Fic (and Art) - Heartstrings (J2 AU) Part Two
Heartstrings (Part Two)
He can't sleep that night, and he doesn't feel like running or taking anything out on his punching bag either. The quinoa in his fridge doesn't feel appetising at all, nor do any of the protein shakes or fruit smoothies, or even the organic veggies in his cooler. All Jensen can thing about is cold beer and pepperoni pizza.
He has to google a nearby pizza delivery service because he can't actually remember the last time he allowed himself to eat one. After phoning in an order, he pulls on a baggy hoodie and sweat pants, and picks up a six-pack of beer from the liquor store down the street, trying not to think about Jared the whole time.
When he gets back, he opens a beer and flops down onto the couch and calls his mom. She's happy to hear from him, and even though he doesn't go into any details about Jared or their fight, she's always been far too good at reading him.
“Your sister and I, we're worried about you. I know you feel like ever since your Daddy left, you're the man of the house, and that you have to take care of us. But honey, all we need is for you to take care of you.”
“Mom-”
“I'm serious, Jensen. You work too hard, and you're driving yourself into the ground. I just worry that you're missing out on so much. Life is for living.”
After they hang up, he can't shake her words out of his head, and when the pizza guys shows he tips way too much and then stuffs his face with saturated fats, gluten, and who knows what else. He groans, because damn, this is good pizza and he really needs to just chill out and let himself eat more of this!
It can't be a coincidence that two different people have said pretty much the same thing to him in the space of 24 hours, can it?
Scrubbing greasy fingers into his hair and over his face, he pulls his laptop across the coffee table and types Jared Padalecki's Music into the search engine, scrolling through a long list of music videos and live performances. He clicks on one at random.
It's a live performance, in what looks like a small and smoky bar. It's old, because Jared looks younger, his face less angled, and his eyes brighter. He's wearing a black deep v-neck T-shirt, muscles toned, and tanned skin painted with familiar tattoos. He's sitting on a tall stool, jeans torn and frayed at his knees, boots unlaced, and his guitar is resting comfortably on his thigh. He smiles shyly at the audience, pushes his still too long hair out of his face, and says his name into the microphone.
Jensen's not sure what he expected, but it's definitely not the soft guitar riff that Jared's playing, long fingers moving expertly along the strings. He sings about a lonely boy with a dream, and a family who doesn't understand him. He sings about lost hopes and forgotten fantasies; about a boy who's alone in the world.
Jensen listens to a dozen more songs, some louder and angrier, full of drums and loud guitar riffs played effortlessly by Jared. But some of the songs are quieter, sung from the heart with beautiful lyrics.
Then before he can stop himself, Jensen is expanding his search and reading interviews and articles about Jared; some from when he first started, some more up to date. He finds out that Jared worked hard to get his first record label, that his parents pretty much disowned him for quitting college to do it, and that much of his early work was acoustic with the odd rock song mixed in. But then his popularity grew, and somewhere along the line Jared stopped writing his songs and became a rock star cliché; sex, drugs, and rock and roll.
After listening to twenty songs, some of which Jensen vaguely recognizes from background radio music, and reading pretty much everything he can find, Jensen's eaten the whole pizza, and his belly is full and satisfied. He falls asleep on his couch with Jared's music playing in his ears.
Jensen goes to work the next day with a plan; he's going to apologise, and he's going to tell Jared that he went too far, that he's sorry, but that it doesn't change the medical facts about Jared's recovery.
He gets in early for his shift, only to find Jared's room is empty; his gut clenches, and he feels like he's going to throw up.
The bed is unmade, the IV pole is missing, but Jared's medical chart is still on the edge of the bed. Picking it up, a pit in his stomach the size of Texas, brain running through every possible complication that could have happened, Jensen scans the records and sees no signs of life-threatening setbacks. Nothing.
Heart still racing, and blood pressure slowly returning to normal, Jensen leaves the room and walks down the corridor.
That's when he hears Jared's easy and relaxed laugh from the end of the ward as he shuffles out of one of the other patient rooms, his fingers wrapped around the pole of his IV, knuckles white as he clings tightly. He's wearing a loose white T-shirt, and light blue hospital issue pants, and he's slumped forward slightly, not standing to his full height, his injured hand hovering protectively over his stomach.
Felicia, the other nurse on staff, follows closely behind him, watching as his slippered feet walk slowly along the grey floor tiles. Jensen can't quite hear what she's saying, but they're both smiling, and laughing gently.
“Look who's up and walking!” Felicia says when she sees Jensen watching them, running a hand through her bright red pixie-cut.
So, Jensen can add forgetful and over-reacting mother hen to the list of his bad nurse qualities. Of course Jared should be up and walking by now, and of course Felicia had mentioned at their last shift change meeting that she would take Jared 'out for a spin'; her words, not his.
