he called Ryan.. and died the next day.
Peter's Funeral Was Saturday. He was 18. I may have cried tonite. I cry farrrrrrrrrrrrrrr too much.
Alright: while talking about porn and pizza.. fucking boy walked by. He thinks I'm some pervet lesbo nymph. It's terrible. He's so cute in a very unconventional way. He's also so young and I shouldn't think of such things.
I got to hang out w/ Alyssa, Maggie, and Katie. it was nice.
My first basketball game. It was fun. I went w/ Kara, and my Maddie! (madster) I got to talk to Brittany B, Kelly R, and KARI!!!!! I haven't spoken to Kari in so long. I like her a lot. We made fun of the over tanned, pretty girl w/ bad hair on the other team's side. It's nice to make fun of stereotypical pretty people.
So I was going my spanish and all i could think about was Peter. Then I cried. Then for some unknown reason I started thinking about Stephanie and how I haven't seen her in forever. I remember last year I cried because I thought i'd never see her again and she'd smile and reassure me that we would see eachother and I would come visit her and she'd come visit me. I hate when things end. It's hard to admit how much I miss her. I sitll have her photo framed on my wall. We're 13 &12 and we are starting fires out in the woods. We were so weird. I miss just being able to be weird w/ people w/out everyone picking on me and telling me I'm stupid. I wish people could just let go of their insecurities. Like Kara today, all she talked about was her "backfat." Bullshit. Back the the matter at hand. Next year, is going to be just like this year. Everyone's going ot forget about me. I'm go away to college and everyone will go one w/out me I was never there. I'm not popular, I'm not athletic, I'm not smart, I'm not well known. It's going to be like I was never at Byron. I never exsited. And I hate that. I want to do something to make myself well known.. To leave a name for myself. Do some huge prank and fuck all the the teachers that hate me and ignore me. I'm never good enough for anythign here. I wasnt' good enough in math. I wasn't good enough at english and writing, I wasnt' good enough at science.. Then there was art. That was the one place where I could go and the teacher would help me and told me I was good and I had something. Even though I wasn't the best and I wasn't good, she still stuck w/ me and helped me and I could do whatever I wanted and I could jusst be myself.. And now i don't even have that. I suck at art and she hates me. She has even gone as farr and not saying, "hello liz" when I see her in the hallway. I'm just nothing, like I was before. Then, I was thinking about my friends in lower grades. Next year they arent' going ot even remember who I was. Mostly Kimberly and Maddie. Everything is going to change. We were talking about Brittany Fawcett. She was so amazing. I had such good times w/ her when we would skip class...Now she drinks and does shit w/ random boys. She's lost everything that made her so wonderful.. that made me respect her so much and I hate that. Well, it's 11:10 pm and I'm crying. I'm going to bed.