(no subject)
If you were to ask me how i feel, i would say i don't fucking know. And its so weird.
I don't get how 2 weeks ago i said that lets just keep doing what we're doing and when schools out end it to chris and he agreed. Then like an hour later when i wasn't hanging out with him anymore he texts me saying he's done because he was falling and didn't want to call it quits and wanted to see what happened during summer. And I got so happy because i was just saying the lets end it so i wouldn't get hurt. So we're been hangning out nonstop and he does all these cute things, then he goes into dumb moments when i have no fucking idea what is going on at all. Like today, and its driving me crazy. Cause i really have no idea how i feel. Like i know its not just sex and i keep having to tell myself that and he gets pissed when i say that. fucking aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. I don't know what the fuck is going on. I don't like not knowing what is going on. And he's like tell me what you want me to say. and i flipped out telling him i don't WANT you to just tell what i want to hear, be fucking honest. And he's like dallas is far. I told him its not texas, and he said might as well be. FUCKKKKKKK. and the story goes full circle. This is why from the beginning just said end it at summer on good terms so i have all of next year to date you. fuck fuck fuck. FUCK!
I really have never felt this way before and I don't know how to describe it. Kristen keeps asking me to talk to her but i really don't know. I have no fucking idea what is going on with me right now.
As much as I miss the SPC, i'd love to just stay here during the summer if there was no school work. That would be fantasticly fun.
What else.. i have 2 classes with Kristen next semester! None of my classes start before 11, except for one on wednesday. I have 17 credits and only two classes on tuesday thursday. 3 on friday starting at 11 so that means I actually get to go out on thirsty thursday and not die the next day like I do now.
Smoked pineapple express and morningglory on 420, i didn't know pineapple express actually exsisted. it was fabulous.
Anna is visiting this weekend! Its supposed to be in the 70s.
I had my meeting with coach, if i get stronger she thinks i could play a lot next year. I'm going to work hard enough so i start. Chris is supposed to coach me but we'll see how that one goes.
FUCK. I'm so confused.