“She's a drill sergeant!” Jared's shuffling towards his room, hair falling into his face. “I mean I wanted to get out of there, but all the way to the bottom of the corridor and back, is surely pushing it for my first official outing!”
“Yeah, yeah, Jared.” Felicia tucks herself under Jared's arm and encourages him to straighten his back just a little, which is exactly what Jensen was about to suggest. “Say what you want, but I know my patients, and I knew you could do it! So you owe me; what was it that we agreed on? Oh yeah, every single one of your jello cups.”
Jared's eyes are sparkling when he turns to look at Jensen. “Did you hear that? My own nurse is trying to steal vital nutrition from my healing body!”
“I'm pretty sure that there is no nutritional value whatsoever in jello.”
Jared rises in eyebrows in mock surprise. “Even the green ones?”
“Yes, Jared,” Jensen says, smile growing with every word, “even the green ones.”
Looking at Felicia, who keeps shifting her gaze knowingly from Jared to Jensen and then back, Jensen clears his throat. “I'll get Jared back into his room, and I'll catch you in a minute for the shift change meeting.”
Felicia nods, a mischievous smile curling the corner of her lip as she heads to the nurses' station.
Jensen holds the door open for Jared, who walks slowly inside, slightly out of breath as he lowers himself carefully onto the edge of the bed, hand still gripping the IV pole.
“I, er, about yesterday,” Jensen says nervously, knotting his fingers together as he stands just to the side of Jared. “I shouldn't have said what I said, not in those words anyway, it just wasn't professional of me, and I owe you an apology-”
“Jensen-”
“Because while I meant what I said about the lifestyle change, I didn't mean to insinuate that you've somehow wasted your life, or that you don't care about your career, because when I listened to some of the lyrics of your songs, I know that's not true, and I just-”
“Jensen-”
“I'm really sorry OK. I want you to be able to ask me those questions, and for you to trust me, I didn't need to be an asshole, and I-”
“Jensen, stop!” Jared shouts this time, and Jensen feels sort of shaky inside, all nervous with pent up energy.
“Relax. You were right, OK?” Jared's looking at him, his gaze pinned on Jensen. “I've had some time to really think about what you said, and I think some screwed up part of me was trying to sabotage my career because deep down I wasn't happy, and I didn't want to admit it. But you saw through it, called me out on it, and highlighted all the stuff that I didn't want to acknowledge about myself. I'm the one who should be apologising to you.”
Jensen shakes his head, and he's about to open his mouth and argue when Jared beats him to it.
“Whenever I saw negative press about the tour, or about me, I just pushed it deep down and told myself that they were all wrong, and that I was fine. So maybe in a weird way this bus crash is a blessing in disguise, y'know? Giving me a reason to finally acknowledge that I'm not OK, that I need to make a change, and reassess my lifestyle choices.”
Jared's staring right into Jensen's eyes, and he can feel the sincerity and honesty in everything he's saying. “Things are going to be different, and I'm going to make a lot of changes, and I'll do everything that I can to make a full recovery, so whatever you and Felicia tell me to do, I'll do it. Whatever the doctors and therapists want, I'll do it. And maybe it'll all work out, and I'll get to pick up my guitar again. But maybe it won't, and maybe that's OK too.”
Jensen takes a deep breath, tries not to focus too hard on the tears in Jared's eyes, or the way that he's so damn proud of everything that Jared's just said, not only about himself but his future. This is exactly why Jensen loves his job, because sometimes he gets to really make a difference in someone's life.
“As a team, we're gonna work really hard. It's going to be tough, and sometimes you're going to hate us all, but together, we'll get through this.” Jensen places his hand on Jared's shoulder and squeezes lightly.
“So, you listened to some of my music, huh?” Jared says, and there's that huge cheeky smile that's been haunting Jensen ever since they fought. “I bet you loved it, didn't you? I mean I am really good at it, and I've won awards and stuff, so it's like a fact!”
Jensen rolls his eyes. “Jared, do you know what you sound like right now? I mean you just shared a huge revelation about yourself, you were open and honest, and then you say things like that and I just-”
“I know - you love me! I'm just so lovable!”
Jensen shakes his head, turns around and heads for the door. “I'll see you later, Jared.”
“For my sponge bath, right?”
Jensen leaves the room, smiling from ear to ear, and he's never felt so alive and relieved, and just...damn, he's in trouble here!
Over the next week, Jensen makes a conscious effort to keep things professional and not to cross a line that he can't recover from; sure, it's very much clear to Jensen that he has feelings for Jared, feelings that Jared's not so subtlety proved that he shares, but Jensen's not about to risk his career on this.
