicious. But even then they didnt deal with her head-on. They just started asking alot of questions and bugging her, so she robbed the next man she met at the movies and took a bus to L.A. A friend had told her that it was never any trouble for BP's to get by and, according to Babbie, that friend was right. On her second day in L.A. she was wandering around when she met a "friend", a beautifully dressed woman who took her to an apartment on ___________ Boulevard. When she got there, there were some girls her age in the living room and pills all over the place in candy dishes. Within half an hour she was completley stoned.
Later, when she came back down, the woman said she could live there and go to school. She said she only had to work for her two hours a day - mostly in the afternoons. So the next day she registered in school as the womans neice and began living as a high class BP. The woman had four neices staying with her while Babbie lived there. The chauffeur took them to school and picked them up and they never saw any of the money they made. Babbie said they just sat in the apartment like monkeys most of the time, never talking and never going anywhere.
It sounded so unbelieveable that I tried to ask her questions, but she kept right on talking and she was so sad and distant that I think she was really telling the truth. Besides after what I've been through, I think I'd believe anything. Isnt that sad, to be in a spot where everything is so unbelieveable but you'd still believe anything?
Anyway, after a few weeks, Babbie ran away and hitchhiked to San Fran. But in SF four guys beat her up and raped her. When she tried to panhandle some money to call home - noone would give her any. She said she would have crawled home and let them chain her in the closet but when I asked her why she hadnt gone to the police or the hospital, she just started yelling and spitting on the floor.
Later I guess she finally reached her parents, but by the time they got to San Francisco she had wondered off with some guy who had set up his own lab to make LSD. They both got mixed up in some communal shit and eventually she landed here just like me.
-------------------------------------------------------
I am so grateful that they would let Mom bring you to me in your padlocked little case. I was terribly embarrassed when the nurse made me dump both of you out and my extra pencils and pens. But I guess they were just being careful and checking to see that you werent filled with drugs of one sort or another. I dont even feel real. I must be somebody else. I still cant believe that this has actually happened to me. The window is filled with heavy wires. I guess that is better than bars but I still know that I am in some kind of hospital jail.
I have tried to piece the whole thing together but I can't. The nurses and doctors keep telling me I will feel better, but I still can't get straight. I can't close my eyes because the worms are still crawling on me. They are eating me. They are crawling through my nose and gnawing into my mouth and oh God...I must put you back in your case because the maggots are crawling off my bleeding writhing hands onto you. I will lock you in. You will be safe.
-------------------------------------------------------
A fly got into my room today and I couldn't stop screaming. I was so afraid that he was going to lay more maggot eggs on my face and hands and body. It took two nurses to kill him. I can't let flies get on me. Maybe I will have to stop sleeping.
-------------------------------------------------------
I found out how I got the acid. Dad says that someone put it on the chocolate covered peanuts and I guess that's right because I remember eating the peanuts after I'd washed the baby. At the time I thought Mr. Larsen had left me a surprise. But now that I think about it I dont remember why I thought Mr. Larsen had been there and had gone withought saying anything, That part is blank. Actually I'm amazed that I remember anything. But I guess no matter wat kind o fdamage I pile on myself, my mind keeps working. The doctor says that's normal because it really takes a lot of knock your brains loose permanently. I hope thats right because I feel like I've taken alot already.
Anyway, I remember that the candy reminded me of Gramps because he was always eating chocolate peanut clusters, And I remember starting to get dizzy and sick to my stomach. I guess I tried to call Mom to ask her to come over and get me and the baby when I realized somebody had somehow tripped me. Its all very unclear because when I try to think back its like I'm looking through fuzzy colored lights but I do remember trying to dial home and taking eternities to get each number to the end. I think the line was busy and I dont really remember what happened next except that I was screaming and Gramps was there to help me, but his body was dripping with blazing multi-colored worms and maggots which fell on the floor behind him. He tried to pick me up but only a skeleton remained of his hands and arms. The rest had been picked clean by the wriggling, writhing, slithering, busily eating worms which seethed on his every part. They were eating and they wouldnt stop. His two eye sockets were teeming with while soft bodied, creeping animals which were burrowing in and out of his flesh and which were phosphorescent and swirled into one another. The worms and parasites started creeping and crawling and running towards the baby's room and I tried to stomp on them and beath them to death with my hands but they multiplied faster than I could kill them. And they began crawling on my own hands and arms and face and body. They were in my nose and my mouth and my throat, choking me, strangling me. Tapeworms, larva, grubs, disintegrating my flesh, crawling on me, consuming me.