So it's become a sort of game with them, a game that they haven't really discussed, but the rules are clear and they both stick to them; Jared flirts like a crazy person, like he just can't help himself, and Jensen smiles, maybe gets a little embarrassed and flustered, but then changes the subject.
And it's been working. Jared's making great progress, and they're already planning for his release date; he's doing all his physical therapy routines, he's listening to Dr Huffman's suggestions, he's paying attention to the healthy diet plan, and has even been talking to a psychiatrist that Jeff has hired. He's being a general all-around perfect patient.
Apart from today, when Jensen gets to work and hears Jared singing from the bottom of the corridor. Jared's voice is beautiful, and it's making his palms sweaty and his knees weak, and all these feelings that Jensen's supposed to be keeping hidden and under lock and key, bubble to the surface and he simply can't control or ignore them any more.
What the hell is Jared thinking? This is Jensen's workplace, and his career is on the line. Jared can't do this here - he just can't!
Storming down the corridor, he heads to Jared's room fully prepared to yell and scream and tell him not to make this any harder than it already is. But the closer he gets, the more lyrics of the song Jensen hears, and he slows his pace down, his initial anger and annoyance melting away with every word that he hears. Jared's singing about a new life, and a new hope, about fresh beginnings, and how meeting the right person who pouts when they concentrate makes everything feel achievable.
He pushes the door open quietly, and Jared's sitting on a chair by the window, the light streaming in and bathing him in a warm glow like stage lights, and he looks so alive and bigger than life, that Jensen's sort of freezes on the spot, and just stares, like the creepy nurse that he is.
Jared's holding a yellow legal pad, his injured right hand still bandaged, but lightly now, and mostly for support.
“It just came to me last night, and I couldn't write it down, so Felicia helped me out, and I've got the music down too, so even though I can't play it, I can still sing it. And that's, it's just so damn awesome to me now, I can't even voice it without crying like a baby.”
“That's great!”
“I mean, I haven't written anything for years, not like this, maybe not since my first record. But I feel like I'm going to explode with songs. I have so many ideas, and even though I can't play the guitar, I just feel like I haven't lost it all.” Jared takes a deep breath, and swivels around on his chair a little. “Do you really like it?”
“It's a beautiful song, Jared.”
“Really?”
“Absolutely.”
“I know that we're not really talking about this...connection that we have, and I fully understand why, but I just wanted you to know that I wrote it for you.” Jared's looking at him, his eyes huge and excitable. “It's all about you.”
Jensen takes a stuttered breath, and this is quite possibly the most romantic thing that has ever happened to him in his sheltered life. He's only known Jared for a little over a month, and a big section of that, Jared wasn't even conscious, and there's part of him that wants to leave this room, and run away because this isn't who Jensen is; he doesn't have relationships, especially not with rock star patients. Nothing this exciting ever happens to him. But maybe this is who Jensen could be if he just lets go a little bit; that maybe in his life of strict healthy living routines and work, there's room for someone who will make him see things differently.
“You don't have to say anything, in fact, I really don't think that you should. I just wanted you to know, and now you do.” Jared's smiling, and Jensen could quite happily drown in those dimples.
“Jeff asked me about some private nurse references.” Jensen needs to change the subject, to calm the situation, and cool the heat in the room.
“Well yeah, I mean I asked him to do that,” Jared's smile drops and he looks a little panicked. “You're an awesome nurse, and I'd love you to come with me when I leave and help with the transition out of hospital, and all the rest that lies ahead, but I just thought-”
“Felicia should head the team,” Jensen interrupts, “I've already talked with her about a few other people she could add; support nurses, a personal trainer, a dietician, and a few others. They're all people I've worked with before, and they're the best at what they do.”
“Right, that's great, I mean that's what I need and it's good to know that it's all in place for when I leave in a couple of days.” Jared frowns a little, like he's worried. “I just, you know why, right?”
Jensen ducks his head and scratches behind his ear nervously, because damn, this conversation is awkward. “Yes. I'm pretty sure I know why.”
“Well just to be clear, in a few days you won't be my nurse any more, and I won't be your patient, and we'll just be two single guys who are free to do whatever they want.” Jared grins. “Did I tell you I've been having this super hot dream where you-”
“Jared, please stop.”
Jared's laughing, and even though he's not wagging his eyebrows this time, it’s the same flirty tone of voice that is becoming harder and harder for Jensen to resist.
Well, two can play at that game, and Jensen walks across the room, and picks up the legal pad from Jared's lap. “I think there's one thing that'll make this song perfect.”
Picking out a pen from his pocket, Jensen scribbles down his phone number and address. He hands the paper back to Jared whose eyes are wide with mock shock.
“Jensen, are you being a very naughty nurse by disclosing your personal contact information with me?”
Jensen turns around and heads for the door, feeling the heat of Jared's eyes on his back, and if there's a little strut to his step, or a bounce in his hips, well that's just a coincidence. “I don't know what you're talking about, Jared. I'll see you later.”
“Yeah, for my long awaited sponge bath. I've got some really high expectations now, y'know.”
This time when Jensen leaves the room, he goes straight to the staff locker room and takes a moment to cool down. Two days is nothing. He can wait two days.
Jared's the last person to be released from the locked ward, and the security team won't be leaving until he does.
Jensen's been dreading this all day, some part of him feeling like he'll never see Jared again, that this was all just in his head, that he imagined it all, and that as soon as the reality of real life takes over, Jared will get sucked back into his glamorous world that Jensen can only dream about.
Everything's in place, and really Jensen couldn't be more relieved and happy to know that Felicia is taking over Jared's nursing needs; hiring people who need hiring, even talking to Jeff about firing people who need firing, and she's even been to Jared's apartment to start setting everything up. It's all taken care of, and really there's no reason why Jensen should feel like shit, but he does.
He's the last person to go into Jared's room; he certainly didn't plan it that way, but he's happy that he is, that apart from Felicia who's closing up some of the now empty rooms, there's only the two of them, plus security, in the wing.
When he opens the door the first thing Jensen sees is that Jared's wearing clothes that aren't hospital issue; a fitted white shirt, a pair of jeans that hang low on his hips, and a soft black leather jacket, and it's weird how he looks so different, like a person that Jensen doesn't really know.
“This is kinda weird, right?” Jared says, a duffle bag held in his good arm.
Jensen looks down at his feet and clears his throat. “Just keep doing what you've been doing, keep up the good work, and stay out of trouble.”
“Who me?” Jared says, and they both laugh nervously at that.
“I've got a good feeling about this, Jared, and I really think that everything is gonna be OK.”
Jared smiles, and then swallows heavily. “So, I er-” Then Jared takes a step towards him, and pulls him into a hug, tucking his face into Jensen's neck, and it takes a moment for Jensen to get with it, before his arms wrap tightly around Jared's back, shower-damp hair tickling his face.
“Thank you, Jensen. For everything. You saved my life.”
He wants to tell Jared that he's just one person in a whole team of people who saved Jared's life, but he can't form the words right now, and he lets Jared hug him harder, falls into his warmth of his embrace for just a second. Then Jared's pulling away, his eyes misty, as he turns to leave the room.
Jensen watches him leave, feeling numb as he stands alone in the empty room, and maybe it's time for a few changes in his own life. Jared's done it, and he's facing an uncertain future with bravery and grit, and maybe it's time for Jensen to do the same.
He strips Jared's bed, locks up the room, and after the ward is empty and clean, and he's said his goodbye's to Felicia, he sits alone in his car for a moment, and then picks up his phone.
It's time for a vacation, for some time off, and he books a flight home to see his family; it feels like a good place to start.
It's late that night, way past Jensen's bedtime, but he's enjoying a beer, listening to the radio, and maybe there's a bit of dancing going on, but who's to know but him and the walls.
His phone beeps in his pocket, and it's a text message.
Let me in!
It's not from a number that his phone recognizes, but he walks towards the front door of his apartment, and opens it.
Jared's standing on his doorstep, looking like a dream that Jensen once had. He takes off his sunglasses, and hooks them on the V of his T-shirt, and then pulls off his beanie, running a hand through his dark hair. He's grinning that all-too-familiar thousand watt smile, and there's a guitar on the floor by his boots.
All Jensen can do is stare.
“So, I need someone to play guitar on all the songs that I want to write, and I thought you might be just the person I'm looking for.”
Jensen pulls his bottom lip between his teeth. “I don't play the guitar, so that sounds like it could take a lot of time and practice. I mean, it's a commitment, is what it is.”
“Right, absolutely. And I told myself, who would I like to spend that much time with, and we're talking hours and hours, probably daily, at least in the beginning. I mean I'm a top class artist, and I demand only the best.” Jared picks up the guitar and sets it down onto the floor just inside Jensen's apartment, and then reaches out his good hand, fingers brushing Jensen's cheek, and then cupping his jaw. “Trust me, I'm more than ready for that kind of commitment. I'm all in.”
“Then it's agreed.” Jensen says, grabbing a fistful of Jared's T-shirt and jacket, and dragging him into the apartment. “We're in this together.”
They're standing so close to each other that Jensen can feel Jared's chest rising and falling, can feel the heat radiating from his skin. Their lips are inches apart, and Jensen can almost taste Jared's breath.
“So,” Jensen says, letting a wicked smile curl his lips, “about that sponge bath I promised you..."