Gramps was calling me but I could no leave the baby, nor did I want to go with him for he fightened me and nauseated me. He was so badly eatenI could barely recognize him. He kept pointing to a casket next to his and I tried to get away but thousands of other dead things and people were pushing me insideand forcing the lid down on me. I was screaming and trying to claw my way out of the casket, but they wouldnt let me go.
From the shape I'm in now I guess when I tried to get the worms off me, hunks of flesh and hair came out in my own hands. How I cracked me head I dont know. Maybe I was trying to breathe bummer out of my skull, I really don't remember it seems like such a long time ago and writing this down has made me incredibly tired. I have never been this tired in my life.
-------------------------------------------------------
The little girl I told you about yesterday is in the room next to mine. Shes thirteen and always seems on the verge of tears. When I asked her how long shes been here she said "Forever, simply forever"
At dinner time she walked with me to the place where we eat and we sat together, not eating, at one of the long tables. The rest of the evening we were left to wander around the ward with nowhere to go and nothing to do. I desperatly want to tell Mom and Dad what its like here but I wont. It would only make them worry more.
One older woman in the ward is a lecherous alcoholic and she frightens me but I'm worried even more for Babbie. Whats to keep this dirty creature from making passes at us? She made some gestures as we passed her tonight and I asked Babbie if we couldnt do something about her. But Babbie just shrugged and said we could report her but it would be better to just ignore her.
Then something really weird and terrifying happened. We were sitting in one of the "recreation" rooms watching the others watch us. It was like monkeys watching monkeys when I asked Babbie if she wouldnt rather talk in my room. She said we werent allowed to have sex in our rooms but we could manage it in the storeroom tomorrow. I didnt know what to say! She thought I was trying to seduce her and I was so stunned I couldnt say anything. Later I tried to explain but she just started talking about herself as if I wasnt even there.
She said shes thirteen and that she had been on drugs for two years. Her parents were divorced
when she was 10 and she was sent to live with her father who's a contractor and who's remarried. I guess things were alright for a while but she was jealous of her new stepmothers children and felt like an outsider, a stranger. Then she began spending more and more time away from home, telling her stepmother that she was having trouble with school and had to go to the library etc. The usual excuses, when actually she was only going to school about half the time. But she was still bringing home good grades so her parents didnt seem to interested. Finally the school called because she was out so much. But she told her father that the school was so big and crowded that they didnt know who was there and who wasnt. I dont know why her father believed that one, but I guess he did. It was probably too much trouble not to.
Anyway what was really going on was that Babbie had been introduced to drugs by some 32 year old man she met in a matinee movie. She didnt tell me the details but I guess he introduced her to drugs and to the life in general. A few months later he floated away and she found it was very easy to meet other men. In fact at 12 she was already a baby prostitute.. She told me all of this so quietly I felt like ripping my heart out. But even if I'd cried(which I didn't), I dont think she would have noticed, she was so out of it.
After she had been on drugs for about a year, her bright eyed parents became suspicious. But even then they didnt deal with her head-on. They just started asking alot of questions and bugging her, so she robbed the next man she met at the movies and took a bus to L.A. A friend had told her that it was never any trouble for BP's to get by and, according to Babbie, that friend was right. On her second day in L.A. she was wandering around when she met a "friend", a beautifully dressed woman who took her to an apartment on ___________ Boulevard. When she got there, there were some girls her age in the living room and pills all over the place in candy dishes. Within half an hour she was completley stoned.
Later, when she came back down, the woman said she could live there and go to school. She said she only had to work for her two hours a day - mostly in the afternoons. So the next day she registered in school as the womans neice and began living as a high class BP. The woman had four neices staying with her while Babbie lived there. The chauffeur took them to school and picked them up and they never saw any of the money they made. Babbie said they just sat in the apartment like monkeys most of the time, never talking and never going anywhere.
It sounded so unbelieveable that I tried to ask her questions, but she kept right on talking and she was so sad and distant that I think she was really telling the truth. Besides after what I've been through, I think I'd believe anything. Isnt that sad, to be in a spot where everything is so unbelieveable but you'd still believe anything?
Anyway, after a few weeks, Babbie ran away and hitchhiked to San Fran. But in SF four guys beat her up and raped her. When she tried to panhandle some money to call home - noone would give her any. She said she would have crawled home and let them chain her in the closet but when I asked her why she hadnt gone to the police or the hospital, she just started yelling and spitting on the floor.
Later I guess she finally reached her parents, but by the time they got to San Francisco she had wondered off with some guy who had set up his own lab to make LSD. They both got mixed up in some communal shit and eventually she landed here just like me.
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