The End.
He can't sleep that night, and he doesn't feel like running or taking anything out on his punching bag either. The quinoa in his fridge doesn't feel appetising at all, nor do any of the protein shakes or fruit smoothies, or even the organic veggies in his cooler. All Jensen can thing about is cold beer and pepperoni pizza.
He has to google a nearby pizza delivery service because he can't actually remember the last time he allowed himself to eat one. After phoning in an order, he pulls on a baggy hoodie and sweat pants, and picks up a six-pack of beer from the liquor store down the street, trying not to think about Jared the whole time.
When he gets back, he opens a beer and flops down onto the couch and calls his mom. She's happy to hear from him, and even though he doesn't go into any details about Jared or their fight, she's always been far too good at reading him.
“Your sister and I, we're worried about you. I know you feel like ever since your Daddy left, you're the man of the house, and that you have to take care of us. But honey, all we need is for you to take care of you.”
“Mom-”
“I'm serious, Jensen. You work too hard, and you're driving yourself into the ground. I just worry that you're missing out on so much. Life is for living.”
After they hang up, he can't shake her words out of his head, and when the pizza guys shows he tips way too much and then stuffs his face with saturated fats, gluten, and who knows what else. He groans, because damn, this is good pizza and he really needs to just chill out and let himself eat more of this!
It can't be a coincidence that two different people have said pretty much the same thing to him in the space of 24 hours, can it?
Scrubbing greasy fingers into his hair and over his face, he pulls his laptop across the coffee table and types Jared Padalecki's Music into the search engine, scrolling through a long list of music videos and live performances. He clicks on one at random.
It's a live performance, in what looks like a small and smoky bar. It's old, because Jared looks younger, his face less angled, and his eyes brighter. He's wearing a black deep v-neck T-shirt, muscles toned, and tanned skin painted with familiar tattoos. He's sitting on a tall stool, jeans torn and frayed at his knees, boots unlaced, and his guitar is resting comfortably on his thigh. He smiles shyly at the audience, pushes his still too long hair out of his face, and says his name into the microphone.
Jensen's not sure what he expected, but it's definitely not the soft guitar riff that Jared's playing, long fingers moving expertly along the strings. He sings about a lonely boy with a dream, and a family who doesn't understand him. He sings about lost hopes and forgotten fantasies; about a boy who's alone in the world.
Jensen listens to a dozen more songs, some louder and angrier, full of drums and loud guitar riffs played effortlessly by Jared. But some of the songs are quieter, sung from the heart with beautiful lyrics.
Then before he can stop himself, Jensen is expanding his search and reading interviews and articles about Jared; some from when he first started, some more up to date. He finds out that Jared worked hard to get his first record label, that his parents pretty much disowned him for quitting college to do it, and that much of his early work was acoustic with the odd rock song mixed in. But then his popularity grew, and somewhere along the line Jared stopped writing his songs and became a rock star cliché; sex, drugs, and rock and roll.
After listening to twenty songs, some of which Jensen vaguely recognizes from background radio music, and reading pretty much everything he can find, Jensen's eaten the whole pizza, and his belly is full and satisfied. He falls asleep on his couch with Jared's music playing in his ears.
Jensen goes to work the next day with a plan; he's going to apologise, and he's going to tell Jared that he went too far, that he's sorry, but that it doesn't change the medical facts about Jared's recovery.
He gets in early for his shift, only to find Jared's room is empty; his gut clenches, and he feels like he's going to throw up.
The bed is unmade, the IV pole is missing, but Jared's medical chart is still on the edge of the bed. Picking it up, a pit in his stomach the size of Texas, brain running through every possible complication that could have happened, Jensen scans the records and sees no signs of life-threatening setbacks. Nothing.
Heart still racing, and blood pressure slowly returning to normal, Jensen leaves the room and walks down the corridor.
That's when he hears Jared's easy and relaxed laugh from the end of the ward as he shuffles out of one of the other patient rooms, his fingers wrapped around the pole of his IV, knuckles white as he clings tightly. He's wearing a loose white T-shirt, and light blue hospital issue pants, and he's slumped forward slightly, not standing to his full height, his injured hand hovering protectively over his stomach.
Felicia, the other nurse on staff, follows closely behind him, watching as his slippered feet walk slowly along the grey floor tiles. Jensen can't quite hear what she's saying, but they're both smiling, and laughing gently.
“Look who's up and walking!” Felicia says when she sees Jensen watching them, running a hand through her bright red pixie-cut.
So, Jensen can add forgetful and over-reacting mother hen to the list of his bad nurse qualities. Of course Jared should be up and walking by now, and of course Felicia had mentioned at their last shift change meeting that she would take Jared 'out for a spin'; her words, not his.
“She's a drill sergeant!” Jared's shuffling towards his room, hair falling into his face. “I mean I wanted to get out of there, but all the way to the bottom of the corridor and back, is surely pushing it for my first official outing!”
“Yeah, yeah, Jared.” Felicia tucks herself under Jared's arm and encourages him to straighten his back just a little, which is exactly what Jensen was about to suggest. “Say what you want, but I know my patients, and I knew you could do it! So you owe me; what was it that we agreed on? Oh yeah, every single one of your jello cups.”
Jared's eyes are sparkling when he turns to look at Jensen. “Did you hear that? My own nurse is trying to steal vital nutrition from my healing body!”
“I'm pretty sure that there is no nutritional value whatsoever in jello.”
Jared rises in eyebrows in mock surprise. “Even the green ones?”
“Yes, Jared,” Jensen says, smile growing with every word, “even the green ones.”
Looking at Felicia, who keeps shifting her gaze knowingly from Jared to Jensen and then back, Jensen clears his throat. “I'll get Jared back into his room, and I'll catch you in a minute for the shift change meeting.”
Felicia nods, a mischievous smile curling the corner of her lip as she heads to the nurses' station.
Jensen holds the door open for Jared, who walks slowly inside, slightly out of breath as he lowers himself carefully onto the edge of the bed, hand still gripping the IV pole.
“I, er, about yesterday,” Jensen says nervously, knotting his fingers together as he stands just to the side of Jared. “I shouldn't have said what I said, not in those words anyway, it just wasn't professional of me, and I owe you an apology-”
“Jensen-”
“Because while I meant what I said about the lifestyle change, I didn't mean to insinuate that you've somehow wasted your life, or that you don't care about your career, because when I listened to some of the lyrics of your songs, I know that's not true, and I just-”
“Jensen-”
“I'm really sorry OK. I want you to be able to ask me those questions, and for you to trust me, I didn't need to be an asshole, and I-”
“Jensen, stop!” Jared shouts this time, and Jensen feels sort of shaky inside, all nervous with pent up energy.
“Relax. You were right, OK?” Jared's looking at him, his gaze pinned on Jensen. “I've had some time to really think about what you said, and I think some screwed up part of me was trying to sabotage my career because deep down I wasn't happy, and I didn't want to admit it. But you saw through it, called me out on it, and highlighted all the stuff that I didn't want to acknowledge about myself. I'm the one who should be apologising to you.”
Jensen shakes his head, and he's about to open his mouth and argue when Jared beats him to it.
“Whenever I saw negative press about the tour, or about me, I just pushed it deep down and told myself that they were all wrong, and that I was fine. So maybe in a weird way this bus crash is a blessing in disguise, y'know? Giving me a reason to finally acknowledge that I'm not OK, that I need to make a change, and reassess my lifestyle choices.”
Jared's staring right into Jensen's eyes, and he can feel the sincerity and honesty in everything he's saying. “Things are going to be different, and I'm going to make a lot of changes, and I'll do everything that I can to make a full recovery, so whatever you and Felicia tell me to do, I'll do it. Whatever the doctors and therapists want, I'll do it. And maybe it'll all work out, and I'll get to pick up my guitar again. But maybe it won't, and maybe that's OK too.”
Jensen takes a deep breath, tries not to focus too hard on the tears in Jared's eyes, or the way that he's so damn proud of everything that Jared's just said, not only about himself but his future. This is exactly why Jensen loves his job, because sometimes he gets to really make a difference in someone's life.
“As a team, we're gonna work really hard. It's going to be tough, and sometimes you're going to hate us all, but together, we'll get through this.” Jensen places his hand on Jared's shoulder and squeezes lightly.
“So, you listened to some of my music, huh?” Jared says, and there's that huge cheeky smile that's been haunting Jensen ever since they fought. “I bet you loved it, didn't you? I mean I am really good at it, and I've won awards and stuff, so it's like a fact!”
Jensen rolls his eyes. “Jared, do you know what you sound like right now? I mean you just shared a huge revelation about yourself, you were open and honest, and then you say things like that and I just-”
“I know - you love me! I'm just so lovable!”
Jensen shakes his head, turns around and heads for the door. “I'll see you later, Jared.”
“For my sponge bath, right?”
Jensen leaves the room, smiling from ear to ear, and he's never felt so alive and relieved, and just...damn, he's in trouble here!
Over the next week, Jensen makes a conscious effort to keep things professional and not to cross a line that he can't recover from; sure, it's very much clear to Jensen that he has feelings for Jared, feelings that Jared's not so subtlety proved that he shares, but Jensen's not about to risk his career on this.
So it's become a sort of game with them, a game that they haven't really discussed, but the rules are clear and they both stick to them; Jared flirts like a crazy person, like he just can't help himself, and Jensen smiles, maybe gets a little embarrassed and flustered, but then changes the subject.
And it's been working. Jared's making great progress, and they're already planning for his release date; he's doing all his physical therapy routines, he's listening to Dr Huffman's suggestions, he's paying attention to the healthy diet plan, and has even been talking to a psychiatrist that Jeff has hired. He's being a general all-around perfect patient.
Apart from today, when Jensen gets to work and hears Jared singing from the bottom of the corridor. Jared's voice is beautiful, and it's making his palms sweaty and his knees weak, and all these feelings that Jensen's supposed to be keeping hidden and under lock and key, bubble to the surface and he simply can't control or ignore them any more.
What the hell is Jared thinking? This is Jensen's workplace, and his career is on the line. Jared can't do this here - he just can't!
Storming down the corridor, he heads to Jared's room fully prepared to yell and scream and tell him not to make this any harder than it already is. But the closer he gets, the more lyrics of the song Jensen hears, and he slows his pace down, his initial anger and annoyance melting away with every word that he hears. Jared's singing about a new life, and a new hope, about fresh beginnings, and how meeting the right person who pouts when they concentrate makes everything feel achievable.
He pushes the door open quietly, and Jared's sitting on a chair by the window, the light streaming in and bathing him in a warm glow like stage lights, and he looks so alive and bigger than life, that Jensen's sort of freezes on the spot, and just stares, like the creepy nurse that he is.
Jared's holding a yellow legal pad, his injured right hand still bandaged, but lightly now, and mostly for support.
“It just came to me last night, and I couldn't write it down, so Felicia helped me out, and I've got the music down too, so even though I can't play it, I can still sing it. And that's, it's just so damn awesome to me now, I can't even voice it without crying like a baby.”
“That's great!”
“I mean, I haven't written anything for years, not like this, maybe not since my first record. But I feel like I'm going to explode with songs. I have so many ideas, and even though I can't play the guitar, I just feel like I haven't lost it all.” Jared takes a deep breath, and swivels around on his chair a little. “Do you really like it?”
“It's a beautiful song, Jared.”
“Really?”
“Absolutely.”
“I know that we're not really talking about this...connection that we have, and I fully understand why, but I just wanted you to know that I wrote it for you.” Jared's looking at him, his eyes huge and excitable. “It's all about you.”
Jensen takes a stuttered breath, and this is quite possibly the most romantic thing that has ever happened to him in his sheltered life. He's only known Jared for a little over a month, and a big section of that, Jared wasn't even conscious, and there's part of him that wants to leave this room, and run away because this isn't who Jensen is; he doesn't have relationships, especially not with rock star patients. Nothing this exciting ever happens to him. But maybe this is who Jensen could be if he just lets go a little bit; that maybe in his life of strict healthy living routines and work, there's room for someone who will make him see things differently.
“You don't have to say anything, in fact, I really don't think that you should. I just wanted you to know, and now you do.” Jared's smiling, and Jensen could quite happily drown in those dimples.
“Jeff asked me about some private nurse references.” Jensen needs to change the subject, to calm the situation, and cool the heat in the room.
“Well yeah, I mean I asked him to do that,” Jared's smile drops and he looks a little panicked. “You're an awesome nurse, and I'd love you to come with me when I leave and help with the transition out of hospital, and all the rest that lies ahead, but I just thought-”
“Felicia should head the team,” Jensen interrupts, “I've already talked with her about a few other people she could add; support nurses, a personal trainer, a dietician, and a few others. They're all people I've worked with before, and they're the best at what they do.”
“Right, that's great, I mean that's what I need and it's good to know that it's all in place for when I leave in a couple of days.” Jared frowns a little, like he's worried. “I just, you know why, right?”
Jensen ducks his head and scratches behind his ear nervously, because damn, this conversation is awkward. “Yes. I'm pretty sure I know why.”
“Well just to be clear, in a few days you won't be my nurse any more, and I won't be your patient, and we'll just be two single guys who are free to do whatever they want.” Jared grins. “Did I tell you I've been having this super hot dream where you-”
“Jared, please stop.”
Jared's laughing, and even though he's not wagging his eyebrows this time, it’s the same flirty tone of voice that is becoming harder and harder for Jensen to resist.
Well, two can play at that game, and Jensen walks across the room, and picks up the legal pad from Jared's lap. “I think there's one thing that'll make this song perfect.”
Picking out a pen from his pocket, Jensen scribbles down his phone number and address. He hands the paper back to Jared whose eyes are wide with mock shock.
“Jensen, are you being a very naughty nurse by disclosing your personal contact information with me?”
Jensen turns around and heads for the door, feeling the heat of Jared's eyes on his back, and if there's a little strut to his step, or a bounce in his hips, well that's just a coincidence. “I don't know what you're talking about, Jared. I'll see you later.”
“Yeah, for my long awaited sponge bath. I've got some really high expectations now, y'know.”
This time when Jensen leaves the room, he goes straight to the staff locker room and takes a moment to cool down. Two days is nothing. He can wait two days.
Jared's the last person to be released from the locked ward, and the security team won't be leaving until he does.
Jensen's been dreading this all day, some part of him feeling like he'll never see Jared again, that this was all just in his head, that he imagined it all, and that as soon as the reality of real life takes over, Jared will get sucked back into his glamorous world that Jensen can only dream about.
Everything's in place, and really Jensen couldn't be more relieved and happy to know that Felicia is taking over Jared's nursing needs; hiring people who need hiring, even talking to Jeff about firing people who need firing, and she's even been to Jared's apartment to start setting everything up. It's all taken care of, and really there's no reason why Jensen should feel like shit, but he does.
He's the last person to go into Jared's room; he certainly didn't plan it that way, but he's happy that he is, that apart from Felicia who's closing up some of the now empty rooms, there's only the two of them, plus security, in the wing.
When he opens the door the first thing Jensen sees is that Jared's wearing clothes that aren't hospital issue; a fitted white shirt, a pair of jeans that hang low on his hips, and a soft black leather jacket, and it's weird how he looks so different, like a person that Jensen doesn't really know.
“This is kinda weird, right?” Jared says, a duffle bag held in his good arm.
Jensen looks down at his feet and clears his throat. “Just keep doing what you've been doing, keep up the good work, and stay out of trouble.”
“Who me?” Jared says, and they both laugh nervously at that.
“I've got a good feeling about this, Jared, and I really think that everything is gonna be OK.”
Jared smiles, and then swallows heavily. “So, I er-” Then Jared takes a step towards him, and pulls him into a hug, tucking his face into Jensen's neck, and it takes a moment for Jensen to get with it, before his arms wrap tightly around Jared's back, shower-damp hair tickling his face.
“Thank you, Jensen. For everything. You saved my life.”
He wants to tell Jared that he's just one person in a whole team of people who saved Jared's life, but he can't form the words right now, and he lets Jared hug him harder, falls into his warmth of his embrace for just a second. Then Jared's pulling away, his eyes misty, as he turns to leave the room.
Jensen watches him leave, feeling numb as he stands alone in the empty room, and maybe it's time for a few changes in his own life. Jared's done it, and he's facing an uncertain future with bravery and grit, and maybe it's time for Jensen to do the same.
He strips Jared's bed, locks up the room, and after the ward is empty and clean, and he's said his goodbye's to Felicia, he sits alone in his car for a moment, and then picks up his phone.
It's time for a vacation, for some time off, and he books a flight home to see his family; it feels like a good place to start.
It's late that night, way past Jensen's bedtime, but he's enjoying a beer, listening to the radio, and maybe there's a bit of dancing going on, but who's to know but him and the walls.
His phone beeps in his pocket, and it's a text message.
Let me in!
It's not from a number that his phone recognizes, but he walks towards the front door of his apartment, and opens it.
Jared's standing on his doorstep, looking like a dream that Jensen once had. He takes off his sunglasses, and hooks them on the V of his T-shirt, and then pulls off his beanie, running a hand through his dark hair. He's grinning that all-too-familiar thousand watt smile, and there's a guitar on the floor by his boots.
All Jensen can do is stare.
“So, I need someone to play guitar on all the songs that I want to write, and I thought you might be just the person I'm looking for.”
Jensen pulls his bottom lip between his teeth. “I don't play the guitar, so that sounds like it could take a lot of time and practice. I mean, it's a commitment, is what it is.”
“Right, absolutely. And I told myself, who would I like to spend that much time with, and we're talking hours and hours, probably daily, at least in the beginning. I mean I'm a top class artist, and I demand only the best.” Jared picks up the guitar and sets it down onto the floor just inside Jensen's apartment, and then reaches out his good hand, fingers brushing Jensen's cheek, and then cupping his jaw. “Trust me, I'm more than ready for that kind of commitment. I'm all in.”
“Then it's agreed.” Jensen says, grabbing a fistful of Jared's T-shirt and jacket, and dragging him into the apartment. “We're in this together.”
They're standing so close to each other that Jensen can feel Jared's chest rising and falling, can feel the heat radiating from his skin. Their lips are inches apart, and Jensen can almost taste Jared's breath.
“So,” Jensen says, letting a wicked smile curl his lips, “about that sponge bath I promised you..."
The End.